Haters are gonna Hate

One of my Darlings called me the other day to rant about her youth life.  It wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but is teenage life ever that?  Sadly, there are a few haters in her school that are giving her a hard time.  My MaMa Bear instinct kicked in and I wanted to go down there and kick all those biatches azzes!  Excuse the language.  When I need to throw down, the ignorant girl in me comes out.

I sit and listen. I can't get riled up and make the situation worse.  Adults are supposed to be calm and filled with reason right?  Where the heck is my manual on being an adult?!  I try being the "cool" aunt.  I listen.  I try to relate.  I did let a couple of swear words slip out.  Real mature.  I know. :P

I have the same advice for her as I do with anyone dealing with haters who try to bring them down.  FuKc them.  Don't bother with foolishness.  Surround yourself with only positive solid people.  Why waste your friendship, kindness, jokes, secrets, and positive energy on people who don't appreciate it, hate you for it or use you.  They never go away.  You'll have them at school.  At work.  At the gym.  At the club.  At the park.  At your kid's activities.  Your doing well in life and the Hater hates that.   Don't get sucked into their b.s.

With expulsion for bullying in high school these days, on paper it looks like it would not be tolerated.  Sadly, there are too many stories out there about cyber-bullying, groups being formed just to hate (which forms a mob mentality, which is never a good thing when used for negative assembly), swarmings, and guns.  Maybe it's just the parent in me, but I fear for them.   When she told me about this, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.  Do we go to  her principal?  Do I tell her parents?  Do we call the girl's  parents?  Do I go kick this b!4Tch'2 a$$?

It's a fine line sometimes.  Some people need to be put in their place.  Who do they think they are running their mouths like they know your business.  You keep turning the other cheek, but you're starting to get beat up with each insulting blow.   But, when you see people getting jumped over some 'look' of disrespect or being shot because you bumped someone without saying sorry, who knows what should be done.  They might be carrying a gun or are a bunch of cowards who fight 10 against 1.

How fights were handled were different in my brother's time in high school.  My days they started using the buzz words of 'swarmings'.  Now, with the several young people being shot dead this last summer it makes me fear the worst.  Has the suburbs made me 'soft' or 'smart'?

I've seen my share of people getting jumped, bad people, and the like in my younger days.  All I know is I don't business with them people no more.  I left the drama.  I cut off people who talk $hit behind my back, but friend me up to my face.  I'm married with children living in the suburbs.  I don't have time for that b.s.

No more drama.

note:  check out comedian Katt William's Pimp Chronicles Part I and II.  Love his bit about haters and taking care of your star player (YOU!).  His stuff is a bit raw for sensitive ears, but his message is real.

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First Foods

I love that I am able to stay home for the first year of my baby's life.  To be able to give him the best start in his health with breast milk, but to also be able to watch all the milestones so far:

• following me with his eyes


• being able to hold his head up


• grasping items in his little hands


• turning over


• finding his feet and eating them


• smiling & laughing

Another big one coming up is feeding him his first taste of food.  How exciting!

• peas


• carrots


• squash


• sweet potato


• zucchini


• rutabaga


• pears


• apples


• hard-boiled eggs


• bread

BRING ON THE MESS!

I made food for my first-born.  Well, eventually.  When the time came (anywhere between 4-6 months depending on the baby and their cues. Good head control, a growing appetite, and interest in what you're eating are all indications that your baby is ready to try solids.)  I wanted to make him food.  Well, I dilly and dallied, I didn't know what to start with, and poor baby still hadn't had any solid food.  So, I caved and bought a couple of jarred stuff.  So, many choices!  He ate.  He made a mess. We took pictures.  By the 3rd jar I wondered if the puree peas tasted as bad as it looked.  It did!

