I had a great conversation with one of my Darlings. She reads my blog and had some very insightful suggestions after reading my post about Private or Public instruction. I respect her opinion. Particularly about this since she has experienced both private and public schooling. She has grown up to be a beautiful woman. Beautiful both inside and out. Both my Darlings are. They are like my sisters/friends/daughters. I am lucky to be their aunt.
Sometimes you will have an "uh-huh" moment with different people. You just have to open your mind and keep your prejudices, assumptions, and misconceptions out. Young. Old. Rich. Poor. Professional. Skilled Tradesman. They may not have experienced everything you have, but in the same breath, I'm sure you could say that you have not experienced everything they have. Just because they are younger than you, their opinions and feelings count. Don't be so foolish to dismiss their response so quickly. And if they are older than you, there is a reason they say respect your elders. They have lived longer than you and have seen more years of life than you have. Don't dismiss their opinions as "they just don't get it". They get it. A lot more than you know.
I try to keep this in mind as a technical instructor working with adult learners. Young or Old, they are there to improve their skills. Sure some of them don't even know how to write a simple query, right-click, or create a macro, but they bring other skills to the table. Sometimes it's an attitude. Like "I've been doing this job longer than you've been alive little girl". Gotta love those gigs.
When my little boy started off his talk with "when I was a kid..." I laughed so loud. I thought you were a kid, darling? Right. Right. I mean, when I was a baby... Even kids that young can teach you something. The innocence and unabashed honesty will keep you on your toes. Don't dismiss them either.
Because no matter how old you are, you never stop learning (if you're smart).
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Private or Public?
The suburbs are different to say the least.
Both The Husband and I grew up downtown (shout out to the peeps of S.L.A.P. & Blake). We both went to Catholic & Public school. We turned out fairly decent IMHO.
I took Marcus to one of his activities since The Husband is still recuperating and learning to canonize to do his dialysis since his line became infected while doing dialysis there during his hospital stay. I chat with the other moms and find out there are a few within my area. Perhaps a play date with all the kids in the warmer months? We exchange email addresses and the such. We start talking about the other activities our little ones are taking and the topic of private vs. public swimming lessons is brought into the discussion at length.
Some of the ridiculousness I heard was "Well, I'm going to pull her from gymnastics because it's not like she's going to become a gymnast." Also from the same woman "I prefer to put her into private swimming lessons to help her reach that next level, you know". The other mom nods. She has also put her son into private swimming lessons and understands the lingo of the levels; Starfish, Salamander, etc. But, her son also has special needs, so I understand why it was paramount to have a low ratio for her son.
Maybe it's my downtown upbringing but, so what if she is not going to be a gymnast?? She's having FUN! The private swimming lessons sound pretty good at first with a 1:3 ratio and sometimes it ends up as a 1:1. But, with a price tag of $400 for TWO MONTHS, I don't think so. I wanted to ask "is she going to be an Olympic swimmer?". Too catty. But, really. I did have an earnest curiosity into her logic. Why pull her from the gymnastics, but feel it was worth the cost for private swimming lessons rather than through the recreation centre? Her kid is two btw :| If I was a judgmental person, by the way she dresses, talks, and her shoulders droop in, she was a bit of a loser when she was younger and immature people would use such language to label people in such manner. Now, she's trying to over compensate through her little girl. That would be my observation you asked me to make a judgment call, is all I'm saying.
The rec. centre's up here are definately very big and very new compared to what we grew up with. Am I being ghetto? Is this the way it is up here in the 'burbs? It is different. And at times a bit intimidating. Everyone wants to provide the best for their kids. Nobody wants them to be held back from their full potential. But, is giving them everything leading them to their full potential? I see young teenagers with smart phones, ipods, tablets, etc. I know they are not buying it on their own. As parents, are they setting them up to a self entitled attitude or giving them an advantage to the latest technologies? Not sure what choice I will make when my boys grow up.
