Being Polite or Indecisive?

Remember, back in the day you could just call up your buddy and meet up for some good times. Nowadays, trying to decide when and where to eat as a group can get too ridiculous.  That's about a million emails, texts, or phone calls just to see if the person you are talking to and their partner are free.  If you also have kids, then you have to include their social calendar too.  This week and next week doesn't work for us, the week after isn't good for you.  How's the first week next month?  Oh brother.

We tried to make plans for lunch with a couple that are good friends of ours.  20 emails later, we have a date and time.  We'll figure out where later.   That should be easy right?  There was a lot of "we're flexible".   They know we have a picky toddler, so they were probably just trying to be kind and go with what would be palatable for The Boy.  We've brought them to most of our local haunts, plus the chickee was on a time restraint, so we were flexible for them to choose.  Closer to home so she'd make it on time, but also we could try a new place that we haven't been to before.   Where do YOU go out to eat?  That's me making a decision.  I want to go where YOU eat.

Well, there were a few phone calls in the morning, websites checked (todine.com, chowhound.ca), and we all were still being 'flexible'.    After an hour after the first morning call, I just wanted someone to be INFLEXIBLE and choose. Where is the pregnant lady who has a craving when we need her?  Or maybe a 'pushy' person who will just not care what everyone else wants and stake their claim.

Usually, that's me.  Pregnant or pushy.  At one point, both!   I have been brainwashed to label myself pushy.  As a woman, that's what they call you.  I would prefer to call it decisive.  On my résumé, it's listed as "strong decision-making skills ensuring objectives are exceeded".   I'm still having rough nights getting the baby to sleep through the night, so my decision-making and patience were not in effect.  Just picture yourself on a Monday morning boardroom meeting with 4-hrs sleep.  You see how I feel?

We finally narrowed it down to two choices.  Greek or Pho.  Since we don't know a good Pho place (someone please comment of a good one in the north-east end.  Markham, Richmond Hill, but no further than Scarborough)  we went with Greek.  We took them to a place we've been to a couple of times.  They have good tzatziki.  And now, we have our next meet-up decided.  Pho!

You just cannot satisfy everyone.   To try to do so, will only make for frustration.  Be it lunch or other decisions in your life.  Find out the constraints (in this case, time) and benefits (in this case, satisfying our food cravings), budgets (nobody wanted to have to wear a gown nor tux), transportation, blah blah blah (uh oh...paralysis by analysis again) to consider, but K.I.S.S., it's lunch!

disclaimer:  to the couple we met with.  if you recognize yourself here, trust that we love you guys and enjoy your company.  can't wait to eat pho!

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Di Ackee 'n Salt Fish make mi LOSE

It was an awesome foody night of amazing Jamaican food cooked by with love by the parental units.

The night's eats included:

1. Oxtail


2. Ackee & Salt Fish


3. Mackerel Fish


4. Dumplings


5. Breadfruit


6. Rice and Peas with Salt Pork


7. Boiled Yams

They don't cook this often enough for me, so diet schmiet.  I had 2nd and 3rds!  And the perfect drink to compliment the feast was Champagne Cola, Ting, Pineapple drink

I guess it shouldn't be totally shocking that I lost this weeks weigh-in.

I have slacked for 4 days now.  Not noting my food intake on myfitnesspal.com.  Eating at the Southern BBQ joint with less restraint.  Not doing the snacks-in-between-meals.  And the icing on the cake was the delicious goodness of mommy and daddy's cooking.

I gained one pound from last week.  Had to give back The Brother's $5 I won last week.  It hurt.  I won't lie.  You'd think I would have smarten up over the weekend.  Nope.  Had 4 cookies yesterday.  2 cupcakes today.

Perhaps putting it "out there" will put the proverbial Scarlett Letter F (for fatty) will get me back to mental discipline starting....tomorrow.

I need to finish the left overs I brought home!

Layered Jello

Layered Jello – is so cool looking and tastes great!

Ingredients:

different jello flavours

can of condensed milk

gelatin package

boiling water

Instructions:

1. make one jello flavour as per package’s instructions

2. in another bowl, mix condensed milk and boiling water until well blended.  stir in gelatin package.

3. ladle jello into container, place into fridge.

4. once jello is set, ladle a layer of condensed milk mixture.  place back into fridge.

5. repeat steps 1, 3, and 4

note: replace water with juice to add more vitamins and switch up the flavour combo!  mango juice with strawberry jello

J-E-L-L-O

What else can I feed The Boy that will help him get all his nutrients.  He loves to help in the kitchen, so trying to find recipes that doesn't involve a whole bunch of chopping isn't always easy.  I become the sous chef, and then I'll call him over to be my mixer.  He's also a great 'go-for'.

Last night, it was Jello time.  It's powdered sugar with gelatin and colour.  Great.

So, to bump up the nutritious value we added blueberries and grapes.  We used Arthur's Smoothie Juice instead of water.  BAM!  Just had him eating more fruit in one dessert!  Used clear plastic cups so he could see the suspended fruit.



 

He's had one already and wants more.  Dude, it's a snack/dessert, not a meal.

Layered Jello - is so cool looking and tastes great!

Recipe:

different jello flavours

can of condensed milk

gelatin package

boiling water

1. make one jello flavour as per package's instructions

2. in another bowl, mix condensed milk and boiling water until well blended.  stir in gelatin package.

3. ladle jello into container, place into fridge.

4. once jello is set, ladle a layer of condensed milk mixture.  place back into fridge.

5. repeat steps 1, 3, and 4

note: replace water with juice to add more vitamins and switch up the flavour combo!  mango juice with strawberry jello

Warning Signs

I am overjoyed to see that there were many hits on the post about how we found out that Franklin's kidneys were dying.

It was a bit difficult to write.  To re-feel those emotions brought a few old tears that I shed back then.  And then I read the post to Franklin and we hugged and talked about life's possibilities and responsibilities back then.  One thing that's still going positively strong is our love for each other.  This disease has tested our strength physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, both individually, as a twosome, and as a family.  Some days we are winners.

But, I digress.  In this post I wanted to share the warning signs that may indicate that you have kidney problems.   As mentioned in the Lifetime Journey post, a big indicator was the high blood pressure/headaches.  That was the early signs.  But, as things progressed and his kidney function deteriorated to less than 10% there were more signs.

On The Kidney Foundation of Canada on Facebook they asked people to share what symptoms they experienced.

Some of theirs that were shared from the people who have the disease were:

• Puffiness of the eyes, hands and feet


• itchiness, low blood count, tired


• Tired, swelling, high blood pressure, itching, unexplained nauseous feeling, appetite change..to name a few


• Don't forget the headaches, yellowing of the eyes and metallic tastes on the tongue if you're experiencing uremia.


• For me, food and beverages tasted horrible as well. Even after being diagnosed, I lost 80 lbs in 3 months. Took them a while to find a med that worked for me.


• Passing blood in the urine sent me to get diagnosed


• don't forget dark concentrated urine. it was foamy


• Flank pain was how my problems were discovered.


