I must be a total nutcase. A glutton for punishment. I would love to have a third child.
Life with a toddler and baby is challenging. The sleep deprivation. Food differences. Laundry (mainly because of the amount of baby barf). Trying to pack everyone up to go out takes at around an hour. Feeding. Diapers. Bucket car seat. Diaper bag. Snacks. Cell phone. I'm sure it could be done faster. I just haven't mastered it yet I guess. Any parents with kids would agree it can be tough at times. Very much worth it when they say "thank you mommy". or when they come out of no where and hug you and tell you they love you. My heart melts each time I see him smile, when he gives me a high-five when he's proud of something he's done. A house full of laughter and even sibling bickering (I'm sure I'll eat my words to that for sure) sounds like an awesome future.
I've always wanted three kids. If I had to do this baby chapter in my life all over again, I wish I started a few years earlier. I knew it was a lifetime commitment of sacrifice for their success and happiness. No more ridiculous spending. Those are all earmarked for their future. I listed most of it in my Luxury, decadence, or just nasty? post. I wasn't ready. I still wanted to party. Spend money frivolously. Head out to the Casino on a whim. We were living as DINKS and it was great. But, as most woman can agree, the metaphorical internal clock was starting to DING! DONG! really loudly.
We were nervous at first. When he started peritoneal dialysis years ago, the doctors said that dialysis could lead to infertility. We froze sperm when we heard that. Fortunately we didn't need it. First try...is all I'm saying. :) How so very blessed were we. So many other dialysis patients are not as fortunate. This fracking disease will steal your life, but also your future line too. I hate kidney failure.
But, I digress. I want a third child because I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys. They have each other to be friends with. I knew I always wanted at least two. Sadly, we will not be around forever. So, I wanted to ensure someone will be around that will HAVE TO love you. That is what family is all about. LOL I was able to reuse all of Boy 1's clothes on Boy 2.
Unfortunately, I did not start early enough. To have a third child I considered higher risk. That, and the glaring reality that Franklin would not be able to help as much as he would like. If I find it tough when he's sick and dealing with my two boys, it would only be madness if I was to have another. Yet, I still want to. No one is on board with this idea. Not my parents nor my husband. My parents are not getting any younger. They have been a main support system when I am at my darkest. They help pick Franklin up from the hospital, watch my toddler, cook food - when I just had Baby 2, when Franklin is in the hospital, when Franklin gets out and she makes special nutritious Chinese soups, and just to talk. My favourite brother also thinks it's an asinine idea. I have my plate full as it is.
My mom was done having kids by the age I just started. I also want to retire by 55, no later than 60, but really, now would be good too. I actually would love to have 4 kids, but would settle for 3. But, is my fate to have only 2 be my reality?
Sadly, I think so. But, I'll try to wear down Franklin and plant "Daddy's little girl" ideas. mwhahaha
[polldaddy poll=4738099]
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
GO Train Rant
Bby 2's 5am ish wake up has become 6am ish with the Spring Forward daylight savings time rubbish. I'll rant about the switcheroo pointlessness another time. One 'good' thing about consistently waking up this early is I'll be somewhat conditioned to go back to the grind. Work routine. Or more specifically, The Commute. agghhhh...
I am one of those Bay Street Rats who pack onto the GO Train day in and day out. It's been a couple of years now, so I can officially understand what those people would complain about. Before I would think "what are you whining about?! You get air conditioning. You have a better group of people compared to some of the wackos, rudey's, nasties, and teenage hooligans on the TTC. You have a seat without someone's a$$ or crotch in your face. You're not jostled every couple of minutes at each stop with tons of people getting on and off." and so much more.
I always wondered why people were running and pushing people out of their way when trying to catch their train. Because if you don't, you might have to wait 30-60 minutes for your next train! Now, when the commute is already 40-60 minutes, that means a long day is just too long. And when you have kids at a daycare/babysitter's that means money. $5 a minute!