After tasting that disgusting flavour, there was no way I was going to feed my baby that processed garbage when I wouldn't eat it myself.  Don't get me wrong.  When I was in a pinch, it'll have to do.  But, making my own was so easy and rewarding.  I have a steamer with a built-in timer, so that made it super easy.  It also helps to reduce losing the vegetables/fruits nutrients compared to over boiling it.  Bust out the hand blender and voilà!  Home made delicious baby food.  No salt.  No preservatives.  Made in sterile equipment with clean hands using organic fruits and vegetables.

I even organized a baby food swap party at my place.  Moms brought a fruit/vegetable and ice cube trays or baby food freezer try (like an ice-cube try, but holds one ounce per hole and comes with a sealable lid).  You come with one, you leave with a variety of foods.  We got to learn from each other, laughed, and were able to spend time together.  I was so lucky to find 10 wonderful women back then.  All of our children were close in age.  All were down to earth.  Kind. Generous. Funny.  Friendly.  We met during a parenting group offered by the government facilitated by a registered nurse.  It was perfect for first time moms.  What to expect for sleeping, postpartum, teeth, food, etc  After the session ended, we still met up once a week at someone's house. Then slowly, one by one, we went back to work.   Sadly, money is a necessary evil (Post named the same thing to follow soon.  Exploring maternity leave and going back to work.  A decision for every woman.  Sometimes not really a decision as there is no other choice)

But, I digress.  Back to baby food.   To heat up an ounce of my frozen, nutritious, home-made love, I would heat it up in a hot water bath.  Put a bit of boiled water in a bowl.  Put a smaller bowl on top.  Put food into smaller bowl.  Within ~5-minutes the food has melted and a little warm.  No microwaves.  It will leave hot spots that might burn precious baby. One type of food every 4-7 days.  That way if baby has a bad reaction to a food than you'll know which one.  After I would start combing the flavours.  Squash and peas.  Carrots and potatoes.  The poos reflected that.  Is all I'm saying :P

Of course congee is on the menu.  Over cooked rice made into a porridge, flavoured with ground meat or fish.  i.e. beef, turkey, chicken, pork, salmon.  So good for baby.  Great when you are not feeling well, ie cold, stomach flu.  Or anytime for a meal.  Congee Wong.  Congee Queen.  Noodle houses.  Dim Sum.  Congee is everywhere!

I'll post a congee recipe if you would like.  Let me know.  Have any funny baby feeding stories?  Let me know.

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Monkey Mix

After watching that train wreck of a family, Jon & Kate Plus 8, in their early episodes where Kate is making Monkey Munch, I always wanted to try it.  The name alone sounded fun.  Well, I finally got around to Googleing it and found several hundred links.  Below is the original recipe.  I do urge you to read my notes because I have some awesome suggestions.

The result is a coating of peanut butter and chocolate deliciousness.  My pregnant neighbour ate a whole bowl!  It's tastes AWESOME!

Ingredients:

• 9 cups Chex cereal (any kind)


• 1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, melted (6oz.)


• 1/2 cup smooth peanut butter, melted


• 1/4 cup butter, melted


• 1 -2 teaspoon vanilla


• 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Directions:

1. Measure cereal in large bowl.


2. Set aside.


3. Microwave chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter for 1 minute on high.


4. Stir.


5. Cook for 30 seconds longer or until smooth.


6. Add vanilla.


7. Pour mixture over cereal, stirring until coated.


8. Pour mixture into large Ziploc bag and add powdered sugar.


9. Shake until well coated.


10. Spread on waxed paper to cool.


11. Store in Ziploc bags or large sealed bowl.

My notes:

• I used a bunch of different cereals, nuts, and pretzels to make up the 9-cups of Chex as in the original recipe:

1. 4-cups Quaker Corn Bran Squares since no Chex USA style up here. If you use Crispex like in my Snack Mix Recipe it will just break up and you're left with a bunch of crumbs


2. 2-cups Multi-Grain Cheerios


3. 2-cups pretzels (to get a sweet and salty flavour)


4. 2-cups Shreddies (trying to add fiber where I can)

• I used milk chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet because that's all I had on hand.  It still tasted awesome.