• leg and feet cramping, nausea, cold , blue knuckles and blue lace lines on my thighs , serious mid back pain up to my neck and down my arm

There are summarized lists on the internet like 10 Symptoms of Kidney Disease.  But, the best advice I could give is to get a yearly physical and to always follow through with the tests/blood work the doctors asks you to do.

It is scary, especially when you've never known anyone who has it.  But, you do.  You know my family.  You know my husband.  Either personally, or through me, you know someone.

Please sign your donor card.

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The Beginning of this Lifetime Journey

A lovely lady messaged me about The Husband.

"Hi Eleisa,

How are you?? Good blogs.. I read all your posts.. they are definitely interesting.. one question popped in my mind when I read the latest blog. You mentioned that Franklin has been go through dialysis for 10 years.. Exactly how did he get it?? It seems scary. I want to do everything possible to not get it.

Hope you and the family are doing well!!"

I've been meaning to tell her what the history was.  Well, at least how it started and how we found out.  What were the signs?  What effect it had on him? on me? on our relationship?

We're in our early twenties and we don't know what is happening and why is it happening.   It starts with really bad headaches.  At first Extra Strength Tylonal would help.  Then the headaches got worse and the Tylonal wasn't helping anymore.   It was to the point where he would be in bed holding his head squirming and groaning in pain while in the dark.

Finally, he went to see the doctor.  His blood pressure (BP) was 280/140.  The doctor advised to get to Emergency right away.  That's when he called me to meet him there.  He didn't sound different then he usually did, so I didn't understand the urgency.  When I met him there, the doctors said he's lucky he was young.  Anyone else with that BP would be considered having a heart attack.

This is how we learned his kidney was dying.

A lot of emotions are going through our hearts.  How could this happen?  Why him?  NO ONE in his family has kidney failure.  What is his future?  Will he live?  Do I stay with him?  Where do we go from here? When did this start?  Could he have prevented it?  Many of those questions we still ask ourselves today.

After some reflection, we believe it started when he ruptured his kidneys while playing rugby while in high school.  Franklin researched our hunches and there are studies that show that people who have injured their kidneys are 70% more likely to have kidney problems later in life.  So, take care of your kidneys.

I remember my dad asking me if I was sure I knew what I was getting myself into.  He caveat-ed the harsh reality with "as your dad I just was to make sure you know what you're getting into."  Only a parent who loves you and wants only the best for you would ask that.  I understand where he is coming from.  We are not married.   I still have a choice to leave.   The future with a partner who is terminally ill will be difficult to say the least.

I still have the same response today as I did all those years ago.  I want to spend everyday with him even if it is for 1-yr or 50-yrs.  I want to enjoy my life with him for as long as we both shall live.

I still have personal fears.  Being alone at 50 with two (maybe three if I can convince him and we are so blessed :) ) and spending my golden years alone.  That's the biggest one.  But, even with that, I still want to experience every up and down with him.  I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.

Read the next chapter in Please put him on dialysis Doc post.

or

Read more stories about living with kidney failure from the spouses (my) perspective with posts from the Kidney Failure category.

Opposite sex ONLY please

If you've ever had to take your kid into the change room it's sometimes a no-brainer.  I'm a female.  My daughter is a female.  We will go into the woman's change room.  I'm a male.  My son is a male.  We will go into the man's change room.

How about when you are the mommy who takes your precious son for swimming lessons?  Or if you are the daddy who takes his princess daughter for the wet plunge?  Well, for me, when my baby 1 was just a wittle guy, it was an easy decision.  Woman's change room.  I'm a woman and I need to change with my baby.  Makes sense right?

Well, now my 'baby' knows his body parts.  And he stares while we are in the open area of the change rooms.  He didn't outright yell "BOOBIES mommy!", so I guess I'm thankful for that.  But, when I have to tell him to stare at his snack (because who isn't starving after swimming), or to look at the lockers, it's time to move up to the Family change rooms.

Now, I'm assuming it is for mommy's and their sons or daddy's and their daughters to change.  Basically, opposite sex children of the parent they are going in with.  There are only a couple of change rooms with doors for us to use compared to all the space to change in the man's or woman's ones.  So, after one particular dip in the pool and bby 1 is freezing after the shower, we boot it in to change into some nice warm and dry clothes.  D'oh!  we have to wait.   His teeth are chattering.  Now, as a parent, when you hear that from your kid, the momma bear instincts kicks in, and I mentally scream in my head "Hurry the F up!  My precious bby is cold!!".  I did dry him up with the towel.  I know it's part of life to wait your turn.  I just wish I could help my kid out of this discomfort as soon as possible.  That is the foundation of the momma bear instincts.

When a mom opens the door I thought she was leaving.  Silly me.  That was so she could go to the locker and get her daughter's boots to put on in the locked room area.  Biotch!  Don't you see my kid is freezing?!?  Put your shoes on in the hallway benches like everyone else (our swim place has the carpeted area and boot mats there).  And why are you in this change room and not the Woman's??  GRRRRR

She has the right to use the family change room. But, when everyone does I have to wait unnecessarily.  My son has to freeze for longer unnecessarily.  This change room is for the opposite sex of parent and child ONLY.  Well, it should be in my head.

This is just annoying.  Not a full-out "I HATE this"  but, it is 'GRRRRR' all the same.  I save the 'hating' for more worthy matters, like racism, sexism, elitism, hypocrites, bad drivers, people who lazy, people who are mega-rich (be it money, love, talent, family, etc) and take it for granted, or Haters who try to bring you down.

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Can I get a Diet Coke with that?

This week is not dropping the lbs as quickly.  Well, maybe it is and I'm just weighing myself too often.  But, what I think is really happening if I'm being honest to myself is I'm riding the 7-lb weight loss win and getting too cocky.

I've done the calorie counting and portion control.  Used this site http://www.eddieoneverything.com/nutrition_info/calculators, which has been helpful since I probably eat out way too often.   I've started to slip in probably too many sweets.  Ate that Hostess Chocolate Cupcake from back in Saved From Evil post two weeks ago.  I ate it in two days.  One a day.  NEVER buy those things again.  Sure it was within my calorie count for the day, but I'm sure the fat count wasn't.

We went to a southern bbq place.  The Husband has been watching too much Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives episodes and has craved it for a while now.  We've been to a couple that were big disappointments.  To the point where my brother, who we dragged with us to a couple, won't come.  Then through conversation a buddy of his mentioned a place that does the 14-hr slow cooking of meat.  Just like on tv!

We're off for a 30-minute drive on the 407.  We order some platter.  Ribs, pulled pork, and smoked brisket.  Now, I only have 2 ribs, a bit of pulled pork, and 1.5 slices of smoked brisket.  I ordered the green beans so I get my vegetables and it makes it ok for me to eat all this meat.  Hey, you gotta treat yourself right?

But, now we go again yesterday.  This time dragging my brother along again, who doesn't care for bbq btw.  We order ribs, pulled pork, smoked brisket, chicken, and of course I order a salad to fit in my veggies.

The scale doesn't lie.  I better smarten up.  Friday's weigh-in just around the corner.  No more McDonald's breakfast, even though I get no butter and no cheese on my Egg McMuffin.   No more meat platter with a side of veggies.