Also, I HATE when people have their bags or feet on the seat. I hear this complaint a lot, yet so many people do it. Did your freakin' bag pay the $6 to enjoy a seat to itself while I walk through train car after car to find a seat? Or perhaps you were raised with no class or manners that you think it is ok to put your dirty shoes on the seat in front of you. I wear light coloured clothes in the summer time and when I saw a dirty mark on my dress after sitting on one of those seats I was livid! Dirty Mother Fukcers! I get it. It's a long ride and when no one is sitting with you, you want to stretch out. Then stretch out with your feet in front, but not on the seat. If you feel it necessary to do so, then put it on the plastic part that separates the seats. I'm not even sure what to say to you people who take OFF your shoes and put them on the seat. Thanks?! At least you don't have your dirty shoes there, but come on. When I get a waft of feet hitting my nostrils I want to gag and then beat you over the head with my purse! This is not your living room. I know you spend enough time on this thing each week that you think it is like home, but show some respect to others and for yourself. Jeeze.
Since I'm ranting about seats, lets keep it going. How about the self-entitled people who think it is ok to save a seat for their friend. Or worse, save 3 seats! Sorry your friend is slow as molasses getting here, but the seats are limited and I am not standing for 40 minutes until the train thins out to get a seat. Tell their a$$ to hurry the F up or YOU ALL can stand together if you are so concerned with being all together during the commute home. I went to sit down once and this chick has the nerve to say "I'm saving that for a friend". There are other seats I guess. But, why should I go looking around because of your slow friend and your b.s.?! I paid my fare. I'm here early enough to get a seat (see running and tackling above). I want a seat without all the attitude and stink eye.
After a long day I DO NOT want to hear you b!t3h about your job for the entire ride home. You just spent all day at your job, do you really want to live work stuff a minute longer when your are not even 'on the clock'. Get paid to stress about work. Otherwise, let it go. Start to unwind and unplug from work life and start enjoying your quiet time before you get home. And for me, it's home to kids, husband, and dinner. Most of the time that's awesome, but there are days where I just want to stay on past my stop and have it pull into an already made dinner with kids that are asleep and a hot bath is waiting. But, getting the exciting "Mommy! Mommy!" and kisses hello from my boys has me running for my train and getting off at the right stop each time. People who talk too loud to each other or on the phone need a dedicated car for themselves. If that's your thang then groovy for you, but be considerate to others around you. This is not your living room or local bar where you all are catching up over a pint.
Make-up people. Not sure what to say about you. Because sometimes I have to say it to myself too. This is not your bathroom. Wake up 5 minutes earlier and put your face on at home. I see you pull out your make-up bag and it is quite the regime. Concealer. Powder. Eyebrows. Eye Shadow. Lip liner. Lipstick/gloss.
The GO Train parking lot is another area that needs a beating stick. Let a car in. Take turns. You were let in, now pay it forward. Karma people. Try not to run people over. It's a fracking parking lot. You shouldn't be speeding in there. You save yourself maybe 10 minutes?? Is it worth the extra stress and road rage? I bet your blood pressue doesn't think so, nor the people you cut off.
The newspaper mess is just unacceptable. It's great getting a free paper to read the headlines, shout outs, do the soduko, and read your horoscope. Now, just remember to bring it with you OFF the train you lazy mofos! There are recycling bins at every stop. Why should someone clean up your mess?! When I see someone reading their paper, particularly the star, although all papers are guilty, and throw section by section under their seat, then NOT pick it up after, really pisses me off. Why should I sit surrounded by your laziness?!
I wish I could sleep like some of you. Although, at the same time I am glad that I can't. I'd hate to be one of those mouth open, drooling, or snoring loudly type sleepers that is on the GO. I always have something to keep my mind off the 100's of things that usually repeat themselves that usually leave me stressed. Tons of choices - MP3 player to listen to some vibe. Either to get me pumped, relax, reflect on how life was during that time when the song was a hit, etc; Watch a movie/show on the small screen; DS with my R4 so I have tons of games to choose from. My brain age is 20 btw; A book/magazine; Free newspaper; Something. If I don't have anything, which sometimes happens because I'm bad at keeping things charged, it's a long ride. Although, I try to close my eyes and meditate. Definitely, not my strength.