• Try using Nutella instead of peanut butter


• Instead of Chocolate Chips, try using Butterscotch chips, or even White Chocolate Chips


• I used parchment paper instead of wax because that's all I had on hand.


• Maybe some dried cranberries?


• 1-cup nuts (I like the crunch of nuts.  You can try peanuts, almonds, cashews, etc)


• Someone suggested not using butter, which I tried using less, but the mixture was too thick.  The butter makes it more liquidy and easier to spread over the cereal mixture


• If you don't have a big ziplock bag, use small ones (just more hassle though since you have to do batches).  Try using a paper bag with the seams at the bottom taped up.  Or just keep it in big bowls and toss to mix the powered sugar


• I tried using 1-cup of powdered sugar, but gradually added a bit more 1/4 cup at a time until all my chocolate was coated

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Discipline

Did you get the beats when you were little?  Or did you stand in the corner? When I say 'beats' I don't mean abuse.  Abuse is WRONG.  I don't mean closed hands, bleeding, or broken bones.  I mean discipline.  Don't get it twisted.  If you are hurting your children you need to stop immediately and get help.

How Franklin's parents raised him was definitely different than how I was raised.   Also, the dynamics were different.  I was the only girl and my brothers were 9+years older.

When I was young until my early teens it would be the beats.  Anybody else get hit with a Chinese feather duster?  At first I would get hit until I cried.  Then I would cry right away to try and lesson the blows.  ha!  What was just evil was when I had to go get it so she could hit me with it.  \I am not alone who received this type of beats.  They have a group on FB for this.  My mom was the disciplinarian.  Well, they both were, but my mom was the one who doled out the punishment since Dad worked outside of the house.  Then when I got older, I would like to categorize it as |Asian guilt.  The shame of not honouring your parents and being a good girl.  You know.  Why a B grade and not an A?  My parents were not mega strict.  I mean, the expectations were there, but after a certain age, they gave me the freedom to make choices.  Sometimes they were the right ones.  Sometimes not.  But, they gave me the guidance in my younger days.  And when I got older, I had to decide.

Now, as Marcus is testing his limits, I am in a position of disciplining him.  No feather duster here.  We do do the time outs.  Then get down to eye level and talk about why he was put in time out.  By the third time of telling him not to flick his brother, he might get a 'tap' on the hand.   It's funny in a 'oh no you didn't' kind of way when you tell him not to do something, then he'll try and do it when you are not looking.  But, of course as a parent you have a spidey sense and you watch him out of the corner of your eye as he looks to see if you are watching while he touches his brother one more time.

Sometimes he is stubborn.  He really feels like he is justified in doing ABC and doesn't understand why he can't.  He'll try and make deals.  "Mom, we'll just eat one more candy, then diaper, teeth, books, go to bed.  Deal?"  Well, good on you son.  You don't give up and you try and negotiate what you want.  You're not going to get it, but you try.  Good job.  Well, you can have it tomorrow.  Hopefully you'll forget about promised candy.  Yeah right  :P

We'll help guide him to make the right choices and steer him back on the path with the 'right' discipline.   He'll make mistakes.  I prefer to call them life lessons.  He'll push the boundaries, but we'll still set them to let him know what is 'acceptable'.  Then when he has a choice to make and we're not there to give him a time out, hopefully he'll make the right choice.

Do you have any childhood memories of being disciplined by your parents?  Please feel free to share a memory of you being disciplined or you disciplining your kids.

Check out Parent or Friend or Both post too

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On time

I tried.  I swear I tried hard.  Back in my youth I would show up when I was ready.  Sometimes (if not usually) about 2 hrs after I'm supposed to be there.  Even for my own birthday!  If I had to be somewhere at x o'clock, that's when I would start to get ready.  I would rush to shower, choose what to wear, do my hair and make-up, and then head out the door.  I'd speed along to get to where I was supposed to be.  If it was out of the downtown core, I'd for sure get lost.  I rushed through my prep time.  I'd speed along in my car.  But, I'd still be pretty late.  Now, if you tried to call and see where the heck am I, I'd tell you I'm almost there, but more likely than not, I haven't even left my house.  Sorry!  In my head I tried.  I rushed for goodness sake.

