I contemplated whether to write about this or not. Then I re-read my first post. This is to help me vent my feelings. I also re-read the marriage post, and I have to say something otherwise I will grow to resent him (and it's starting). So, instead of saying it to The Husband, because really it's not his fault, I will vent here.
I've been up several times over the night for feedings and newborn baby sleepness. So, when Marcus wakes up at 6am and Lucas is still sleeping, I go with him to his room and just have him lie down with me to cuddle. By 6:30am he goes to our bedroom to wake up The Husband since I fell asleep. Back and forth he goes until Lucas wakes up. I bring Lucas into Marcus' room and together we fall back asleep. Franklin is still sleeping and Marcus is watching SpongeBob in our bedroom with him. All is right in the world.
Then SpongeBob is over, Franklin has yelled at Marcus to leave him alone, and Lucas is now up and crying. Time to get up! Morning diapers and teeth brushing await before we feed my now hungry toddler.
So, the morning goes on with blueberry whole wheat pancakes (homemade of course. even the pancake mix!), spread with a bit of peanut butter and topped with whipped cream (a Marcus request of toppings). Delicious AND Nutritious! We sing and dance while I cook, do dishes, and sweep up. Watch Train your Dragon movie while we eat then play hockey with his newly bought foam hockey sticks.
I've changed 2 morning diapers and an additional 3 poopy diapers and it's not even 11am yet! I want to go take a shower and take a nap since Lucas has gone back to sleep. Franklin, it's 11:30am, think you could wake up by 12pm? A mumbled 'sure'.
It's 12pm and Marcus is starting to get stir crazy. The movie is done. He's starting to hit Lucas with his foam hockey sticks. Lucas is getting cranky and doesn't want to be in his Bumba chair, nor his bouncy chair, nor sit on the couch, or bounced on my knee. He wants this monkey to dance. You know....walk around and sing while I carry his 14 lbs. 30 minutes? NOT ENOUGH!! Marcus has taken off all his clothes on the pretense that he wants to use the potty and refuses to put it back on. He's going to get his goo-goo juice everywhere! He has climbed the outside part of the stairs so he can flick the living room lights on and off. The patients are running the asylum!
Franklin, can you get the $#%!@ up already! I was understanding when yet again I have to wake up with our toddler after waking up several times in the night with our newborn. I was understanding when I changed several diapers all morning while you slept. I was understanding when I came down to a sink full of dirty dishes that I washed even though you said you would do them. I was understanding when I swept the living room and kitchen even though you said you would help out more.
I know the dialysis is taking its toll on your body and you're exhausted. But, what the hell was the excuse for not doing the dishes last night when you were feeling well?! What was the excuse that you're going to use for not sweeping up?! What's your excuse for leaving your snacks from last night on the coffee table yet again?!
The reality is, you could have taken care of all of it this morning and helped me if you were not surviving by doing dialysis everyday to save your life. I'm just tired. physically and mentally.
I resent the disease not you darling. I say this now. At the end of my rant. I sure didn't feel this way when I started writing this. Oh Blog. You saved Franklin from my frustration.