I don't drink pop, so a diet coke is just my metaphor for justifying eating like a pig if I get a side of something 'healthy'.   This could be for many things.  I paid my mortgage, so I can buy a $400 brand name purse.  I paid my insurance, so I can buy the $2000 low-pro's.  I put away some RRSP money, so I can do Europe vacation for 2-months again.

 

Spidey Senses

Marcus is loving his Spiderman ski mask I made.  As soon as I showed him a picture he wanted it. When I didn't finish it that day he actually cried himself to sleep.  awwwwwww baby!  Kids have no idea of time.  I tried to explain the "3 more sleeps" concept, but he either didn't get it or didn't care.  The cynic in me is inclined to assume the latter.  HAHA  Pre-babies, I used to think that cartoons were just being funny with the repetitive questions.

"mommy?  mommy? mommy? mommy? mommy? mommy?"

or

"is it ready yet? how about now? how about now? how about now?"

It's real.  And only funny when it's not directed at you.

At first glance, one of my family asks, why did you make him a robber's mask?  LMAO!  Really??  Oh old people...gotta love'em.  I explained it's a guy in one of Marcus' shows (gotta keep it simple).  Marcus' likes robbers? No. No.  It's a super-hero.   A robber that's a super-hero?  That doesn't make sense. (You're telling me?)

I totally want to make another one for Marcus when I get more yarn.  Blue one with pointy ears and black outline for the eyes  - BATMAN!  or maybe red with gold out outline for the eyes - IRON MAN!  Now, just to convince The Husband to buy some yarn to make our son happy.  How can he say no to that?!  Also, on the list from my lovely niece is a sock monkey.  I found a sock monkey hat and matching scarf pattern.  Now, to surf the net for a sock monkey doll pattern!

I know of one mom who makes really cool stuff and sells them so she can stay home with her kids.   Hope to get there.  Would love to afford to stay home.   One day.

It feels AMAZING to see the joy in my son's eyes when he woke up to it.  I worked on it all day and into the late night non-stop, but it was worth it.  He hugged me!  Said he loved me!  and put it on right away.  Now he wants mittens to match so he can 'climb walls', as he puts it.  I'm sure in his world he'll have it when he comes back this afternoon.

Yikes!  Better start crack-a-lackin'

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whiners and complainers - STFU!

Po' me.  I'm so broke I can't afford the 'o' 'r'.

Priorities people.  Don't spend all your dough on junk and then complain about your situation.  SAVE UP!

Put down the cigarettes, try to brown bag lunch to work 2-3 times a week, skip the vacation to the all-inclusive/back home to the motherland/travel to see the world/because it's on sale countries (try a staycation, I prefer heat and beach too,  but sometimes you can't afford to go this year), pre-drink at home before heading out to the clubs for $10 drinks, buy fruit in season, buy the 42-inch tv instead of the 55-inch,  just to name a few tips.

I'm not saying to live in a shoe box and eat crackers smeared with ketchup packets.  Just that you need to sacrifice sometimes to get ahead.  You want a your own place instead of roommates?  You want a house instead of renting?  You want a car instead of taking the TTC?  You want to go to Europe instead of Cuba?  You want diamonds instead of cubic zirconia?  You want a Coach/Prada/YSL purse instead of Roots?  You want silk instead of polyester?

That's just the money side.  I also can't stand the people who complain about their jobs all the time either.  Hey, I get it.   There are bad days and sometimes you want to vent.  Been there many, many times.  But, if you really hate it, quit!  Get a new job.  Get more education and get a different/better job.

You're not happy with your weight.  Then get healthy and physically fit.  There is no perfect weight.  You can be 'skinny' and still have a higher fat percentage then someone who is bigger than you.  Exercise will make everything better.  You'll be tone and have more muscles (and who doesn't think a fit body is sexy??), you'll be able to clear your mind by doing sweating away the stress, and clear your organs of all the toxins we feed our body (fast food, pesticides from the way we mass produce vegetables, salt, pollution, etc).  Exercise can be anything.  Take the stairs instead of the elevators for a couple of flights, park your car further in the parking lot, walk/ride your bike/rollarblade/skip instead of drive, etc  Just get MOVING!

All I'm trying to say is, make a decision to commit yourself to improving your situation in life.  Be it financially, mentally, physically, spiritually, whatever! and DO IT!

If you are happy with what you have, more power to  you.  Just don't whine and complain how life is crap  when you do nothing to make it better.

It's one thing to dream, have talent, or intentions.  BUT execute with the actions to make it happen.

Note to self: Read this again and again when you complain.  nobody likes a hypocrite

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Paralysis by Analysis

I can't decide!   Should I choose This, That or The Other?  If I get This, I'll get That, but for the wrong price.  If I choose The Other, I get a bit less and The Husband won't like it.

Decisions. Decisions.  Big ones and little ones alike, sometimes it takes forever to make the 'right' choice.  Whatever that is.  I always do a 'cost' analysis.  Will it cost more money or time?  Will it give me emotional, physical, or mental satisfaction?   Do we have space?  If I choose This will my stakeholders be happy.  The stakeholders, usually The Family, are always hard to please.  Reality is, you cannot please everyone.  So, make sure YOU are happy with what you decide.

I didn't realize I did this until my lunch work-buddies pointed it out.  We go to a food court (there are several in the financial district) and then we break-out to get food and meet somewhere.  I say I'm going to get XYZ food, but almost always get 123 food.  I walk around to a minimum of 3-4, if not all, of the different choices, and then buy.   Which one will satisfy the beast, Hunger?  Which one is the best bang for my buck?  Which one has the shortest line?  Which one has the best nutritional value?  Even if we all choose the same place, the combos are messing with my mind.  haha

Be it gym memberships, phone plans, car, furniture, appliances, toys, clothes, EVERYTHING.  It's best when your heart wants something, no matter what logic dictates.  Yeah, it costs too much, I don't have space, and it's not practical.  I WANT it.  Otherwise, I'm checking out several stores, online, talk to other people to get their opinion, then forget about it, and finally not buy/do it.

It takes me forever to decide what to order at a restaurant. And even if I have figured out what I want, it may be swayed depending what other people order.  Why do we have to choose only one dish?  That's why I love dim sum.  I wish other restaurants would adopt the same concept.   Dim sum is a Cantonese term for a type of Chinese dish that involves small individual portions of food.   A couple of ribs, a few wings, two loaded potato skins, small bowl of french onion soup,  one cup of pasta, ribs, lobster, steak, slider burger, a sliver of pie, cake, ice cream, soup, garlic bread bits, french fries, garlic mashed fingers, etc

If dim sum style is just not feasible for some cuisines, then I wish there were more family style restaurants.  Share!

I could go on and on about how long it took to buy my car, house, choose a phone plan, etc  But, with this 'diet', the only thing on my mind is food.

LUNCH!

Luxury, decadence, or just nasty?

I wouldn't say I'm a total slouch in all things luxurious.  But, now with children my limited funds are ear marked for different things.

