Don't call!

A drunken dial at 12:30am?!  Really??  Come on, dude.  It's one thing to be leaving a message on my cell phone, but it's just disrespectful to be ringing up my house when my babies are asleep with your dramatics.  You are not even family nor a friend.  You are an acquaintance who's trying to leap and bound into my inner circle when I barely know you.  If that's not wrong enough, you call another day at 8:10am.  When I get calls this late or this early I immediately worry it's some emergency from a loved one.  Why else will someone be calling at these ridiculous hours?  Then you do a drop-in in the middle of the afternoon pissed drunk.  I do not want my children around that.  Nor do I want to be around that.   Have a pint or three on a patio on a beautiful sunny day.  But, don't just drop by, slurring your words and staggering at 3pm on my doorstep Mr. Acquaintance.

Don't get me wrong.  In my youth and single days, the late calls would be fine.  Depending on the party, nobody heading out until after 12am anyway.  But, I'm married with children now.  Nobody pre-drinking, gettin' dressed to impress, and hangin' with their peoples before heading out, up in this crib.   How about I call you at 5:30am ish when my baby awakens and ring you down?

If my family needs me, I don't care what time it is.  Call me.  Nieces and cousins, this means YOU!  I'd rather you wake me up and call if you feel things are about to start to get out of hand.  Your ride home starts drinking?  Some dude starting to make you feel uncomfortable and aggressive?  You stuck in the middle of nowhere and have no way of getting home?  A bunch of cowards are gathering and you feel like you might get jumped?  CALL ME  or CALL 911!  There is no restriction of time when you are in need my dear loved ones.

Now for those who call 10 times a day, just leave a  message!  I might be taking a rare nap with the kids and can't come to the phone.  I don't need to hear it ring 3 times in an hour.  If it's an emergency then by all means.  Keep calling to wake me up.  But, when I wake up to answer, it's not an emergency.  I'm pissed!  Just because you are family doesn't mean you shouldn't have boundaries.  grrr..


I've had telemarketers call several days in a row to buy long distance.  I asked to  be taken off their calling list.  I listed my number for the do-not-call list.  I try to just be respectful and calmly, but firmly say I'm not interested.  But, by the 5th day in a row, I'm just going to hang up.  By the 7th-day I'm being rude.   By the 9-th day I'm yelling at you to stop F'ing calling!  Poor Telemarketer.  Your job sucks.  It's an automatic dialer that calls.  You get verbally abused and hated.  Hopefully, it spurns you on to get a better job or more education.

When is it too late to be calling?  I know you just want to chat, but didn't your mother teach you any respect?

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High Gas Prices will Only go Higher

My goodness!  Prices for gas is just utterly ridiculous.  It's bad enough that a vacation where I get on a plane is probably not going to happen this year, but even just driving is so expensive.  $75 to fill up my tank on my family mobile.  And that was at $1.34/L.   I feel for those who require premium.  Not really for those who drive an SUV, because those gas guzzlers were a bad choice in the first place!

There are a few reasons I live out in the sticks.  The big one was we were able to get more house for our mortgage.  But, having my family near by is even bigger now that I have my kids.  The bigger back yard, the young families in the area and newer amenities helped sway our decision from moving from downtown.  I still miss downtown life.  But, for now, this works for now.  You HAVE TO drive when you live up here.  There's some sort of transit system, but I don't know what it's like.   Just to go out for a drive can eat up a 1/4 tank of gas!

But, what really gets me riled up is why the heck is gas so expensive?!  And why is tax on gas so high, yet our roads are brutal!   The toll highway is a joke.  The government had a guaranteed money-maker, but let that go.  The government has ridiculous idea of taking down the Gardiner Expressway to beautify the lakeshore.  Where the hell is all that traffic going to go?!  Anyone get stuck in that ugly traffic mess during rush hour or when there's an event?  

Way to plan Government.  Urban planning for the sticks should include a comprehensible transit system.  Amenities within walking distance.  Reasonable gas prices.  You know the gas mongers are price-fixing and lining their pockets along with yours.  I now have less money to buy other things.  i.e. groceries, shoes, etc

My Mother's Day was spent like this...