But, as my silver lining is, at least I don't have to take a commuter train in Japan or India.
[polldaddy poll=4716210]
I am one of those Bay Street Rats who pack onto the GO Train day in and day out. It's been a couple of years now, so I can officially understand what those people would complain about. Before I would think "what are you whining about?! You get air conditioning. You have a better group of people compared to some of the wackos, rudey's, nasties, and teenage hooligans on the TTC. You have a seat without someone's a$$ or crotch in your face. You're not jostled every couple of minutes at each stop with tons of people getting on and off." and so much more.
I always wondered why people were running and pushing people out of their way when trying to catch their train. Because if you don't, you might have to wait 30-60 minutes for your next train! Now, when the commute is already 40-60 minutes, that means a long day is just too long. And when you have kids at a daycare/babysitter's that means money. $5 a minute!
Also, I HATE when people have their bags or feet on the seat. I hear this complaint a lot, yet so many people do it. Did your freakin' bag pay the $6 to enjoy a seat to itself while I walk through train car after car to find a seat? Or perhaps you were raised with no class or manners that you think it is ok to put your dirty shoes on the seat in front of you. I wear light coloured clothes in the summer time and when I saw a dirty mark on my dress after sitting on one of those seats I was livid! Dirty Mother Fukcers! I get it. It's a long ride and when no one is sitting with you, you want to stretch out. Then stretch out with your feet in front, but not on the seat. If you feel it necessary to do so, then put it on the plastic part that separates the seats. I'm not even sure what to say to you people who take OFF your shoes and put them on the seat. Thanks?! At least you don't have your dirty shoes there, but come on. When I get a waft of feet hitting my nostrils I want to gag and then beat you over the head with my purse! This is not your living room. I know you spend enough time on this thing each week that you think it is like home, but show some respect to others and for yourself. Jeeze.
Since I'm ranting about seats, lets keep it going. How about the self-entitled people who think it is ok to save a seat for their friend. Or worse, save 3 seats! Sorry your friend is slow as molasses getting here, but the seats are limited and I am not standing for 40 minutes until the train thins out to get a seat. Tell their a$$ to hurry the F up or YOU ALL can stand together if you are so concerned with being all together during the commute home. I went to sit down once and this chick has the nerve to say "I'm saving that for a friend". There are other seats I guess. But, why should I go looking around because of your slow friend and your b.s.?! I paid my fare. I'm here early enough to get a seat (see running and tackling above). I want a seat without all the attitude and stink eye.
After a long day I DO NOT want to hear you b!t3h about your job for the entire ride home. You just spent all day at your job, do you really want to live work stuff a minute longer when your are not even 'on the clock'. Get paid to stress about work. Otherwise, let it go. Start to unwind and unplug from work life and start enjoying your quiet time before you get home. And for me, it's home to kids, husband, and dinner. Most of the time that's awesome, but there are days where I just want to stay on past my stop and have it pull into an already made dinner with kids that are asleep and a hot bath is waiting. But, getting the exciting "Mommy! Mommy!" and kisses hello from my boys has me running for my train and getting off at the right stop each time. People who talk too loud to each other or on the phone need a dedicated car for themselves. If that's your thang then groovy for you, but be considerate to others around you. This is not your living room or local bar where you all are catching up over a pint.
Make-up people. Not sure what to say about you. Because sometimes I have to say it to myself too. This is not your bathroom. Wake up 5 minutes earlier and put your face on at home. I see you pull out your make-up bag and it is quite the regime. Concealer. Powder. Eyebrows. Eye Shadow. Lip liner. Lipstick/gloss.
The GO Train parking lot is another area that needs a beating stick. Let a car in. Take turns. You were let in, now pay it forward. Karma people. Try not to run people over. It's a fracking parking lot. You shouldn't be speeding in there. You save yourself maybe 10 minutes?? Is it worth the extra stress and road rage? I bet your blood pressue doesn't think so, nor the people you cut off.