Well, Franklin and his Air Cadets career has left him to be a stickler about being on time.  With a baby and toddler I feel I have a legitimate reason for running at least 15 minutes behind.  Diaper and potty stops.  Top up the baby with MaMa's milk.  Pack a snack of Shreddies, Crispex, Gold's pretzel sticks, multi-grain crackers, or fruit.  Watered down apple juice in his water bottle.  A small assortment of toys, play dough, ds, ipod with Calliou videos, etc to keep him in his seat at the restaurant.  Boots. Coats.  Hat. Mitts.  Buckle baby into bucket car seat.  That's a minimum of 30-45 mins.  if I'm lucky.

If we arrive within 15 minutes of where ever we are supposed to be I think that's acceptable.  Usually we're less than that because of Franklin's military ways.  Hurry up!  It's x:xx!  It's x:xy!  Come ON!  We might get there 'on time', but who the hell needs that kind of stress?!?  Give me a break!  I'd rather be a few minutes late and not be totally stressed out than be on time and miserable.

I'm just about ready to tell The Husband to go ahead and we'll meet him there.  How nice it must be to go out and warm the car while I pack up everything.  Yes, I could forego the toys, snack, breast milk top up,  but it's just going to be harder later.  Marcus cannot sit in his seat at a restaurant for more than 45 minutes.  I slowly dole out the toys in 15-20 minute increments to bide our time.  If I don't pack a healthy snack, we just end up buying garbage from some where to tide him over while we are out.  It's hard enough for kids to eat healthy in this day and age.  So, when I have him in the car with no distractions and hungry, a healthy snack is ALWAYS eaten.  And a top up is easier than driving with a screaming baby or whipping out the boob in the car or restaurant.

Just this morning I had to be somewhere super early.  She said to be there for 7:30 am so we could get breakfast before we go.  I told myself 7:15am.  She called at 7:21am and I hadn't even left the house yet nor dropped off kid 1!  She said not to rush and just get there by 8am.  I pack up the car.  Pack in kid 1 and than kid 2 (can't wait for them to strap themselves in).  Drop off kid 1 and go meet my friend.  Was there by 7:58am!  Hell Yeah!!   She said 8am for next time would still be good to make it to our destination.  I was like "Dude!  I told myself 7:15am.  Let's keep it there".

Either I tell myself I have to be there at T-1 o'clock or do like back when I was younger and not married with children, set my clock ahead so I would be running late, but show up 'on time'.

Preparation is better than reaction.  In traveling with the kiddies and in life.  Well, as prepared as much as can be.  Sometimes $h!t happens and you have to adapt and go with the flow.

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Friend or Parent or Both?

So, my Darling asks her friend "how are things with your mom?".  The girl answers "Better.  She's more my friend than mom".   Her answer sparked an emotion in me.  Not sure if it's admiration or disapproval.  Some of her choices are every parents nightmare, but judge not lest ye be judged...something about throwing rocks when you live in a glass house...I get it.  It's just that it made me wonder what my relationship will be as my children grow older.

When I was little my parents were my world.  I was daddy's little girl and he took me everywhere.  I only recognized later that it was my mom's sacrifice to stay back and watch the store we owned that allowed my dad the freedom to take me places.

To me, my parents were parents.  I wasn't allowed to sleep over at anyone's house except for my cousins.  I'd get beat with the feather duster or whatever else was closer, pending the severity of my disobedience.  I'm not saying it was abuse.  I was not  bleeding nor unconscious.  As I grew into my teenage years there was no acceptance for coming home drunk or smoking.  They were not the 'cool' parents who would let me drink alcohol at home with my buddies.  I've heard the saying "I'd rather them get drunk at my home so I can see what's going on".   I'm still on the fence about that.  What's your take??