1. RESPs - one of the best things I can give is an Education to provide for their own future and without starting their careers in student loan debt.


2. RRSPs - I want to retire at 55.   I'll probably still work, but because I want to not because I have to.


3. Mortgage - Of course we want to upgrade at some point.  Bigger house, double/triple garage, wrap around veranda, bigger closet (I have the walk-in in the master bedroom & 2 other closets in the house.  I need a whole room like on Cribs)


4. Family vacations - paying for multiple people instead of just yourself has now tripled my once-upon-a-time single life budget.  Add to that the additional cost of doing dialysis while abroad.  It was an additional $1600 for our 7-day Caribbean vacation last year.


5. Jewelery - Because who doesn't love their bling.


6. Clothes - Dress for success.  When you're training in front a room full of people, looking sharp builds my confidence, but also I think builds my credibility.  People judge your looks to validate what you're saying.  Sad, but true.


7. Kid Stuff - Probably the biggest one.  Clothes, toys, safety stuff, healthy food, classes (i.e. martial arts, swim, gymnastics, art, etc)

Some things that are considered luxurious and decadent seem just nasty.

1. Fur - I'm not a PETA supporter nor vegetarian, but I just don't get why this is so chi-chi.  We're not back in the viking days where you had to slay a bear to keep warm.  With the newest textiles out there you could have a stylish and warm coat without having to wear dead animals.  Also, there's the cost of keeping it in storage in the summer.  Meh.


2. Snails - Ewww.  Dude, it's a slug that leaves a trail of snot as it moves.  Yet, a 'fancy' name on it like Escargot and it's exceptional. No, thanks.


3. Lobster - Love it, but sometimes I wonder why.  It's the cockroach of the sea.   They crawl along the bottom of the sea slurping up crap.  I guess when you smother the sea's cockroach in garlic butter, you can charge an additional $20.


4. Baths - Another love of mine, but again the deeper thought behind it is kinda gross.  You are sitting in a tub of your own filth.  I like to add bubbles, so no need to see if the water gets murky.  They have a whole industry designed to sell you bath stuff.  haha...murky....gross


5. Bidet - Is a low-mounted plumbing fixture or type of sink intended for washing the genitalia, inner buttocks, and anus.  This was the height of decadence back in the day.   Who else has enough room in their bathroom for an additional piece besides their double-sink, stand-up shower, jet-tub, toilet, heated towel rack, and make-up area

There has to be a happy medium.  Save money for your future, but don't forget to spoil yourself once in a while.  You deserve it.  We work to live, not live to work.

Now go have a $10 latte!

[polldaddy poll=4505135]

FTW!!

7 lbs in 3 weeks....not too shabby...not great, but definitely awesome enough to win $5.  Oh the excuses were there.  "I was going out with the Vendor every night" (for work stuff).  What I heard was "I'm a loser and I owe you $5 and my soul for one week!" LMAO!  All this winningness makes me giddy.  I'm not usually such a sore winner.  I have a bit of restraint.  But, with family, who needs to?!  IN YO' FACE BROTHA!!  Now, give me my MONEY!!

Just that morning we had McDonald's for breakfast.  I know, I know.  How can I eat The Taint?!  I eat fast food.  I'm not proud of it.  It just IS sometimes.  I don't always get the 'healthy' choice of a 6 grams of fat sub sandwich that has no cheese, no mayo,and loaded with veggies.  I did try to make it healthy (if that's possible.  and in my head it is :) ) I got an Egg McMuffin with no butter and no cheese.  Ate only half a hash brown (not really by choice, but Marcus wanted it since he doesn't get one.  do I owe him a $1 of my winnings now?).

Back to that 'healthy' fast food choice of subs for a sec.  Who can eat only 6-inches and be done?!?  I'm STILL hungry after that.  I've supplemented it with a cup of soup or huge plate of salad with a small side of dressing that I dip my fork in, fruit, and two glasses of water.  And instead of the cookies or chips the combo comes with, I have one of those 90-calorie snack bags of mini rice cakes drizzled with chocolate.   Hopefully my stomach will shrink so a 6-inch is enough.  I could totally eat a 12-inch in one sitting (most of the time).

Good thing I paid for the Zumba classes, otherwise I would have flaked out on a class or two already.  Dude, if I do get an hour or so free from both kids, I'd like to spend it in a bath or sleep.  At least, Zumba is becoming a little easier.   I'm getting to know the routines and know what the dance steps are when the instructor says 'next'.  Haven't bumped into the fan or anyone else again (well, so far anyway).

I came home still red-faced once and The Husband asked me if  I was ok? HAHA  My response "I'm dancing my A$$ off".  I'm only going once a week and I give it my ALL.  Thinking to sign up for a dance aerobic class also for the next session in combination with the Zumba.  Hopefully, The Husband will watch the kids again and not complain (at least not too much).

Keeping track of my food has helped me.  Keeps me aware of how much calories I'm putting in.  I still have a cookie, cupcake, small bowl of chips, or ice cream a couple of times a week.  I need my junk!  But, at least I'm aware not to eat 1000 calories of junk (not in one sitting at least :) ).  I do feel for a nice big slice of cake though.  Caramel Crunch, Cheesecake (any kind), brownie with ice cream, sugar cookie base with caramel, chocolate, nuts on top bar,or any La Rocca cake.   I haven't yet.  Maybe after our 6-month big weigh-in.

Can't wait!

note:  if you don't know what FTW means, here's a tip to help you communicate with da pickney dem.  www.urbandictionary.com

I fell and I WILL get up

Uh oh...two chocolate cupcakes with white frosting later and I'm disappointed with myself.  Actually, it was after the small handful of chips that I was disappointed.

It happens.  I'm a realist.  Hopefully Zumba will help me burn off at least one of them.  The first weigh in for my Biggest Loser competition is tomorrow!  yikes!

I'm down ~4 lbs since January 1st.   Sometimes only 2 lbs on a 'bad' day.  I know you're not supposed to weigh yourself everyday.  But, I can't help it.   Target weight is big when doing dialysis, so we have one of those accurate scales at home.  I can't resist to know where I stand in this competition.

My brother's wife said he's doing really well.  Not sure if she's trying to mind-phuck me or what.  Whateverrrrrrrrrrrr  I am going to kick his a$$.  (man, I hope so)  Maybe those cupcakes and chips were not a good idea.

It's hard to try and balance baking and dieting.   I love to bake with The Boy.  He likes to stir/mix and pour.  I gave some to The Neighbour, but she's more disciplined then I.  She didn't want seconds of my delicious cake balls.  She ate 12 of them so, I guess I understand her restraint.   They are delicious!

I'm gonna Zumba hard.  Isometrics right now!  I gotta WIN!

I'll let ya know if my wallet is $5 lighter or if my ego gets crushed.

Hoarder

We're just going in to buy FOUR things ONLY.  ONLY I say!   Write it down so we ONLY get those things.