The newspaper mess is just unacceptable. It's great getting a free paper to read the headlines, shout outs, do the soduko, and read your horoscope. Now, just remember to bring it with you OFF the train you lazy mofos! There are recycling bins at every stop. Why should someone clean up your mess?! When I see someone reading their paper, particularly the star, although all papers are guilty, and throw section by section under their seat, then NOT pick it up after, really pisses me off. Why should I sit surrounded by your laziness?!
I wish I could sleep like some of you. Although, at the same time I am glad that I can't. I'd hate to be one of those mouth open, drooling, or snoring loudly type sleepers that is on the GO. I always have something to keep my mind off the 100's of things that usually repeat themselves that usually leave me stressed. Tons of choices - MP3 player to listen to some vibe. Either to get me pumped, relax, reflect on how life was during that time when the song was a hit, etc; Watch a movie/show on the small screen; DS with my R4 so I have tons of games to choose from. My brain age is 20 btw; A book/magazine; Free newspaper; Something. If I don't have anything, which sometimes happens because I'm bad at keeping things charged, it's a long ride. Although, I try to close my eyes and meditate. Definitely, not my strength.
But, as my silver lining is, at least I don't have to take a commuter train in Japan or India.
[polldaddy poll=4716210]
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Dialysis at Sea - Possible?!?
It's not just for retirees anymore. Cruises cater to just about anyone. Even those who require dialysis. Dialysis at Sea cruises offers dialysis on regular cruises. Their space is limited as they limit any sailing to a maximum of 12 patients per sailing. The cruise would be perfect to experience with him. And the dialysis is right on the ship so he wouldn't have to travel anywhere like we did when we went to Bahamas.
The Bahamas trip was the first time in ever that we did dialysis outside of our home/hospital. It was a bit pricier compared to some other all inclusive Caribbean vacation spots, but if we heard it had a good dialysis clinic that was clean from another dialysis patient. My family also made the sacrifice at the higher price so that Franklin could come. I was pregnant. All my immediate family went. Parents, brothers and their family crew. 16 of us in total. It was a dream vacation. My family was there to help me with my toddler. My favourite brother went with Franklin twice and my dad once to do the dialysis clinic. Franklin said no one had to come, but as my favourite brother said, if shit was to happen, you need someone there with you. They sacrificed hours out of their vacation so he wouldn't be by himself. Especially my favourite brother. He had S, J, and J with him, but he still went. Man, I love my favourite brother. Always there for us. Always willing to sacrifice without being asked. Never makes a big deal about it. We are so lucky to have him.
It's just in addition to typical vacation costs anyone would incur, we have to add dialysis costs. To the tune of ~$1800. Can we afford it. Not really. But this past few weeks was reality check I needed. Money will not keep me happy. The experience with my boys and the memories will. I keep my head in the sand and keep waiting, but I just don't know how things will be next year. I wished we did the big wedding and vacationed more during the four years he had the transplanted kidney from his generous brother. He offered the gift of life as soon as he found out Franklin needed one. We didn't even have to ask. How amazingly generous is he?!?
No one knows if they will be around next year. You could get hit by a truck! I try to Live Life as much as I can. And so should YOU!
Now to start planning and budgeting as much as we can. Europe, Caribbean, East? West?
[polldaddy poll=4707081]
The Bahamas trip was the first time in ever that we did dialysis outside of our home/hospital. It was a bit pricier compared to some other all inclusive Caribbean vacation spots, but if we heard it had a good dialysis clinic that was clean from another dialysis patient. My family also made the sacrifice at the higher price so that Franklin could come. I was pregnant. All my immediate family went. Parents, brothers and their family crew. 16 of us in total. It was a dream vacation. My family was there to help me with my toddler. My favourite brother went with Franklin twice and my dad once to do the dialysis clinic. Franklin said no one had to come, but as my favourite brother said, if shit was to happen, you need someone there with you. They sacrificed hours out of their vacation so he wouldn't be by himself. Especially my favourite brother. He had S, J, and J with him, but he still went. Man, I love my favourite brother. Always there for us. Always willing to sacrifice without being asked. Never makes a big deal about it. We are so lucky to have him.