The story that is the epitome of being a mom, my Mother’s Day was spent taking care of my family.  Everyone in the house is sick with fever and a raspy cough.  EVERYONE.  It has been a difficult week for all.  But, even though I am sick also, with fever, phlem in my chest, headache, interrupted sleep all week, and body exhaustion, I am the ‘healthiest’ to take care of my babies and husband.  I have had offers to come over and visit to help, but this is contagious, and I definitely do not want to pass this virus on to anyone else. So even though baby 2 woke up at 12am, 2am, 4:45am, 6am, and baby 1 woke up at 4am, and 6:30am, I have to try to not pass out and put on my nurse’s hat.  I take temperatures, write it down so I can remember I last gave them their meds and tempra/advil, see how their temperatures are trending, and try to remember so I stay on top of it.  Lord knows I won’t remember.

No breakfast in bed made by The Husband and my children.  No sleeping in.  No carefree day to enjoy the sunshine.  FML

But, then I get calls from my loved ones that also want to send some mother’s day love.  And that reminds me, that it’s not the breakfast in bed on one particular day.  It’s the “I love you mommy” out of the blue.  It’s the big smiles and hand claps when I look you in my baby’s eyes.  The hugs of love that feels better than any medicine.  The joy I feel when they are happy and feeling better.  I ‘WoW’ I still feel when my toddler can communicate like a little adult and express how he feels.  “I feel sick” never hurt so much.  The pride I feel when they hit another milestone or master a new skill.  Watching the joy in their face when they want to show you EVERYTHING!

Anyone can give birth.  If you stayed away from the alcohol, drugs, and all the other bad stuff that could harm your baby during pregnancy, then kudos to you for taking the first good step.  But this thing being a GOOD mom is a life long dance.  There are many steps to take, learn, and master.
To all the unselfish moms out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for a ponytail, long showers for quick ones, late nights for early mornings, and designer bags for diaper bags and wouldn’t change a thing.  I will make countless sacrifices without complaint (well, maybe a little).  I  don’t care what I gave up because I LOVE what I got in return…..Gift of a child, I LOVE being a GOOD MOM ♥

I will be the nurse, chef, launderer, diaper changer, cow that gives milk, kisser of boo boos, good cop, bad cop, cleaner, chauffeur, story teller, financial adviser, cleaner, teacher, confidant, and parent.

This mother’s day is not only to reflect on my life as a mom, but to cherish the undying love, patience, sacrifice, and concern my has for me all my life.  My mom has taught me how to be strong.  She shows her love through food.  And trust that she loves all her children and it shows. LOL  Even when she was going through Chemo and Radiation at the same time for cancer, she never complained.  It had to be done and she did it.  She is modest and never brags.  Even when she cooks THE BEST food and other people’s children tell their parents.  I’m still learning that.  I am so lucky to have her.  I hope I never disappoint her.

Now to go make some jello with fruit for the little guy’s belly.

Road Rage Triggers

I had to drive down a bit of ways to get to an appointment.  And maybe it’s because it’s the ‘burbs or I just don’t drive as much as I used to, but where in the world have all the good drivers gone?  I am surrounded by idiots!  Here are just a few things that always seem to happen when I’m in a rush:

1. stuck behind someone who is going below the speed limit in the LEFT lane
2. driving beside someone in the right lane that drives exactly beside you
3. someone does a quick right turn into my lane and doesn’t quickly speed up once in the lane
4. we can make the light if the driver would maintain his speed, but instead he slams the break on the yellow
5. pedestrians who walk against THEIR lights and end up waiting 3 light changes
6. pedestrians who stand on the road on the corner when I’m trying to make a right

After reaching another red light because of the slow driver in front of me, I had to fight the urge to get out of my car and go up to her vehicle to yell at her to get the hell outta the lane.  Then head over to the idiot in the right lane beside her to let me in so I can pass.  These two were holding up traffic for 6 lights!
When I saw the two speed limits in Montreal, I figured it would be worse driving.  But, they get out of the way!  So, I don’t think it’s a speed limit issue.  It’s a driving attitude/common courtesy issue.
There are somethings that I just ASSUME.