1. Toilet Paper


2. Paper Towels


3. Grapes


4. Lysol disinfectant wipes

Yah right.  Whenever we go to Costco it's NEVER just what's on the list.  You'd think I'd know better.  I LOVE deals.  and buying 500 whatchyamacallits sounds like a deal to me!  Sure I have no room left in my freezer, linen closet, or pantry shelves, but I'm striving to get a bigger house soon-soon anyway right?  This is just a motivator to save more and get it sooner!  I need space for all my Costco buys.

Forget that I hate throwing anything away.  I swear we could use it again.  Reduce. Reuse. Recycle.  We should save that empty paper towel roll thingy.  Then when we have another one Marcus can make binoculars.  I meed to save this small amount of yarn left over so I can use it to make a flower, or a hat for a doll, or SOMETHING.  Sadly, I have a garbage bag full of yarn waiting to be used.  It's come to the point where The Husband won't let me buy another one until I finish the bag.

Same goes for baking pans.  But, when you buy you need at least two.  I think I need three, so I'm compromising at two.  Two muffin trays, mini-muffin trays, cookie sheets, circle and square cake pans, spring-form cheese cake pans, pie plates, mini-loaf pans and loaf pans.  That's it.  I could still use a Madeleine cake tray, offset spatula, piping bag kit, and bigger kitchen.

Everyone has their thang.  Mine happens to be yarn, cookware, and before kids, clothes.  Oh, and books!  Love to read.  Couple that with never throwing stuff away, and well....I've had interventions.  More like 'Yellings'.   THROW IT AWAY seems to be the theme.  That, and 'you can't buy one until you throw one away'.

Yours may be clothes, purses, shoes, movies, t-shirts, golf stuff (ahem....franklin...I'm callin' YOU out!), tools, furniture, lego, video games, whatever!

Ikea, home stuff stores, costco/priceclub and the like didn't become profitable because we don't like to buy stuff.

Everyone has their thing they like to spend their money on, is all I'm saying.

[polldaddy poll=4713306]

i HATE you!!

I know "hate" is a strong word, but I-don't-really-like-you does not proclaim the anger, frustration, and hurt I feel inside.

I won't go into detail who you are.  You know your ugly a$$ when I'm talking to you.  No need for the whole world to know too.  Everyone will eventually see for themselves.  Because you cannot always wear your deception.  True colours always shine through.

I tried to be 'nice'.  Kept my mouth shut and eyes closed to your b.s.  Sometimes I want to leave and not have to deal with your trifling ways.  But, you know how the saying goes.  Misery loves company.  You brought me here, and I intend to capsize your assumptions about us.

Yeah. Yeah.  It'd be healthier to walk away and let cooler heads prevail.  But, I'm blinded by bitterness, resentment and fury.

There's so many variations that are the same:

1. Do unto others as others do unto you.

2. What goes around comes around.

3. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

4. What you put out is what you're going to get.

And you gettin' MISERY!

I am going to walk towards you swinging my arms and kicking my feet.  If you happen to be in my way, it's not my fault. -Simpsons defense

If you deem it necessary to judge me for me for my past, don't be surprised when I put you there.

Likes, Comments, and a Dream

DISCLAIMER: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! for reading, your encouragement, your comments, and support.

Now, that that's out-of-the-way I can say this freely without guilt of asking.

Actually, I need to do some more 'disclaimering' so I don't feel bad for asking.  I TOTALLY appreciate you taking the time out of your day to read my Blog, sharing your comments of support, thoughts, and likes.  You could do so many other things, but you share a few minutes of your day 'with me'.  I am forever grateful.

Ok, now I'm really gonna do it.

Request:

I TOTALLY appreciate your comments and likes that you, dear Reader, do on Facebook (I'm biting the bullet.  Hope I don't shoot myself in the foot) Could I also ask that you do so here?  Please do not be offended.  That isn't my intention! ( See above a$$ ki$$ing)

Logic:

I look back on the stories to remember what was on my mind that particular day.  And although there are many comments on here, I know there are also some on FB.  I have to look back in the history on FB to re-read them.  If they were on here with the applicable post, I could get the best of both worlds.

Dream:

I'd love to turn this into a book to raise money one day.  We have saved Marcus' cord blood when he was born.  With stem cell research the way it is now, who knows what medical break through is in our future.  Maybe they could Star Trek us a kidney for The Husband.  We tried to save Lucas' also, but there was a fukc up at the hospital (I'll save that for a rant another day).  If I could have people's comments and what were 'popular' posts by counting the 'likes' of a post, it would help me.

Will it happen? Probably not.  But, 'probably not' means there's a chance it might.  However small, there is a chance,  and that's all I need to keep going.  (also, my motto for my gambling fun. I'm Asian.  Of course I gamble! lol).

A dream is a wish the heart makes -Disney's Cinderella (1950)

Reality:

Be it here on my Blog, on FB, or dare I ask, BOTH!  Please continue reading, sharing your comments, and likes.  I really hope that I have not turned you off of reading, commenting, and liking my Blog.  I only want to turn you on *giggles*

How to do it:

There is a like button at the end of the post.  It is similar to FB's like option.  Space for comments are also at the end of the post.

Options:

You could also sign up to get email notifications when  I add a new blog post (via the subscription option along the right side of any page).  Feel free to share a story if you think someone you know could relate or enjoy an easy read.

THANKS AGAIN for reading.  PLEASE keep commenting and liking. I LOVE IT! YOU ROCK!

Baby's Daddy

I've seen way too much Maury Povich.  You know the show.   "You ARE NOT the father" show.  Where do they find these people?!  Remember, back in the day.  They had the Jerry Springer show.  Same genre.   I always figured "at least I'm not them".    I know who my baby's daddy is. *snap snap*

I am lucky to have a husband who is a fighter.   From being diagnosed with Kidney Failure in his early 20s (nobody in his family has it), through a kidney transplant (by his loving brother who offered it the day we found out.  Christian we love you), even when it failed approx. four years later (wished we did the big wedding when we could travel more freely, but who knew it would fail so quickly??), through emergency hemodialysis, several surgeries, peritoneal dialysis, many, many emergency ward visits, this man of mine has always come back to love me with all his heart.  I am the lucky one.  I'd love to reflect a little more deeply on each of the above to remember how it affected me.  affected us.  But, I'm not ready to remember those feelings.  They are heavy.

We were advised back in the early days that we may have problems having children due to the dialysis treatments.   Thank God that we were blessed with two healthy boys.  They are Franklin's mini-me.  They give him strength with just a smile.  They drain him with their energy.

Good days or bad, my babies' daddy is there for us.   We are lucky to have him.  He IS the father.

Baby's MaMa

How do single moms and stay at home moms do it?  Especially with more than one child!  Every time The Husband is not feeling well, I am on my own to take care of the children and at times it is overwhelming.  I now have 3 people to worry about on my own.  and man, it is TOUGH!  How do baby mamas do it?!?

Franklin has been out of commission to help since Tuesday.  It started with him steeping off the porch while holding the bucket seat of baby 2.  He missed the step and stepped right onto his ankle.  All I hear is THUD and ARRGHHH.  My first instinct was "How's the baby?!?".  His knee and ankle are messed up.  Now we need to go to Emerg since it may be broken somewhere.  greaaaaaaaaat.