It's just in addition to typical vacation costs anyone would incur, we have to add dialysis costs. To the tune of ~$1800. Can we afford it. Not really. But this past few weeks was reality check I needed. Money will not keep me happy. The experience with my boys and the memories will. I keep my head in the sand and keep waiting, but I just don't know how things will be next year. I wished we did the big wedding and vacationed more during the four years he had the transplanted kidney from his generous brother. He offered the gift of life as soon as he found out Franklin needed one. We didn't even have to ask. How amazingly generous is he?!?
No one knows if they will be around next year. You could get hit by a truck! I try to Live Life as much as I can. And so should YOU!
Now to start planning and budgeting as much as we can. Europe, Caribbean, East? West?
[polldaddy poll=4707081]
Friday, March 11, 2011
Not Again - Update
It seems as though Franklin made the right choice. Seems as though..
They immediately do an x-ray, draw blood for testing, do 2-hrs of dialysis using his fistula instead of his line. He has a bit of trouble breathing. His left lung has some noise. Possibility of pneumonia, infection of the dialysis line (which is really scary because it is connected directly to his heart). They give him antibiotics through his dialysis line. They say he should have come earlier. Hopefully, it's still early enough.
The doctor immediately stops use of his dialysis line. He must use his fistula to do dialysis. It is his worst nightmare. He was 'warming up' to the idea of sticking himself with needles to do his dialysis. He wanted to do it on his terms. He must get trained all over again using this method of connection. Drives. Early mornings. Instead of a gentle 8-hr dialysis session to remove the toxins, potassium, phosphates, and liquid, he has 4-hr sessions every other day. This is harsher on the body. The electrolyte levels, etc are all wacked out. In 1 week instead of getting 40-hrs, he will be getting 12-hrs. I'm sure there are more rough roads ahead. But, once we get back on track it WILL get better. It has to. Lord give him strength to get through it all. and me & the kids too!
Last night was pretty brutal. He's freezing with 3 comforters on him while sweating. Then he's too hot. In between he's throwing up (who knows what since he hasn't eaten much in days). He's moaning. He has a fever of 38.8-40 degrees Celsius all night. Between him and the kids I try not feel overwhelmed and just focus making sure to get everyone taken care of. I wrap him in blankets. Leave water by his bed. Feed and bath the boys. Rub Franklin's back. Throw away the garbage bag and replace with a fresh barf bag. Put baby 2 to sleep. Brush teeth and read books with baby 1. Get a refill of drinkage for The Husband. Put baby 2 back to sleep. New barf bag. I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.
You would think I would just collapse asleep when all my boys are finally sleeping and the house is quiet. I can't. I read my book (love to read before I go to bed). My eyes are tired, but I love the break my mind gets. I am living this woman's life as I read chapter after chapter. It's not exceptional, but I like the basis. A city mom who owns her own advertising business and rides a motorcycle, moves to the burbs to be closer to her ill mother and elderly father. She is the odd mom out amongst the cliquey full-time mommies who wear sweater sets. I once was the city mom. Not that I care so much about being accepted, but the idea of switching from city life to suburb life. Assessing what you want out of life. Putting your parents needs before your own.
The day starts at 5am. But I read what's happened in Japan. Reality check. We are alive. Pray for them.
Read the previous post Not Again to find out what this update is updating.
They immediately do an x-ray, draw blood for testing, do 2-hrs of dialysis using his fistula instead of his line. He has a bit of trouble breathing. His left lung has some noise. Possibility of pneumonia, infection of the dialysis line (which is really scary because it is connected directly to his heart). They give him antibiotics through his dialysis line. They say he should have come earlier. Hopefully, it's still early enough.
