A lovely lady messaged me about The Husband.
"Hi Eleisa,
How are you?? Good blogs.. I read all your posts.. they are definitely interesting.. one question popped in my mind when I read the latest blog. You mentioned that Franklin has been go through dialysis for 10 years.. Exactly how did he get it?? It seems scary. I want to do everything possible to not get it.
Hope you and the family are doing well!!"
I've been meaning to tell her what the history was. Well, at least how it started and how we found out. What were the signs? What effect it had on him? on me? on our relationship?
We're in our early twenties and we don't know what is happening and why is it happening. It starts with really bad headaches. At first Extra Strength Tylonal would help. Then the headaches got worse and the Tylonal wasn't helping anymore. It was to the point where he would be in bed holding his head squirming and groaning in pain while in the dark.
Finally, he went to see the doctor. His blood pressure (BP) was 280/140. The doctor advised to get to Emergency right away. That's when he called me to meet him there. He didn't sound different then he usually did, so I didn't understand the urgency. When I met him there, the doctors said he's lucky he was young. Anyone else with that BP would be considered having a heart attack.
This is how we learned his kidney was dying.
A lot of emotions are going through our hearts. How could this happen? Why him? NO ONE in his family has kidney failure. What is his future? Will he live? Do I stay with him? Where do we go from here? When did this start? Could he have prevented it? Many of those questions we still ask ourselves today.
After some reflection, we believe it started when he ruptured his kidneys while playing rugby while in high school. Franklin researched our hunches and there are studies that show that people who have injured their kidneys are 70% more likely to have kidney problems later in life. So, take care of your kidneys.
I remember my dad asking me if I was sure I knew what I was getting myself into. He caveat-ed the harsh reality with "as your dad I just was to make sure you know what you're getting into." Only a parent who loves you and wants only the best for you would ask that. I understand where he is coming from. We are not married. I still have a choice to leave. The future with a partner who is terminally ill will be difficult to say the least.
I still have the same response today as I did all those years ago. I want to spend everyday with him even if it is for 1-yr or 50-yrs. I want to enjoy my life with him for as long as we both shall live.
I still have personal fears. Being alone at 50 with two (maybe three if I can convince him and we are so blessed :) ) and spending my golden years alone. That's the biggest one. But, even with that, I still want to experience every up and down with him. I wouldn't want to do it with anyone else.
Read the next chapter in Please put him on dialysis Doc post.
or
Read more stories about living with kidney failure from the spouses (my) perspective with posts from the Kidney Failure category.