Then he 'crashed' two days in a row while doing his dialysis treatments.  Not only can he not walk around too well, he's also very weak.

One particular day just felt nuts.  Baby 1 was just all over the place, and baby 2 was crying, and baby 3 (the husband) wanted food.  Baby 1 was just feeling a bit stir crazy and over tired.  Baby 2 needed a diaper change and some quiet cooing time.  Baby 3 hadn't eaten much in two days and was looking thin and gaunt.

Thank goodness no one had a fever or was throwing up!!  That's my 'silver lining' or 'it could be worse' logic.  It helps me to appreciate the situation.  I am healthy.  I can do it while my family cannot.  I am thankful that I am healthy and able.

Today is the first day that feels 'back to normal'.  I only had a week, but single moms do it everyday.  And stay-at-home moms have to deal with it everyday too as their husbands go to work. 

You need help.  Be it from your husband/partner, family, or friends.   It does take a village to raise a child.

More power to you baby's mama.

YOU should blog Frankie

I found a blog that would be a great inspiration for my daring husband!  Oh internet....you have EVERYTHING!  It is a light-hearted and sometimes touching look of life on dialysis.  http://www.thisoldkidney.com/

Franklin has some reservations about some of the things I blog about.  I understand.  Some things are about him.  But, he could do it too!  I tried to ease his concerns since he doesn't have to post on FB for all to read.

It's an awesome outlet to just put down those thoughts that repeat in your head over & over.   I suggest it be called a golfer on home hemo.  Not every blog post has to be about dialysis.   It could be mainly about his golf stuff.  i.e. trying to find a decent membership, what it does for him mentally/physically, i.e. frees his  mind from all dialysis stuff, etc.  He could brag about his golfing scores, the tips that he learns from watching the Golf Channel all the time.  But, also blog about being a dad.  I'd love for him to do that story of finding Marcus' poo in his pants.  I could read it from his perspective.

A young golfing father to two kids, who's been dealing with kidney disease, transplant, and dialysis for over 10 years.   I would totally subscribe.

DO IT! DO IT!

I never knew there are so many people on dialysis.  When we go for his clinic appointments or when he had to do emergency hemodialysis in the hospital, we saw all sorts of people.  Really young (8-yrs old), really old, and everything age and race in between.  You probably know someone also.  And if you don't,  you do now.  My Husband.   Live forever.  Sign your donor card.

Thank you for reading dear Reader.  Knowledge is power.  To change the world we must be strong.  Spread the word.  Sign your donor card. 

Crashing

A rough morning for The Husband.  No swimming class for The Boy.  and I keep trying.

It started at 4am with Lucas having a poo emergency.  Then Marcus cries out for me from a nightmare at 5:30am.  Then Franklin yells "LISA! LISA!".  That's never a good sign when he's doing his dialysis treatment and needs help.  He's crashing.  He needs me.  I open the saline drip to try to bring his blood pressure back up.  I need to stay calm and focused with kids crying in the background and a husband who can barely speak and whose eyes are sporadically rolling back.  Long story short after helping him with his dialysis machine and yelling to Marcus that I am helping Daddy and will be there soon, his blood pressure is 99/49.

In all my diet mania I've rid the house of chips and cookies.  Most things high in salt or sugar.  But, at this time something salty is what the The Husband asks for.  I bring him some crackers.  Of course after he eats four with not much change, we see that it is unsalted.   But, at least he's feeling more stable so I go get the babies.  Marcus tells me "I want to be a doctor so I can help Daddy".    I want to cry.

Franklin is sleeping.  I've made Marcus a peanut butter and jam roll up on whole wheat pita, with a glass of milk, apple juice, and now some grapes.  We're watching Kung Fu Panda and will just chill.  We have to pick up some supplies at the hospital, so hopefully later will be better.

Hopefully.

Live Life

This is your LIFE.

Do what you love, and do it often.

If you don't like something, change it.

If you don't like your job, quit.

If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV.

If you are looking for the love of your life, stop.  They will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.

Stop over analyzing.  Life is simple.

All emotions are beautiful when you eat and appreciate every last bite.

Open your mind,arms and heart to new things and people.  We are united in our differences.

Ask the next person next to you to see what their passion is.  And share your inspiring dream with them.

Travel  often; Getting lost will help you find yourself.

Some opportunities only come once.  Seize them.

Life is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating.

Life is short.  Live your dream and wear your passion.

I read this somewhere and felt inspired to make changes.  Life can become monotonous and boring sometimes.   You feel like you are in a rut.  But, make a change and get yourself out of it.  It is only you that keeps you there.

2011 is my year and I'm doing ME.

Saved from Evil

It was a looooooong morning.

It started with a crank call at 6:15am.  nice.

Have to be at M's Godmother's place by 7:30am (actually 7:45am, but you know who you are...sometimes you have to trick yourself to get there on time.  or at least reasonably late).  Diaper changes, clothes, teeth, clean the car, and car seats, then we are off by 7:30am.  W00t!  I'm running on time.

Turn onto the major street and already I'm hit with traffic.  Grrr.  Two and a half hours later we are all at the Parenting Centre.  Awesome place for the picknees.  Sandbox, Waterbox, painting, crafts, sing time, story time, snacks, crafts, books, blocks, play kitchen, costumes, bumba chair, play saucer chair thingy, coffee,toys,  and FUN!

We had McD's for breakfast. Egg McMuffin combo.  Forgot to mention no butter & no cheese.  ahh well.  I chose the 'healthy' breakfast right? :P

By 2pm I'm STARVING!  We are on our way to our Roots of Empathy (ROE) meeting.  We stop off at a store because me and my camel (aka my niece Nicole who drinks LOTS of water) are thirsty.   And there it is.  In all its prepackaged, refined sugar, evil glory.  A hostess chocolate cupcake.  I got the water since I'm thirsty, but try to hold off since we'll be going out to eat after the ROE session.  But, when you are hungry almost anything looks delicious.  Even disgusting fake chocolate fat in the shape of a cupcake.

In the car I figured if I share it with M's Godmother or my niece I wouldn't be totally fatting out.  But, my niece saved me.  She took it out of my hands.  Told me not to do it.  I still wanted it.  Even tried to convince her to sink to my level and have one.  Then she read out the 'nutritional' value.  Sodium, Sugar, Fat, Calories.  That did it.  No thanks.

Thanks Darling!  You saved my waistline for that minute.  Although, at 7:44am it's looking pretty tempting again.  I should just throw it away.  Or maybe someone can eat it in front of me so I can eat it vicariously through them.

Any volunteers?

Drive Much?!?

There's a reason I take the GO Train to work and not drive.  I mean, I could drive.  The $ is about the same since I know where's a good parking lot, but I I just cannot handle the traffic on 404/DVP.  I'd rather play my DS, listen to my iPod, read the Shout Outs, read my chick-lit book, do the Sudoku, crochet, ANYTHING! except sleep.  I just can't sleep in public like that.  My brother asked "what's the problem?  you think someone's going to steal your shoes?".  Yeah...my family....the comedians. :P

But, I digress.  Driving with traffic is bad enough, but add some type of slippery weather and everyone's brains turn off. Like WTF!?