When I went through University I would still go home no matter what time it was.  I just wanted my own bed.  I think that was a direct result of not being allowed to sleep out when I was younger.  Only if I was really polluted would I sleep it off at some dorm or friend's place.  When I started to hit a rave/after-hours or two, then I started sleeping out.  But, at least by then I was older and a bit more mature.  I remember at one party, this girl was on all sorts of chemicals and she was ONLY fifteen.  I thought to myself, if she's all messed up like this at 15 how is she going to get her buzz on when she's 20?!?  Can you say future crack/coke head...

Back then I thought my parents were so lame.  So strict.  They didn't understand how hard it was to be a teenager.  But, now I see that they put all those restrictions because they love and care about my safety.  If they didn't care what time I came home I'd be like that 15-yr old flying high as a kite and out at 5:30am.

Teenagers are going to push the limits.  So, I'll be setting limits and rules.  They are going to cross them.  I accept that.  But, hopefully it's not too far over and I'm bailing them out of jail, nor having them get some girl pregnant nor move out at 16 nor selling drugs or their body.  I don't plan on being a total hardass and they rebel right out the door.  Hopefully, there will be a  patience, communication, and respect from both sides.

Now, as an adult, I seek their advice and opinion.  I value the life lessons they have to offer.  I can only hope that I raise my kids as wells as my parents have raised me.

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What type of relationship should a parent have with their child?  What was your like with your parents?

Care TOO Much

Have you ever been infatuated with someone who you've forgotten who you are?  All of a sudden the activities, thoughts, and people who filled your days have changed.  Now, it is all about Him/Her.

When you're a teenager or young adult it may happen very quickly.   One day you see your family every day and night.  Then BAM!  Your parents wonder if you live there anymore.  Maybe you lose yourself slowly.  You and your best friend would hang every other day.  Then slowly it's once a week.  Then you only see them every other weekend.   And POOF!  They wonder if you've been kidnapped by your boyfriend because they never see you anymore.  When they do see you, it's always "where have you been?".

He used to come call on you every weekend, ring you down every night, and text you in between.   Now, you're doing all the travelling, calling, emailing, and texting.  I get that you like him, but remember that every relationship is a bit of give and take.  If you're giving all the time, sometimes you need to hold back and get some.  It is a cat and mouse game.  Thank gawd I'm not dating anymore, but when you are young you're still figuring out what relationships are all about.  Is he worth your time and effort or is he just using you?

Young or old, even when things are not right, some still stay because they don't want to be alone.  Valentines is right around the corner.  Or maybe it's Christmas/New Year's and you don't want to be alone then either.  But, trust that you are not alone.  Be it God, your family, your friends, or even your pet, will give you a hug when you need it.  It's way better than sticking around and wasting months/years of your life and maybe even wasting a better guy that may come along, but you're too involved to see it.

Then suddenly you are not young anymore.  You're married with children and you care only about them.  Clubbing?  I can't even remember those days.  Even playing pool, dinner out, or movies with the ladies seem like distant memories.  I've put The Husband and Kidney Disease on top of my priorities for 10+years.  Then the kids trumped him and they've taken up the hierarchy.  Where does my sanity, sleep, and beauty time blend into this?  It hasn't.  I've bailed on so many that I don't bother to make plans or commit because I don't want to bail yet again and disappoint people (but, if I'm honest to myself, I'm the one who doesn't want to be disappointed). 

Now that Franklin's more stable with his dialysis, I have joined Zumba.  Not a big deal to many, but for me it was one of my first commitments to myself to make ME a priority.  Remember that YOU are number one.  Why do you think air lines instruct that should the plane go down that you should fight every instinct to take care of your Precious and put the oxygen mask on yourself.  If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else. 

So that I can have more patience with my kids, husband, and dealing with the bad days of Kidney Disease, I must not care too much to the point that I am not caring for myself. 

Remember that you must care about yourself, before you can really care about others.