Franklin and I talked about schools and such for our boys. Private school seems to be the 'thang' up here. Who doesn't go to Montessori? I just want them to grow up to appreciate life and the creative hard work it takes to get the things you want in. That includes the smart phone, ipods, tablets, car, etc. I can't stand the way some of the youngsters feel so entitled to have the latest expensive gadget. I understand part of the reason, if not the reason, is because everyone else has it. We are not poor. We can afford the trinkets. But, I also had a job by 14. Was working at Miracle Mart (anyone remember that grocery chain or am I dating myself?) as a cashier through high school. Worked through University. My parents gave me an allowance, but if I wanted more money I would get the standard "again? I just gave you money!". So, when I got a job I could spend it how I liked. Fortunately, they taught me to save and budget with my allowance, so I had a good foundation. Since I got paid each week, I was able to buy clothes each week. FUN! I remember Dad asking "You have so much clothes already. Ask yourself next time you buy something, do you need it or want it?" That has stuck with me even now.
[polldaddy poll=4772502]
Both The Husband and I grew up downtown (shout out to the peeps of S.L.A.P. & Blake). We both went to Catholic & Public school. We turned out fairly decent IMHO.
I took Marcus to one of his activities since The Husband is still recuperating and learning to canonize to do his dialysis since his line became infected while doing dialysis there during his hospital stay. I chat with the other moms and find out there are a few within my area. Perhaps a play date with all the kids in the warmer months? We exchange email addresses and the such. We start talking about the other activities our little ones are taking and the topic of private vs. public swimming lessons is brought into the discussion at length.
Some of the ridiculousness I heard was "Well, I'm going to pull her from gymnastics because it's not like she's going to become a gymnast." Also from the same woman "I prefer to put her into private swimming lessons to help her reach that next level, you know". The other mom nods. She has also put her son into private swimming lessons and understands the lingo of the levels; Starfish, Salamander, etc. But, her son also has special needs, so I understand why it was paramount to have a low ratio for her son.
Maybe it's my downtown upbringing but, so what if she is not going to be a gymnast?? She's having FUN! The private swimming lessons sound pretty good at first with a 1:3 ratio and sometimes it ends up as a 1:1. But, with a price tag of $400 for TWO MONTHS, I don't think so. I wanted to ask "is she going to be an Olympic swimmer?". Too catty. But, really. I did have an earnest curiosity into her logic. Why pull her from the gymnastics, but feel it was worth the cost for private swimming lessons rather than through the recreation centre? Her kid is two btw :| If I was a judgmental person, by the way she dresses, talks, and her shoulders droop in, she was a bit of a loser when she was younger and immature people would use such language to label people in such manner. Now, she's trying to over compensate through her little girl. That would be my observation you asked me to make a judgment call, is all I'm saying.
The rec. centre's up here are definately very big and very new compared to what we grew up with. Am I being ghetto? Is this the way it is up here in the 'burbs? It is different. And at times a bit intimidating. Everyone wants to provide the best for their kids. Nobody wants them to be held back from their full potential. But, is giving them everything leading them to their full potential? I see young teenagers with smart phones, ipods, tablets, etc. I know they are not buying it on their own. As parents, are they setting them up to a self entitled attitude or giving them an advantage to the latest technologies? Not sure what choice I will make when my boys grow up.
Franklin and I talked about schools and such for our boys. Private school seems to be the 'thang' up here. Who doesn't go to Montessori? I just want them to grow up to appreciate life and the creative hard work it takes to get the things you want in. That includes the smart phone, ipods, tablets, car, etc. I can't stand the way some of the youngsters feel so entitled to have the latest expensive gadget. I understand part of the reason, if not the reason, is because everyone else has it. We are not poor. We can afford the trinkets. But, I also had a job by 14. Was working at Miracle Mart (anyone remember that grocery chain or am I dating myself?) as a cashier through high school. Worked through University. My parents gave me an allowance, but if I wanted more money I would get the standard "again? I just gave you money!". So, when I got a job I could spend it how I liked. Fortunately, they taught me to save and budget with my allowance, so I had a good foundation. Since I got paid each week, I was able to buy clothes each week. FUN! I remember Dad asking "You have so much clothes already. Ask yourself next time you buy something, do you need it or want it?" That has stuck with me even now.