1. If you get passed on your right -hand side, you are going too slow.  GET OUT OF THE WAY!
2. Don’t stand too close to the corner when waiting to cross.  Cars making a right could clip you.  It’s just not safe.  DIDN’T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANYTHING?!
3. The left lane is for PASSING.  Don’t drive the speed limit in the left lane. GRRR!

I understand that people should get speeding tickets for going TOO FAST, but how about the idiots who are driving TOO SLOW?!  THEY cause accidents too!

Dialysis Market Research - $$

I participated in a research discussion for caretakers of dialysis patients recently and it was a bit emotionally taxing (in a good way).  Some of the questions asked had me revisiting emotions I keep locked away and buried so I can face our future.  I could have easily fluffed the answers, but that's just not me.  I was quite frank and candid about my life and how dialysis effects me and my family.

At first he asked questions that was already answered amongst the group.  How old are you again?  How many years?  I was starting to lose confidence in this being of any benefit.  But, he was able to summarize exactly how I feel sometimes.  I was talking about some everyday life scenarios and sometimes it's frustrating when he is exhausted after therapy.  He said 'it sounds like your are resentful, but also guilty'.  I wasn't offended.  Should I have been?  Because  I think I am.  I am resentful when he has slept in until 12:30pm and I've been up since 5:30am with both kids for 4 days in a row.  But, then I feel guilty for feeling resentful since dialysis is kicking his ass and he's doing the best he can.  I hope that my raw emotional answers help to make a better process for those about to start this journey.


I resent the disease.  Not him.  I am frustrated with the disease and the struggles it gives us each day.  Not him.  Although I b!t3h and complain ("vent") sometimes, and it sound like it's directed at The Husband, it truly never is about him.  It's the disease. 

Making a Vacation with No Money

I love having the opportunity to be with my son everyday for the first year of his life.  I'm able to do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.  Breastfeed on demand.  Make him fresh baby food.  Watch both my boys learn to interact and love each other.  But, the maternity leave budget really reduces our fun money.

We go out often, but a vacation where we go on a plane, to a 5-star somewhere, and eat well everyday is not on the books this year.  Welcome the idea of a Staycation.  We stay at home for our vacation.  Woohoo! (enter sarcasm here)  It doesn't have to be total crap.  With a smaller vacation budget we'll just do stuff in and around the city like a tourist.  Hello theme parks, water parks, Science Centre, Zoo, CN Tower, The Falls, beaches, picnics, etc  Perhaps Great Wolf Lodge can be worked in.  Although, from what I've heard from other parents, my kids may be too young to enjoy all the amenities.  Definitely a cottage is a must. 

It's not where you go on vacation (this is what I tell myself to keep the illusion alive), it's the state of mind.  I don't want to look at a clock to be at some scheduled activity.  I don't want to cook.  I want to go to places I don't normally go to.

One of my grandiose plans for this summer is to create a backyard oasis.  Hammock, garden, pool (not sure if just a kiddy one or a small above ground one), sandbox, bbq area, and a swinging chair so Franklin and I can watch the kids play while we swing together and chat.

Nom. Nom. Nom.  That's me eating an awesome steak cooked by the hubby and my money buying all my summer dreams.
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RUN! It's Suburbia

I  understand the need for an escape.  From all the responsibilities, bills, dialysis, children, housework, lack of sleep, etc.  Some want to escape from reality all the time.  Maybe that’s why people need an intervention.  Walking around in a haze all the time is not limited to being drunk or high.  Know any workoholics who are gone 50-70 hrs a week?  It might not seem enjoyable for some, but getting away from the dead-end marriage and whiny kids might be an escape for some.