The doctor immediately stops use of his dialysis line. He must use his fistula to do dialysis. It is his worst nightmare. He was 'warming up' to the idea of sticking himself with needles to do his dialysis. He wanted to do it on his terms. He must get trained all over again using this method of connection. Drives. Early mornings. Instead of a gentle 8-hr dialysis session to remove the toxins, potassium, phosphates, and liquid, he has 4-hr sessions every other day. This is harsher on the body. The electrolyte levels, etc are all wacked out. In 1 week instead of getting 40-hrs, he will be getting 12-hrs. I'm sure there are more rough roads ahead. But, once we get back on track it WILL get better. It has to. Lord give him strength to get through it all. and me & the kids too!
Last night was pretty brutal. He's freezing with 3 comforters on him while sweating. Then he's too hot. In between he's throwing up (who knows what since he hasn't eaten much in days). He's moaning. He has a fever of 38.8-40 degrees Celsius all night. Between him and the kids I try not feel overwhelmed and just focus making sure to get everyone taken care of. I wrap him in blankets. Leave water by his bed. Feed and bath the boys. Rub Franklin's back. Throw away the garbage bag and replace with a fresh barf bag. Put baby 2 to sleep. Brush teeth and read books with baby 1. Get a refill of drinkage for The Husband. Put baby 2 back to sleep. New barf bag. I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.
You would think I would just collapse asleep when all my boys are finally sleeping and the house is quiet. I can't. I read my book (love to read before I go to bed). My eyes are tired, but I love the break my mind gets. I am living this woman's life as I read chapter after chapter. It's not exceptional, but I like the basis. A city mom who owns her own advertising business and rides a motorcycle, moves to the burbs to be closer to her ill mother and elderly father. She is the odd mom out amongst the cliquey full-time mommies who wear sweater sets. I once was the city mom. Not that I care so much about being accepted, but the idea of switching from city life to suburb life. Assessing what you want out of life. Putting your parents needs before your own.
The day starts at 5am. But I read what's happened in Japan. Reality check. We are alive. Pray for them.
Read the previous post Not Again to find out what this update is updating.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Not again
Here we go again. Sadly.
I thought it was because he was on the mend. But within 3 days things were just deteriorating. The first day we figured it was because he hadn't eaten i 5 days. But even after only 1/2 bowl of broth, he would be hurting.
Do we go. Don't we go. I wait for him to let me know. This morning he let me know. The ambulance will only take him to the closest one. And after 15-hr wait the last time, Franklin didn't want that as an option. He's in pain. Hasn't dialysized properly in days, and has fever. We call the Home Hemo clinic and speak to his amazing nurse Stella. Based on her assessment, it sounds like he has an infection. He should come down there.
My parents have taken my toddler out on their errands, so I should at least be thankful he doesn't have to see the ambulance people and all their equipment. Everyone else is at work or school. Franklin refuses the ambulance and we call a cab. $75 for calling the ambulance. $100 for the cab (one way). Who cares about the money, but it is on the back of my mind as we reach mid-month and bills are waiting. Mat-leave money is not the lottery. I'm thankful I even get anything and be able to breastfeed my baby to give him the best healthy start.
It's a limo taxi that comes. How rich. You take what comes out here in the sticks. I feel helpless again. In so many ways. I am exhausted with my 5am wake up as usual and should nap because I'm physically exhausted and I want to escape reality, if only for 20 minutes, but the mind won't STFU. So, I blog. And I pray.
I pray that he is safe. He will get better. That the Lord will work through the doctors/nurses hands to ensure his life. An infection to a healthy person is a few days sick. I don't want to think what this may result in. It can only be positive. He WILL come home. He WILL get better.
He needs to. I need him.
I thought it was because he was on the mend. But within 3 days things were just deteriorating. The first day we figured it was because he hadn't eaten i 5 days. But even after only 1/2 bowl of broth, he would be hurting.