[polldaddy poll=4772502]
Monday, March 21, 2011
Rumours
Rumours are sometimes like a game of Broken Telephone. Remember that game. The first player whispers something to the next player. Each player successively whispers what that player believes he or she heard to the next. The last player announces the statement to the entire group.
I was chatting with an acquaintance to which I thought was just a casual conversation, but when she was a bit too eager to hear the 'juicy details', my b!t3h radar went BEEP BEEP BEEP! You don't know me like that. Trying to lean in close, speak barely above a whisper, and ask personal questions about a mutual friend. If you are so interested in knowing, ask her yourself! I tried to push her off politely and say "that's not really any of my business so I don't know". The 'My Business" is YOU dumba$$! Take a hint. Jeeze.
But, isn't that how rumours get started. They start off innocently enough through chatting. Next thing you know, you are a two faced jerk who said so-and-so was doing this-and-that while wearing the ugliest everything. If you really want to know what the dealio is, ASK THE PERSON! And don't twist my words to pass the time with your idle gossip to the local hood rat. And if someone is trying to drag you into the mud with them, ask yourself why are they asking/telling me this? What do they have to gain? Are they just starting drama? Misery loves company, and they are always looking for people to join them.
If you are the one being talked about, my suggestion is to act like that Simpsons episode where all the advertisements come to life. "Just don't look. Just don't look." lol Do your THANG. Live your life. Dance like nobody's looking. Haters are gonna hate. You can't let them ruin your happiness.
As we become older, you would think this wouldn't effect us. Not like when you are are teenager in high school. But, ever sit around at lunch with some people at work and the only conversation they bring to the table is the b.s. about other people? Or when you are on the GO Train/TTC and you stupidly forgot your ipod/mp3 player and your ears are assaulted with the gossipy clucks of a bunch of chicken heads? Even church folk talk people's business.
I used to be friendly with a bunch a fun girls back in the day. We had a falling out, but c'est la vie. One thing I do remember is we don't talk sh!t about each other to each other. If you have beef with someone in the group, then either keep it to yourself or go squash it with them. Of course it's easier said then done. A friend talked garbage about me. Another friend told me. I was suspect about everything she said and did after that. Without trust, no type of relationship will survive. Ours didn't.
I guess mom was right. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. I do caveate all my gossip with "I'm just sayin' " LOL
Rumours by Timex Social Club:
Look at all these rumors-running me everyday-
I just need some time-some time to get away from-
from all these rumors I can't take it no more-my best friend say did you
hear the one about me and the girl next door?-
(verse)
How do rumors get started?-they're started by the jealous people and- they
get mad about somthin' they had, now somebody else is holdin'- They tell
me that temptation is very hard to resist- these wicked women , oohh they
just persist- maybe you think it's cute , but girl I'm not impressed-I tell
you one time only with my business please don't mess--
(chorus)
Did you hear the one about susan?-some say she's much too loose- that
came straight from a guy who claims he's drinkin' her juice- Did you hear the
one about Michael? - Some say he must be gay- I tried to argue but they said
if he were straight he would'nt move that way- Did you hear the one about
Tina? - some say she's just a tease- in a camisole she's six feet tall
she'll knock you to you knees..
(chorus)
I can't go no place without somebody pointin' a finger- I can't show my
face cuz when it comes to rumors I'm a dead ringer- I'll think I'll
write my congressman and tell him to pass a bill- the next time they catch
somebody started rumors-shoot to kill!--
(chorus)
I was chatting with an acquaintance to which I thought was just a casual conversation, but when she was a bit too eager to hear the 'juicy details', my b!t3h radar went BEEP BEEP BEEP! You don't know me like that. Trying to lean in close, speak barely above a whisper, and ask personal questions about a mutual friend. If you are so interested in knowing, ask her yourself! I tried to push her off politely and say "that's not really any of my business so I don't know". The 'My Business" is YOU dumba$$! Take a hint. Jeeze.
But, isn't that how rumours get started. They start off innocently enough through chatting. Next thing you know, you are a two faced jerk who said so-and-so was doing this-and-that while wearing the ugliest everything. If you really want to know what the dealio is, ASK THE PERSON! And don't twist my words to pass the time with your idle gossip to the local hood rat. And if someone is trying to drag you into the mud with them, ask yourself why are they asking/telling me this? What do they have to gain? Are they just starting drama? Misery loves company, and they are always looking for people to join them.
