My parents, Marcus' Godmother, my nieces, and my favourite brother (also, Marcus' Godfather) are my go-to people when I need help. They are there for us every time. I trust them completely with my children. I know they love them and us completely.
I feel so guilty asking for their help each time Franklin has a hospital stay. The last one was in October last year. So, it is fairly often. Often enough at least. Watching my kids for hours, day after day, or giving me drives, or picking Franklin up and driving him all the way home, visiting him in the hospital, including our family in their prayer groups, grocery shopping, feeding us, listening, and loving. The list is so much longer, but it hurts to say it all. Hurts, because I feel so ....guilty? I have to impose on them time and time again. And during the 10+years it's added up to a life time of payback I could never repay. I hate asking for help, but when Franklin's not feeling well I have to....again and again. I hate being a hindrance to their daily lives. I hate being an encumbrance each time I call for help.
I know they love us. They want to be there for us. They will help us if they can. No strings attached. They have NEVER said or done anything to make me question their unconditional help. But, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop they sigh when I call again for help. I can only do as much as I can on my own so I don't harass them more than necessary. Because our reality is that necessary will come again.
[polldaddy poll=4670029]
All of these emotions are stemming from the following saga, starting with Balance between Husband and Children.
You are not a burden, if we couldn't do it, or didn't want to do it, we wouldn't. We know how to say no. We are just as loud as you and we know how to speak up. You're not taking advantage of any of us. Even if you didn't ask, we'd still be there, and you're just gonna have to live with it.
ReplyDeleteLove ya :)
i know you have sacrificed many many times to help me. thank you so very much darling. i don't know how i would have been able to work when franklin was switching from peritoneal dialysis to hemo dialysis. you watching marcus 1 -yr ago every day for months saved us. you, styne, and W. are our lights when darkness envelops us. thank you from the bottom of my heart. XOXO
ReplyDeleteSo many times I want to help friends, but don't know what to do. I've been in positions where I desperately needed help and wouldn't ask. I don't know why as women we can't seem to reconcile these two things. People want to help. They just need you to tell them where you need the help. It isn't a weakness to ask for help. It is a strength to make sure everyone in your family, including you, are getting the help you need.
ReplyDelete