Do we go. Don't we go. I wait for him to let me know. This morning he let me know. The ambulance will only take him to the closest one. And after 15-hr wait the last time, Franklin didn't want that as an option. He's in pain. Hasn't dialysized properly in days, and has fever. We call the Home Hemo clinic and speak to his amazing nurse Stella. Based on her assessment, it sounds like he has an infection. He should come down there.
My parents have taken my toddler out on their errands, so I should at least be thankful he doesn't have to see the ambulance people and all their equipment. Everyone else is at work or school. Franklin refuses the ambulance and we call a cab. $75 for calling the ambulance. $100 for the cab (one way). Who cares about the money, but it is on the back of my mind as we reach mid-month and bills are waiting. Mat-leave money is not the lottery. I'm thankful I even get anything and be able to breastfeed my baby to give him the best healthy start.
It's a limo taxi that comes. How rich. You take what comes out here in the sticks. I feel helpless again. In so many ways. I am exhausted with my 5am wake up as usual and should nap because I'm physically exhausted and I want to escape reality, if only for 20 minutes, but the mind won't STFU. So, I blog. And I pray.
I pray that he is safe. He will get better. That the Lord will work through the doctors/nurses hands to ensure his life. An infection to a healthy person is a few days sick. I don't want to think what this may result in. It can only be positive. He WILL come home. He WILL get better.
He needs to. I need him.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Balancing - Final Act (He's Home)
After a crazy 5 days documented in my Balancing series, Franklin is back home.
I want to thank everyone for their support, kind words, and love. I appreciate you reading our journey and trying to understand someone of the ups and downs that is our lives.
He was finally discharged. Not 100%, but at least he's not on morphine and can recoup at home. Don't get me wrong. I love that he is home. It has been an empty shell at home in the house and in my heart. But, when I wake up at 5:30am with baby 2, then baby 1 wakes up at 7am, having Franklin wake me to rub his back at 1am is just frustrating. The first night, I guess I'm just so grateful he's home and I don't mind. But by the second night I'm telling him to go sit in the Shiatsu Massage chair.
It doesn't help that just before this episode he fell hard twice on the ice and banged up his elbow. He had to be assisted off the ice. We went to the hospital for x-rays. It was so swollen his elbow looked disfigured. Plus it was the arm that has his fistula, so I wanted to ensure that his life saving vein was still working and not ruptured or anything. Then it was 1.5 weeks of "my arm...moan....".
Before the elbow episode The Husband stepped off the porch, missed the step while carrying baby 2 in his bucket car seat, and landed on his ankle. As I was strapping in our toddler all I hear is "THUD! FUKC!!!". I turn around to see the car seat safely on the ground and Franklin walking around swearing. Baby 2 is crying. Franklin is swearing. Our toddler is yelling at Franklin "Language Daddy! Language Daddy!". I get into triage mind-set. Assess the situation. Tend to the most injured. Check on baby 2. Open door for Husband. Go get Toddler. Now, off to another trip to the hospital. Another couple of weeks he needed to recoup.
The laundry piles. The groceries dwindle. The house could be more tidy. But, those things will get done eventually. You don't want to stress over it, but it's the one thing you do have control over and it's not getting done. His pain I can't do anything about. So household b.s. sits on my shoulders because at least I can do something about it. Watching my man in pain leaves me feeling helpless and useless. Silly. Probably. But, I think we strive to control the things we can and roll with the punches with the things we can't. There's so much that I can't control in our lives, I guess I over compensate with the things I think I have control over.
My husband is resilient. When he is on a good day, he is so happy, filled with jokes, and a great guy. He still wants to go skating. He still faces each day. I love him.
Bad things happen in threes. So hopefully, we have had our share and are set for good times ahead.
Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
[polldaddy poll=4688007]
I want to thank everyone for their support, kind words, and love. I appreciate you reading our journey and trying to understand someone of the ups and downs that is our lives.