If you are the one being talked about, my suggestion is to act like that Simpsons episode where all the advertisements come to life. "Just don't look. Just don't look." lol Do your THANG. Live your life. Dance like nobody's looking. Haters are gonna hate. You can't let them ruin your happiness.
As we become older, you would think this wouldn't effect us. Not like when you are are teenager in high school. But, ever sit around at lunch with some people at work and the only conversation they bring to the table is the b.s. about other people? Or when you are on the GO Train/TTC and you stupidly forgot your ipod/mp3 player and your ears are assaulted with the gossipy clucks of a bunch of chicken heads? Even church folk talk people's business.
I used to be friendly with a bunch a fun girls back in the day. We had a falling out, but c'est la vie. One thing I do remember is we don't talk sh!t about each other to each other. If you have beef with someone in the group, then either keep it to yourself or go squash it with them. Of course it's easier said then done. A friend talked garbage about me. Another friend told me. I was suspect about everything she said and did after that. Without trust, no type of relationship will survive. Ours didn't.
I guess mom was right. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all. I do caveate all my gossip with "I'm just sayin' " LOL
Rumours by Timex Social Club:
Look at all these rumors-running me everyday-
I just need some time-some time to get away from-
from all these rumors I can't take it no more-my best friend say did you
hear the one about me and the girl next door?-
(verse)
How do rumors get started?-they're started by the jealous people and- they
get mad about somthin' they had, now somebody else is holdin'- They tell
me that temptation is very hard to resist- these wicked women , oohh they
just persist- maybe you think it's cute , but girl I'm not impressed-I tell
you one time only with my business please don't mess--
(chorus)
Did you hear the one about susan?-some say she's much too loose- that
came straight from a guy who claims he's drinkin' her juice- Did you hear the
one about Michael? - Some say he must be gay- I tried to argue but they said
if he were straight he would'nt move that way- Did you hear the one about
Tina? - some say she's just a tease- in a camisole she's six feet tall
she'll knock you to you knees..
(chorus)
I can't go no place without somebody pointin' a finger- I can't show my
face cuz when it comes to rumors I'm a dead ringer- I'll think I'll
write my congressman and tell him to pass a bill- the next time they catch
somebody started rumors-shoot to kill!--
(chorus)
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Epidural
I recently read about a woman whom after three months of giving birth she still cannot walk on her own will. After 34-hrs of labour, they finally performed a C-section. After some investigation, it was uncovered that she had a 'rough' C-section and a lot of nerves in her legs were damaged in the process. A nightmare that is to last at least 1 year, so the hospital says.
I was lucky that I did not have to go through that. Hopefully, not too many people will experience that at the hands of this butcher of a doctor who performed the procedure.
I did opt for an epidural when I had my kids. At first, I had lofty dreams of a natural birth. Although, I did put in my birthing plan for them to give me the option of an epidural before it was too late to administer it. Just in case. I've heard 'horror' stories from other woman in my life that said it was too late to get it. I am fairly tough. I am not a crier. And I have to be hurt pretty bad to shed a tear. But, the pain during the labour was just too much. The first 15-hrs I didn't have anything. But, after that, I was exhausted and couldn't bear the pain any longer. Please give it to me Dr. Feelgood. The nurse was like "who is this?". I was like a completely different person. After awhile though, I was feeling nauseous. I remember giving birth and then puking to the side right after. While holding my son, I turned my head to puke. The fact that The Husband missed the birth and all the drama that went along with it didn't help. An interesting story. Interested in hearing it?
The second time around, I asked for it as soon as I was at the front desk of the birthing centre. Then again when I walked into the room. I didn't want to endure 27-hrs like last time. They finally called in Dr. Feelgood and I was hoping to get relief. Well, he tapped in and I was still feeling pain. They said it will take a few minutes, but I was still holding the bed railings and shaking in pain. They called him back and he put some more. I was still in pain, felt a rush of cold through my back and felt high. He said he had to pull it out and try to reinsert the needle. Looking back, I should have feared being paralyzed. He pulled it and re-tapped my back. The recovery was longer than the last time. Coincidence? I think not.