I am looking for that path to flee the mundane life that has become my suburbia.  It’s not always where I feel so stuck, but with a maternity budget and two kids while living out in the sticks, life can feel dry as corn nuts at times.  It just feels so cliche to go for a day at the spa.  Been there.  Done that.  Not a big deal anymore.  Went to Zumba, belly dancing, etc.  Meh.  Going out for a decadent lunch always tastes good, but reeks havoc on my belly, butt and thighs.   I’m still breastfeeding, so a glass of wine (which I don’t drink anyway) is not an option.  Blogging was my ‘drug’ of choice for a bit, but even that has grown a bit boring.  Retail therapy is a great buzz, but doesn’t last long and just creates more headaches when the credit card bill comes in.

Now, I’m talking big picture.  But, even during the day a few minutes just to stop and smell the roses is required.  For you working stiffs, it’s a coffee/snack/smoke break.  Maybe it’s a walk around to your cubicle buddy for some  chit-chat about everything and nothing.  For me, it’s a bubble bath.  It’s very few and far between, but a good book, tunes, and a hot bubble bath sounds like a great escape for at least 30 minutes.
I live in suburbia.  Does that mean I have to have an affair? LOL  I already own the home, mini-van, husband and kids.  Perhaps a charitable organization could benefit from my idle hands.

I need to be inspired.  Motivated.  A spark from within that I can act upon.  I have several business ideas.  I think one of them needs to be revisited.  If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense/cents.  Let’s see how long that lasts.  I need a vacation and get away from this rut.

Back Yard Oasis - The Dream

I’m talking gardening people.  Thought it was something else since this one comes after my post about body hair care? HA!  Durrrty minds.

Anyway, I don’t have something that erotic to talk about.  Just plain ol’ gardening.  My Mom has a beautiful garden with tons of roses, flowers, apples, scotch bonnet peppers, etc.  The lovely roses I think are the best.  They smell so good and she has so many colours.

Since I’m on mat. leave during this summer I might as well try my green thumb.  Or more like my death thumb.  All my flowers and plants die.  I even had 4 fighter fish!  They are supposed to be easy to care for.  Yeah right.  I remember I wanted to help Franklin out since he always changed the water.  I wanted to surprise him and complete the chore.  While I’m changing the water I want only the best for my fish, so I pull out the britta from the fridge.  Clean water.  If it’s good enough for me to drink, it’s good enough for my beloved fighter.  Filler up.   As soon as I pour the fish back into his clean home, he instantly dies and is floating.  woops!  The second time around I wanted the fighter fish to have a buddy.  Now I know enough about fish that putting two together would not be a good idea.  So I bought a small gold fish to keep him company.  Don’t you know the bully started bumping him.  One morning the gold fish is kinda floating at the top, but I have to go out and figure I’ll tend to it when I get back.  Well, I’m gone  all weekend.  When I get back both fish are dead!  Did you know, as soon as a fish dies, it’s body gives off toxins effecting the water.  Bye bye fighter fish 2.  It was your own darn fault!

But, I digress.  Gardening.  Right.  Seems it should be easy.  Maybe a couple of flowers for the front of the house and a few herbs and veggies in the back.  Franklin would to build some sort of gardening area and he’s not the most handiest of men (sorry  babe.  but, you know it’s true).  And although the flowers that bloom only once are prettier, I’d rather go with the ones that bloom every year.  This is starting to sound overwhelming and expensive.    I think I just blogged myself out of the idea.  But would love to make some type of backyard oasis.  A  hammock near by (love those things!) A swinging chair.  Kiddies playing in the little pool or sandbox.  Husband bbqing.  I love summer.  Even more while I’m on mat. leave.

Not sure if it’s a man thing, but Franklin though loves his lawn.  Spends hours each week!  He loves to check the height of the grass by placing a golf ball on it.  lol  He is definitely a golf nut.  It’s nice to walk in without shoes and feel the grass between your toes.  It’s like a nice thick carpet.  (I’m still talking gardening dirty people) LOL

Do you do any gardening?  If yes, what do you grow?

Body Hair Maintenance

As the warm weather makes an appearance intermittently I bust out the flip-flops.  I hate wearing socks.  But, seeing my dry heals and crusty nails shames me to put on some socks and shoes again.  I  need a pedicure.  STAT!  But, that's just part of the 'spring cleaning' needed.  Legs and arm pits are going to be exposed.  Living in this winter wonderland I think we grow our leg hairs to keep warm.  Well, that's what I tell The Husband.  But, my break is almost over.   It's time to decide how to do some body hair maintenance.