He was finally discharged. Not 100%, but at least he's not on morphine and can recoup at home. Don't get me wrong. I love that he is home. It has been an empty shell at home in the house and in my heart. But, when I wake up at 5:30am with baby 2, then baby 1 wakes up at 7am, having Franklin wake me to rub his back at 1am is just frustrating. The first night, I guess I'm just so grateful he's home and I don't mind. But by the second night I'm telling him to go sit in the Shiatsu Massage chair.
It doesn't help that just before this episode he fell hard twice on the ice and banged up his elbow. He had to be assisted off the ice. We went to the hospital for x-rays. It was so swollen his elbow looked disfigured. Plus it was the arm that has his fistula, so I wanted to ensure that his life saving vein was still working and not ruptured or anything. Then it was 1.5 weeks of "my arm...moan....".
Before the elbow episode The Husband stepped off the porch, missed the step while carrying baby 2 in his bucket car seat, and landed on his ankle. As I was strapping in our toddler all I hear is "THUD! FUKC!!!". I turn around to see the car seat safely on the ground and Franklin walking around swearing. Baby 2 is crying. Franklin is swearing. Our toddler is yelling at Franklin "Language Daddy! Language Daddy!". I get into triage mind-set. Assess the situation. Tend to the most injured. Check on baby 2. Open door for Husband. Go get Toddler. Now, off to another trip to the hospital. Another couple of weeks he needed to recoup.
The laundry piles. The groceries dwindle. The house could be more tidy. But, those things will get done eventually. You don't want to stress over it, but it's the one thing you do have control over and it's not getting done. His pain I can't do anything about. So household b.s. sits on my shoulders because at least I can do something about it. Watching my man in pain leaves me feeling helpless and useless. Silly. Probably. But, I think we strive to control the things we can and roll with the punches with the things we can't. There's so much that I can't control in our lives, I guess I over compensate with the things I think I have control over.
My husband is resilient. When he is on a good day, he is so happy, filled with jokes, and a great guy. He still wants to go skating. He still faces each day. I love him.
Bad things happen in threes. So hopefully, we have had our share and are set for good times ahead.
Serenity Prayer:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
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Homemade Play Dough (aka playdoh, plasticine)
The benefits of having your kids play with play dough is huge! They can play baker/scientist while you make it together, use their imagination, practice their dexterity, and create art, just to name a few.
Make it yourself and ensure it is nontoxic. You know they might eat some, have it all over their hands, etc
Ingredients:
3 1/2 cup white flour
1/2 cup salt
2 tablespoon cream of tartar (find it in the spice section)
1/3 cup oil
2 cups boiling water
food coloring or powder drink mix (i.e. kool aid)
Play dough will keep for a long time stored in a covered plastic container or plastic sandwich bag.
Note:
Art ideas:
Make it yourself and ensure it is nontoxic. You know they might eat some, have it all over their hands, etc
Ingredients:
3 1/2 cup white flour
1/2 cup salt
2 tablespoon cream of tartar (find it in the spice section)
1/3 cup oil
2 cups boiling water
food coloring or powder drink mix (i.e. kool aid)
- Mix flour, salt, and cream of tartar together in a big bowl
- Add oil
- Add food colouring or powder drink mix to boiling water and mix
- Add coloured water to flour mixture
- Knead dough
Play dough will keep for a long time stored in a covered plastic container or plastic sandwich bag.
Note:
- I like using powder drink mix because it gives it colour and a fruity smell
- Add additional smells by adding vanilla, lemon, etc oils (could try extract if you don't have oils)
- Try using rose water
- make several colours of play dough by omitting the colour to the water when following the recipe. Then separate the dough into several bowls and add food colouring drops to each bowl. And kneed dough to blend colour throughout
Art ideas:
- Roll out dough and use cookie cutters to cut out fun shapes. Add glitter like sprinkles on a cookie!
- Easy: Leave out your sculptures/cookie cutouts to dry and harden (can take a couple of days to weeks depending on size and thickness). Paint it. Glue stuff on, etc. It can crack, colour fades, etc
- If you have a special ornament/sculpture/etc preserve it with these steps
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