If that wasn't bad enough, they forgot to collect the cord blood for my second son. While the baby was being weighed and it looked like the Dr. was starting to 'clean up', I asked about the cord blood collection. He was all dear in the headlights and had no clue. I couldn't f'ing believe it. The fracking nurse left he kit off to the side. They fumbled through the kit and tried to collect something. anything. I tried not to cry. Just focus on the fact that I have a healthy baby. I am alive.
Not everyone collects the cord blood, but we made a decision to invest in a cure. I hope we never need it. It's like insurance. You pay and pay and pay. And hope you never have to use it. Plus with cloning, genetic manipulation, and the like, maybe it may save my husband's life. A far stretch, but when you are staring in the face of a death sentence you look for a light of hope almost anywhere. If they can clone a sheep or grow an ear on the back of a rat, it doesn't seem as far of a stretch as previously thought. We still need a kidney from a live donor.
[polldaddy poll=4750552]
I was lucky that I did not have to go through that. Hopefully, not too many people will experience that at the hands of this butcher of a doctor who performed the procedure.
I did opt for an epidural when I had my kids. At first, I had lofty dreams of a natural birth. Although, I did put in my birthing plan for them to give me the option of an epidural before it was too late to administer it. Just in case. I've heard 'horror' stories from other woman in my life that said it was too late to get it. I am fairly tough. I am not a crier. And I have to be hurt pretty bad to shed a tear. But, the pain during the labour was just too much. The first 15-hrs I didn't have anything. But, after that, I was exhausted and couldn't bear the pain any longer. Please give it to me Dr. Feelgood. The nurse was like "who is this?". I was like a completely different person. After awhile though, I was feeling nauseous. I remember giving birth and then puking to the side right after. While holding my son, I turned my head to puke. The fact that The Husband missed the birth and all the drama that went along with it didn't help. An interesting story. Interested in hearing it?
The second time around, I asked for it as soon as I was at the front desk of the birthing centre. Then again when I walked into the room. I didn't want to endure 27-hrs like last time. They finally called in Dr. Feelgood and I was hoping to get relief. Well, he tapped in and I was still feeling pain. They said it will take a few minutes, but I was still holding the bed railings and shaking in pain. They called him back and he put some more. I was still in pain, felt a rush of cold through my back and felt high. He said he had to pull it out and try to reinsert the needle. Looking back, I should have feared being paralyzed. He pulled it and re-tapped my back. The recovery was longer than the last time. Coincidence? I think not.
If that wasn't bad enough, they forgot to collect the cord blood for my second son. While the baby was being weighed and it looked like the Dr. was starting to 'clean up', I asked about the cord blood collection. He was all dear in the headlights and had no clue. I couldn't f'ing believe it. The fracking nurse left he kit off to the side. They fumbled through the kit and tried to collect something. anything. I tried not to cry. Just focus on the fact that I have a healthy baby. I am alive.
Not everyone collects the cord blood, but we made a decision to invest in a cure. I hope we never need it. It's like insurance. You pay and pay and pay. And hope you never have to use it. Plus with cloning, genetic manipulation, and the like, maybe it may save my husband's life. A far stretch, but when you are staring in the face of a death sentence you look for a light of hope almost anywhere. If they can clone a sheep or grow an ear on the back of a rat, it doesn't seem as far of a stretch as previously thought. We still need a kidney from a live donor.
[polldaddy poll=4750552]
Friday, March 18, 2011
Three Kids - Truth Speak
Do I say this "out loud"?
If you read my Three Kids post last night, I talked about my insanity of wanting to have a third child. Even when things don't make logical sense, making decisions is not always made with the brain. The heart wants what it wants.
I want another child because I am selfish and afraid. I do not want to be alone in my golden years. I want to be surrounded by my husband and children. As I pull my head out of the sand in the wee hours of the night and reflect on the weeks of struggle my husband is going through, I fear what future lies ahead in our golden years. My biggest fear is that I am by myself in my 50's without my dear husband. And it maybe more real than I want to admit to myself. These complications the last few weeks breaths chills into my heart and flames my fears.