For my eyebrows, I prefer threading.  I don't mind waxing.  But, had one bad experience, so 'once bitten.  twice shy'.   The woman didn't have a taunt hold of my eyebrow before pulling the wax off and ended up ripping my tender skin where my eyelid was.  OUCH!  For my legs and armpits, it's shaving.  And the other places I will not mention.  I want to be able to look you in the eye, is all I"m sayin'.

I'm not sure who has the lessor evil in body hair maintenance.  Men or Women?  Men who have facial hair will have to shave almost everyday.  Where as woman can get by with a few weeks in between, albeit more places.  One times many or many times one.  hmmm.  I'd be lying if I said I was on top of it.  My hair needs a trim.  My legs need a lawn mower.  My eyebrows definitely could use some shaping.   And you could probably braid my arm pits. LMAO!  TMI?!

Baby Milestones

This time around I wasn't as neurotic.  Been there.  Done that.  My attitude was "he hasn't turned over yet.  Whew.  Now, I can still put him down and go to the bathroom real fast without worrying".   LOL  But, thankfully he is hitting them as expected.  My baby is crawling!  Pulling himself up!  and sporting two bumps in his gums. 

It is bitter sweet to see my children grow into big little people.  Particularly, my youngest.  He may be my last of the little ones.  I will never experience this again, so it is even more treasured.   I don't know how to describe it but, this overwhelming feeling that swells your heart to the point of tears in your eyes and happiness on your lips.  

I wanted to do somethings differently this time around.  First kid it was a bit or trial and error, but this time I was going to master putting this baby to sleep on his own.  Ha!  Nope.  Oh I know the theory.  Recognize the cues.  i.e. rubbing eyes, yawn, sleepy eyes.  Put him in the bed sleepy, but not asleep.  That way he'll fall asleep on his own.  Nope!   Of course when I talk to some other moms who were more successful with the sleep routine, they had their little ones sleeping on their own and sleeping 6 hrs within the first month.  Ah well.  Third times the charm right?

There are tons of charts online.  This one shows charts from birth to age 3. 

So far we're on point for the first 6 months:

Child's Age	Mastered Skills (most kids can do)	Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)	Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
1 month	Lifts head when lying on tummy Responds to sound Stares at faces	Follows objects briefly with eyes Vocalizes: oohs and aahs Can see black-and-white patterns	Smiles, laughs Holds head at 45-degree angle
2 months	Vocalizes: gurgles and coos Follows objects across field of vision Notices his hands Holds head up for short periods	Smiles, laughs Holds head at 45-degree angle Makes smoother movements	Holds head steady Can bear weight on legs Lifts head and shoulders when lying on tummy (mini-pushup)
3 months	Recognizes your face and scent Holds head steady Visually tracks moving objects	Squeals, gurgles, coos Blows bubbles Recognizes your voice Does mini-pushup	Rolls over, from tummy to back Turns toward loud sounds Can bring hands together, bats at toys
4 months	Smiles, laughs Can bear weight on legs Coos when you talk to him	Can grasp a toy Rolls over, from tummy to back	Imitates sounds: "baba," "dada" Cuts first tooth May be ready for solid foods
5 months	Distinguishes between bold colors Plays with his hands and feet	Recognizes own name Turns toward new sounds Rolls over in both directions	Sits momentarily without support Mouths objects Separation anxiety may begin
6 months	Turns toward sounds and voices Imitates sounds Rolls over in both directions	Is ready for solid foods Sits without support Mouths objects Passes objects from hand tohand	Lunges forward or starts crawling Jabbers or combines syllables Drags objects toward himself

Easter - Who's family?