1. Slow the F down!

2. Speed the F up!

3. Why are you Fing breaking there's NO ONE in front of you?

4. He's following too close.  Get off my A$$!

5. Check your blind spot MF!

6. Get off the road!  YOU give me a bad name chick/asian

(please excuse the expletives.  when i suffer from road rage, it also lowers my I.Q., tolerance, and increases my racist outbursts)  I have to now say this all in my head since I have children in the car.

And for the greater good, my road rage will sleep while I take the GO Train.

I smell $h!t. Do you smell that?!?

Have you ever potty trained a kid?!?  It's my first time and man, are there ups and downs.  And the downs are all gross!

UP:

M-Dawg:  Can I use the potty mommy?

Me:  Yes! Yes!  Of course!  Come, let me undo your onesy.

M-Dawg: (Runs over and puts his arms up to take it off)

Me: (thinks: off??  ummm..whatever....go with it)

M-Dawg:  Look mommy!  Look!

Me:  Awesome!  Amazing!  Way to go buddy!  You did it!  You did it!  Let's call po-po and gung-gung and tell them! (grandmother and grandfather from mother's side in Chinese)

M-Dawg:  I get TWO wine gums mommy.

Me:  ok.  That was the deal. (how'd he remember that?!?)  Now, let's put your clothes back on.

M-Dawg:  Noooooooooooo! (Run around living room naked for45 mins)

DOWN:

Marky Marc has taken off his PJs on the pretext of going to use the potty. It worked last time, so why not?


Frankie:  I smell shit.  Do you smell that?  (Comes down the stairs after waking up)

Marky Marc: LANGUAGE DADDY!

Me:  Yeah, Daddy.  LANGUAGE!  Maybe it's your upper lip? (smirk)

Frankie:  No Seriously.  Marcus, did you poo?

Marky Marc: Nooooooo (giggles)

Frankie:  What IS that?!  Marcus, did you POO?!

Marky Marc: Noooo (giggles)

Frankie: (looks around and sees his PJs and underpants lying on the floor with POO in IT!) MARCUS!!

Me:  MARCUS!! (Marky Marc turns to run away and now you can see his butt...that's all I'm sayin') DO NOT SIT ON THAT!!  Get upstairs! Get upstairs!

Marky Marc: HA HA HA HA HA!  (sits down)

Biggest Loser

So, one of my 2011 resolutions was to make myself a priority and become  FABulous again.   I signed up for Zumba and setup some tools to help me with my diet.

First: Zumba – FUN! FUN! FUN!

I thought to myself  “I have rhythm.  I can dance.  This should be easy to transition into getting more active”.  That’s what I thought.   Then I went to my first class and felt like I had one  left foot on an old lady’s body.  I say one because I could do most of the moves and didn’t twist an ankle.  I did go the wrong way then the rest of the class.  I did bump into the fan that was behind me.  I did laugh my head off at how funny I looked in the front mirror.   Oh what a sight: red faced, going the wrong way, and laughing like I was high.  Good times.

Second: Diet – Game ON!

So, to help motivate me to stay on this diet I engaged my oldest brother into a Biggest Loser type competition.  We will have a weigh-in at our weekly family dinners and the winner of the $5 from the other person will be the person who loses the largest percentage of body weight from the previous week.  We’ll have a 3 and 6 month BIG weigh in:  who ever has lost the highest percentage of weight change from the original start weight.  We agreed $20 for that one.  Yes, we could have agreed to bigger money, i.e. $100, but the reality is my brother and I are uber competitive.  It’s not the money, but the personal honour of being able to shamelessly emotionally abuse the chubb chubb that motivates us.  I can’t weight! (not a spelling mistake, but bad pun)

Now that Franklin has many more ‘good’ days than before, I see us getting out more.  Why better now compared to before?  I’ll save that for another day of reflection.

The ‘uber’ (aka unhealthy) competition conversation:

Brother:  I will die before I lose

Me: You just might old man.  Be careful.  I joined Zumba!  (note to reader: I realize I have to do more that one measly class a week, but gotta start somewhere, so spppfft )

Brother:  Well, I’ve got hockey.

Me:  Men do lose weight faster than woman, but I am younger and breastfeeding!

Brother:  ewwwww

Me: ha ha ha.  Breastfeeding!!  Breastfeeding!!

For those who need the math: example – (start at 200 pounds and lose 10 pounds and you have lost 5%)

[(Start weight - Finish Weight) X 100 / Start weight = percentage lost.].

Second again – Tracking what I put in my belly

I’m using MyFitnessPal.com to track what I put into my mouth.  It’s pretty good.  You enter your starting weight and target weight by when and it will tell you how much calories you need to eat to reach your goal.   They have a database of food that I can search.  I select what I ate and the portion.  The site will calculate the calories, carbs, fat, protein.  It’s not so much I’m counting, but just to be aware of what I’m eating.

I got rid of all the chips and cookies.  I know the family would like to have one and when company comes over who doesn’t want to have a snacker handy.  But, if it’s in the house I’ll eat it.  I don’t have the self-control part down yet.  For food and for many other things for that matter. lol  For some of my friends is alcohol, smoking, shopping, etc.  YOU know who you are.  You can relate.

Diet is not the politically correct term anymore.  Life style change is the buzz word now.  Well, it’s a diet now until it becomes second nature to turn down a second portion of delicious lasagna, choose fish instead of steak since I’ve already eaten red meat twice this week, pass on the chocolate fudge cake and have fruit.  I’m still getting a handle on portion control so I could eat a sliver of cake or only two cookies.

I WILL get there.

Potty Mouth - LITERALLY

ewww! ewww! ewww!  You'd think I would know better by now.

It starts off with a 4:13am wake up cry.  At first it sounded like mwah mwah mwah mwah like Charlie Brown's teacher.  Then you slowly figure it out.  PICK ME UP! MY DIAPER IS DIRTY! FEED ME!  The more intense crying then the 1:15am cry.  Hey, after 3-months of interrupted sleep, you're not always as swift.   You try it!  Also, it used to be the 3am show.  Check my FB posts to see the pattern.

But, I digress.  As I change his diaper I'm doing things via small lamp lighting.  I've done this a gajillion times.  No problem right?  I'm singing a little ditty that goes like this "You're name is Lucas.  My name is Mommy.  His name is Marcus.  And Daddy too.  We all love you every daaaaaaay, even when you pee or poo" (in the tune of "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine")

Well, when you change boys you either have to be FAST or PREPARED.

By being prepared you have to:

1. Put a tissue over their goo-goo while you do everything.  i.e. put their hand mittens back on, wiping, putting on butt cream, that kinda stuff


2. KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!

I obviously wasn't "prepared" at 4:30am and I knew it once  the fluid hit my lips.  OMG!  That woke my ass up real quick.

note to self: Be faster at changing diapers

Get the $%# UP and help me with the kids!!!

I contemplated whether to write about this or not.  Then I re-read my first post. This is to help me vent my feelings.  I also re-read the marriage post, and I have to say something otherwise I will grow to resent him (and it's starting).  So, instead of saying it to The Husband, because really it's not his fault, I will vent here.