I wish for Franklin to live with me till our ripe old age, but if we poke the elephant that's in the room, it may not happen. And that is why deep down I want another child. It will be tough to have 3 kids under the age of 10, but all the hardships, tough days, and struggles will be worth having their hugs, smiles, and milestones experienced with my Husband.
I know if I tried to explain this to anyone in my family, they would 'shush' me and not to speak of such things.
I know I don't want to talk about it either.
[polldaddy poll=4750633]
If you read my Three Kids post last night, I talked about my insanity of wanting to have a third child. Even when things don't make logical sense, making decisions is not always made with the brain. The heart wants what it wants.
I want another child because I am selfish and afraid. I do not want to be alone in my golden years. I want to be surrounded by my husband and children. As I pull my head out of the sand in the wee hours of the night and reflect on the weeks of struggle my husband is going through, I fear what future lies ahead in our golden years. My biggest fear is that I am by myself in my 50's without my dear husband. And it maybe more real than I want to admit to myself. These complications the last few weeks breaths chills into my heart and flames my fears.
I wish for Franklin to live with me till our ripe old age, but if we poke the elephant that's in the room, it may not happen. And that is why deep down I want another child. It will be tough to have 3 kids under the age of 10, but all the hardships, tough days, and struggles will be worth having their hugs, smiles, and milestones experienced with my Husband.
I know if I tried to explain this to anyone in my family, they would 'shush' me and not to speak of such things.
I know I don't want to talk about it either.
[polldaddy poll=4750633]
Thursday, March 17, 2011
A Fragment of Exposed Vulnerability
There's a heaviness in my chest
that suffocates each gasp of contentment.
It weighs down my soul
and drowns my reality into darkness.
It is only for a sliver of infinity,
but the emptiness engulfs a lifetime.
Open your heart and feel my vulnerable state.
Do you see my self-doubt, fear and inadequacy?
Once you were a ray of happiness
that radiated into my dungeon of despair.
Where are you?
Where are we?
Sadly, I'm not a warrior every second of this eternity.
There are fragments of exposed vulnerability.
There's a heaviness in my chest
that suffocates each gasp of contentment.
It weighs down my soul
and drowns my reality into darkness.
It is only for a sliver of infinity,
but the emptiness engulfs a lifetime.
Open your heart and feel my vulnerable state.
Do you see my self-doubt, fear and inadequacy?
Once you were a ray of happiness
that radiated into my dungeon of despair.
Where are you?
Where are we?
Sadly, I'm not a warrior every second of this eternity.
There are fragments of exposed vulnerability.
Three kids?!
I must be a total nutcase. A glutton for punishment. I would love to have a third child.
Life with a toddler and baby is challenging. The sleep deprivation. Food differences. Laundry (mainly because of the amount of baby barf). Trying to pack everyone up to go out takes at around an hour. Feeding. Diapers. Bucket car seat. Diaper bag. Snacks. Cell phone. I'm sure it could be done faster. I just haven't mastered it yet I guess. Any parents with kids would agree it can be tough at times. Very much worth it when they say "thank you mommy". or when they come out of no where and hug you and tell you they love you. My heart melts each time I see him smile, when he gives me a high-five when he's proud of something he's done. A house full of laughter and even sibling bickering (I'm sure I'll eat my words to that for sure) sounds like an awesome future.
I've always wanted three kids. If I had to do this baby chapter in my life all over again, I wish I started a few years earlier. I knew it was a lifetime commitment of sacrifice for their success and happiness. No more ridiculous spending. Those are all earmarked for their future. I listed most of it in my Luxury, decadence, or just nasty? post. I wasn't ready. I still wanted to party. Spend money frivolously. Head out to the Casino on a whim. We were living as DINKS and it was great. But, as most woman can agree, the metaphorical internal clock was starting to DING! DONG! really loudly.
We were nervous at first. When he started peritoneal dialysis years ago, the doctors said that dialysis could lead to infertility. We froze sperm when we heard that. Fortunately we didn't need it. First try...is all I'm saying. :) How so very blessed were we. So many other dialysis patients are not as fortunate. This fracking disease will steal your life, but also your future line too. I hate kidney failure.
