I participated in a research discussion for caretakers of dialysis patients recently and it was a bit emotionally taxing (in a good way). Some of the questions asked had me revisiting emotions I keep locked away and buried so I can face our future. I could have easily fluffed the answers, but that's just not me. I was quite frank and candid about my life and how dialysis effects me and my family.
At first he asked questions that was already answered amongst the group. How old are you again? How many years? I was starting to lose confidence in this being of any benefit. But, he was able to summarize exactly how I feel sometimes. I was talking about some everyday life scenarios and sometimes it's frustrating when he is exhausted after therapy. He said 'it sounds like your are resentful, but also guilty'. I wasn't offended. Should I have been? Because I think I am. I am resentful when he has slept in until 12:30pm and I've been up since 5:30am with both kids for 4 days in a row. But, then I feel guilty for feeling resentful since dialysis is kicking his ass and he's doing the best he can. I hope that my raw emotional answers help to make a better process for those about to start this journey.
I resent the disease. Not him. I am frustrated with the disease and the struggles it gives us each day. Not him. Although I b!t3h and complain ("vent") sometimes, and it sound like it's directed at The Husband, it truly never is about him. It's the disease.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Making a Vacation with No Money
I love having the opportunity to be with my son everyday for the first year of his life. I'm able to do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Breastfeed on demand. Make him fresh baby food. Watch both my boys learn to interact and love each other. But, the maternity leave budget really reduces our fun money.
We go out often, but a vacation where we go on a plane, to a 5-star somewhere, and eat well everyday is not on the books this year. Welcome the idea of a Staycation. We stay at home for our vacation. Woohoo! (enter sarcasm here) It doesn't have to be total crap. With a smaller vacation budget we'll just do stuff in and around the city like a tourist. Hello theme parks, water parks, Science Centre, Zoo, CN Tower, The Falls, beaches, picnics, etc Perhaps Great Wolf Lodge can be worked in. Although, from what I've heard from other parents, my kids may be too young to enjoy all the amenities. Definitely a cottage is a must.
It's not where you go on vacation (this is what I tell myself to keep the illusion alive), it's the state of mind. I don't want to look at a clock to be at some scheduled activity. I don't want to cook. I want to go to places I don't normally go to.
One of my grandiose plans for this summer is to create a backyard oasis. Hammock, garden, pool (not sure if just a kiddy one or a small above ground one), sandbox, bbq area, and a swinging chair so Franklin and I can watch the kids play while we swing together and chat.
Nom. Nom. Nom. That's me eating an awesome steak cooked by the hubby and my money buying all my summer dreams.
[polldaddy poll=5014389]
We go out often, but a vacation where we go on a plane, to a 5-star somewhere, and eat well everyday is not on the books this year. Welcome the idea of a Staycation. We stay at home for our vacation. Woohoo! (enter sarcasm here) It doesn't have to be total crap. With a smaller vacation budget we'll just do stuff in and around the city like a tourist. Hello theme parks, water parks, Science Centre, Zoo, CN Tower, The Falls, beaches, picnics, etc Perhaps Great Wolf Lodge can be worked in. Although, from what I've heard from other parents, my kids may be too young to enjoy all the amenities. Definitely a cottage is a must.
It's not where you go on vacation (this is what I tell myself to keep the illusion alive), it's the state of mind. I don't want to look at a clock to be at some scheduled activity. I don't want to cook. I want to go to places I don't normally go to.
One of my grandiose plans for this summer is to create a backyard oasis. Hammock, garden, pool (not sure if just a kiddy one or a small above ground one), sandbox, bbq area, and a swinging chair so Franklin and I can watch the kids play while we swing together and chat.
Nom. Nom. Nom. That's me eating an awesome steak cooked by the hubby and my money buying all my summer dreams.
[polldaddy poll=5014389]
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