I've been up several times over the night for feedings and newborn baby sleepness. So, when Marcus wakes up at 6am and Lucas is still sleeping, I go with him to his room and just have him lie down with me to cuddle.  By 6:30am he goes to our bedroom to wake up The Husband since I fell asleep.  Back and forth he goes until Lucas wakes up.  I bring Lucas into Marcus' room and together we fall back asleep.  Franklin is still sleeping and Marcus is watching SpongeBob in our bedroom with him.  All is right in the world.

Then SpongeBob is over, Franklin has yelled at Marcus to leave him alone, and Lucas is  now up and crying.  Time to get up!  Morning diapers and teeth brushing await before we feed my now hungry toddler.

So, the morning goes on with blueberry whole wheat pancakes (homemade of course.  even the pancake mix!), spread with a bit of peanut butter and topped with whipped cream (a Marcus request of toppings).  Delicious AND Nutritious!  We sing and dance while I cook, do dishes, and sweep up.  Watch Train your Dragon movie while we eat then play hockey with his newly bought foam hockey sticks.

I've changed 2 morning diapers and an additional 3 poopy diapers and it's not even 11am yet!  I want to go take a shower and take a nap since Lucas has gone back to sleep.  Franklin, it's 11:30am, think you could wake up by 12pm?  A mumbled 'sure'.

It's 12pm and Marcus is starting to get stir crazy.  The movie is done.  He's starting to hit Lucas with his foam hockey sticks.  Lucas is getting cranky and doesn't want to be in his Bumba chair, nor his bouncy chair, nor sit on the couch, or bounced on my knee.   He wants this monkey to dance.  You know....walk around and sing while I carry his 14 lbs.  30 minutes?   NOT ENOUGH!!  Marcus has taken off all his clothes on the pretense that he wants to use the potty and refuses to put it back on.  He's going to get his goo-goo juice everywhere!  He has climbed the outside part of the stairs so he can flick the living room lights on and off.  The patients are running the asylum!

Franklin, can you get the $#%!@ up already!  I was understanding when yet again I have to wake up with our toddler after waking up several times in the night with our newborn.  I was understanding when I changed several diapers all morning while you slept.  I was understanding when I came down to a sink full of dirty dishes that I washed even though  you said you would do them.  I was understanding when I swept the living room and kitchen even though you said you would help out more.

I know the dialysis is taking its toll on your body and you're exhausted.  But, what the hell was the excuse for not doing the dishes last night when you were feeling well?!  What was the excuse that you're going to use for not sweeping up?!  What's your excuse for leaving your snacks from last night on the coffee table yet again?!

The reality is, you could have taken care of all of it this morning and helped me if you were not surviving by doing dialysis everyday to save your life.  I'm just tired.  physically and mentally.

I resent the disease not you darling.  I say this now.  At the end of my rant.  I sure didn't feel this way when I started writing this.  Oh Blog.  You saved Franklin from my frustration.

 

Marriage - Happy Wife Happy Life

A dear friend of mine let me know that their marriage was not working and a separation was inevitable. I wish I was there to give her a big hug and just hold her. She wasn't crying. More matter of fact. So I suspect that this hurt feeling has been for some time and has reached the point of no return. When you don't love anymore, there is no foundation for hurt feelings, happiness, nor anger. I guess that's where the saying goes that arguing is healthy. there's still hope.

When something like this happens close to home, it makes me reflect on my own life. How the hell have I been with Franklin for 20-yrs?! We've had a couple of breaks in our early years during high school and university, but that just helped me appreciate that Franklin is a good man. Dating was tricky. Met some good people, but way too many that only had sex on the brain, played games, and b.s. like that.

A relationship is not always easy . Be it with friends, family, co-workers, your spouse, or your teenage children! (from what I hear about them youths. I'm already scared how that'll be :P)

Franklin and I are not always on the same page. We have disagreements about big stuff like his dialysis treatments at home and petty stuff like leaving dishes on the counter instead of the sink. But, after 2-days of it being on the counter, frackin' clean it! That's all I'm saying. lol...can you tell which petty complaint I have??

Try having SEX with same person year after year. Sex in the City doesn't focus on any of that. It does take effort on both parts. The 'honeymoon' period, 1-yr for some, 10-yrs for others, makes it easy to make sweet love to your partner. But, throw kids, a mortgage, aging parents, health issues, sleep deprivation, etc. then you sometimes have to make an extra effort. Date nights, Fantasy, Role Playing, Toys, Stories, WHATEVER! Just make sure you do them with your husband/wife and not the hottie at work :P

A couple of things I've learned (and no, the below list does not have specific sex positions to help you survive 20-yrs, experiment for yourself!):

Choose your battles - Sometime it's not worth arguing over.

Speak your mind - If you keep emotions bottled up, you just grow to resent the other person.

It's the little things that add up - Make an effort to make the other person feel special. A phone call to say I love you. An emailed article about a topic they might like. A special meal after a rough week.

Looks do matter - Keep looking good for your partner and for yourself. Nobody finds a slop who is fat & sweaty attractive. B.O. is NOT sexy...ewww

Forgive - It's probably one of the harder ones, but is one of the strongest tools. I find it particularly hard when The Husband is 'sorry' for the same frackin' thing AGAIN. Put your dishes in the sink already!!

When the stars are all aligned and Franklin's does all of the above, I know I'm happy.

POO EMERGENCY! POO EMERGENCY!!

Well last night's sleep was better than most night's sleep lately.

Lucas woke up only twice! 11pm, 2:45am, 4:45am then fully awake by 6:30am. I don't count 11pm since I was awake anyway and 6:30am is sleeping in for him. This sleep deprived reality is a Princess' birth control. HAHA

It got 'better'. As the fam and I chatter in our bed together, Lucas poos with a half-smile grunt. greaaaaaaat. I know I'll be in for a treat, but I didn't expect it to be so 'special'.

I carry him over to the baby room and i feel a dampness on his back. Yes..you read right...HIS BACK! As I take off his clothes I see that it's gone up his back AND his front. How the hell does it DO that?!? Bath time at 7am. waaaaaaah...I want a greasy big breakfast!

This is a 'scared straight' moment for you future Maury Povich guests who are not practicing safe sex.

Hello world! Eleisa's First Blog Post

Where do I start with this thing?  I'm a total newb when it comes to blogging and I'm not sure what the protocol is.

QUESTIONS: Who's going to read it?  What will they think?  Should I really blog about this or that?

ANSWER:  Who gives a $h!t#*?!  This is an outlet for me.  An outlet to vent some ugliness, share the sunshine of Franklin's good days, and the idiosyncrasies of my boys growing up.  No offense dear reader.

REALITY:  My ego cares!  Yes, this is for me to document my life, but deep down I still slightly want to know what you think.  I say "slightly" to protect dear precious Ego for when there are no reads/comments.    I like to write.  The cliche of writing down your feelings to help sort yourself instead of yelling/crying/calling everyone works for me.

So, here I am.  Sharing.

I hope you enjoy.