But, I digress. I want a third child because I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys. They have each other to be friends with. I knew I always wanted at least two. Sadly, we will not be around forever. So, I wanted to ensure someone will be around that will HAVE TO love you. That is what family is all about. LOL I was able to reuse all of Boy 1's clothes on Boy 2.
Unfortunately, I did not start early enough. To have a third child I considered higher risk. That, and the glaring reality that Franklin would not be able to help as much as he would like. If I find it tough when he's sick and dealing with my two boys, it would only be madness if I was to have another. Yet, I still want to. No one is on board with this idea. Not my parents nor my husband. My parents are not getting any younger. They have been a main support system when I am at my darkest. They help pick Franklin up from the hospital, watch my toddler, cook food - when I just had Baby 2, when Franklin is in the hospital, when Franklin gets out and she makes special nutritious Chinese soups, and just to talk. My favourite brother also thinks it's an asinine idea. I have my plate full as it is.
My mom was done having kids by the age I just started. I also want to retire by 55, no later than 60, but really, now would be good too. I actually would love to have 4 kids, but would settle for 3. But, is my fate to have only 2 be my reality?
Sadly, I think so. But, I'll try to wear down Franklin and plant "Daddy's little girl" ideas. mwhahaha
[polldaddy poll=4738099]
Life with a toddler and baby is challenging. The sleep deprivation. Food differences. Laundry (mainly because of the amount of baby barf). Trying to pack everyone up to go out takes at around an hour. Feeding. Diapers. Bucket car seat. Diaper bag. Snacks. Cell phone. I'm sure it could be done faster. I just haven't mastered it yet I guess. Any parents with kids would agree it can be tough at times. Very much worth it when they say "thank you mommy". or when they come out of no where and hug you and tell you they love you. My heart melts each time I see him smile, when he gives me a high-five when he's proud of something he's done. A house full of laughter and even sibling bickering (I'm sure I'll eat my words to that for sure) sounds like an awesome future.
I've always wanted three kids. If I had to do this baby chapter in my life all over again, I wish I started a few years earlier. I knew it was a lifetime commitment of sacrifice for their success and happiness. No more ridiculous spending. Those are all earmarked for their future. I listed most of it in my Luxury, decadence, or just nasty? post. I wasn't ready. I still wanted to party. Spend money frivolously. Head out to the Casino on a whim. We were living as DINKS and it was great. But, as most woman can agree, the metaphorical internal clock was starting to DING! DONG! really loudly.
We were nervous at first. When he started peritoneal dialysis years ago, the doctors said that dialysis could lead to infertility. We froze sperm when we heard that. Fortunately we didn't need it. First try...is all I'm saying. :) How so very blessed were we. So many other dialysis patients are not as fortunate. This fracking disease will steal your life, but also your future line too. I hate kidney failure.
But, I digress. I want a third child because I would love to have a little girl. I love my boys. They have each other to be friends with. I knew I always wanted at least two. Sadly, we will not be around forever. So, I wanted to ensure someone will be around that will HAVE TO love you. That is what family is all about. LOL I was able to reuse all of Boy 1's clothes on Boy 2.
Unfortunately, I did not start early enough. To have a third child I considered higher risk. That, and the glaring reality that Franklin would not be able to help as much as he would like. If I find it tough when he's sick and dealing with my two boys, it would only be madness if I was to have another. Yet, I still want to. No one is on board with this idea. Not my parents nor my husband. My parents are not getting any younger. They have been a main support system when I am at my darkest. They help pick Franklin up from the hospital, watch my toddler, cook food - when I just had Baby 2, when Franklin is in the hospital, when Franklin gets out and she makes special nutritious Chinese soups, and just to talk. My favourite brother also thinks it's an asinine idea. I have my plate full as it is.
My mom was done having kids by the age I just started. I also want to retire by 55, no later than 60, but really, now would be good too. I actually would love to have 4 kids, but would settle for 3. But, is my fate to have only 2 be my reality?
Sadly, I think so. But, I'll try to wear down Franklin and plant "Daddy's little girl" ideas. mwhahaha
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