I have not instilled the mythical creature of The Easter Bunny into my sons life yet.  We do not wake up in the morning and hunt for eggs.  I did organize the first egg hunt at my parents house, but then dropped off the duties.  For me, it has a bit more of a religious tone to it than the commercialized glitz of chocolate bunnies.  We never did anything like hunting for rabbits or dying eggs when I was young (immigrant childhood again!).  So, to me, it's not that big of a deal.  But, fortunately, my brother and his wife were kind enough to buy mini eggs for all the kids and hid them during our Easter family get together this year.  The kids had so much  fun.

For those who have a significant other as part of their life, trying to see all families during any special occasion takes careful planning and organizing.   Even with all of that, it still might not work out.  Franklin and I are lucky that we are able to split up our holidays between our parents.   This year it worked out again.  Friday for us.  Saturday for one.  Sunday for the other.  We had to move things around.  And fortunately, everything worked out.  Originally, it would have been lunch at one, dinner at another on the same day.  But, that's no good for anyone.  You don't get to fully enjoy the day with one family.   We'd have to leave his parent's place early to head back uptown to my family's dinner.   We'd be too full from his mom's cooking to enjoy my mom's cooking. 

Now, if you have parents who are divorced it's just that much more difficult to enjoy everyone's company.  Mom's family side.  Dad's family side.  Partner's Mom's family side.  Partner's Dad's family side.  And if you should have kids, when do you squeeze in family time?! 

Then if you're still young and have no kids, when do you squeeze in the party time?  Recover from the debauchery time?

I was able to squeeze in some baking.  Mini blueberry Bundt cakes.  Banana muffin caps.  Banana chocolate chip mini loaves.  Snack mix.  Not traditional, but I wanted to use my new pans.  I think some mini-square Blondies are up next.  Or maybe peanut butter mini-squares with chocolate chips.  Fundgey something for sure.

On a brighter side.  MORE EASTER EATS continues!  Bun and Cheese!

Can Borrow Your ...

Whether it's a pen, book, clothes, money, car, shoes, purse, cd, ipod, DS, gaming system, toy, movie, pan, record, skates, toboggan, car seat, WHATEVER! If you want to borrow people's items, there are two golden rules:

1. return the item in the same condition you borrowed it, in a timely manner or agreed time frame
2. do not constantly borrow it.  if it's more than twice in a month, it's time
   

Follow these rules and family/friends/neighbours/co-workers will be more likely to lend it to you without the stinky attitude that can come with an item when they reluctantly lend it to you when they really don't want to.
My mom has quite a collection of cartoons since she helped raise all of the grandchildren.  Now, when we leave sometimes Marcus is watching one of the movies.  We are not waiting till it's over, so in typical toddler dramatics he cries.  I HAVE TO watch this movie.  I've been there.  But, I just don't cry outwardly.  My mom is kind enough to let us take it home to watch the rest.  This has happened several times.  So, on one of her visits to our place she asked about the movies.  Marcus didn't want to give them back!  oh baby! sigh.

Someone else was venting to me about a neighbour of his.  His buddy borrowed his snow blower so often, he felt comfortable to just go into the garage and help himself without asking anymore.  See rule 2, neighbour guy.  I'm guilty of this too.  We've borrowed our neighbours snow blower a few times last season.  I felt guilty each time.  They are so freaking expensive!  We are lucky to have great neighbours, and JD offered his garage code so we can just help ourselves whenever we need it.  Thank you very much, but, I'd rather not.  We will get one.  I don't want to be 'the neighbour' that borrows stuff and breaking rule 2.  I think that's why we're such good friends/neighbours.  We don't impose.  Or maybe that's my Asian upbringing.  IDK.  But, when the snow was ridiculous, we asked all the same.

Now, if you follow rule 1 and 2, people won't hesitate to lend it to you because they know they'll get it back.  It's when you have to think 'do I really want to give away aka lend' depending on the borrower, that will have everyone thinking twice. 

Don't ruin someone's generous and kind nature for the rest of us.

Grass is always greener

As we eat our fried egg sandwiches with cheese, Marcus wants to have a bite of mine.  Sure.  Have a bite of mine.  Eat yours.  Just eat up buddy.   Yours is so good mommy.  It's the same thing son.  Can I have yours mommy?  It's the same thing son.  Can we trade then mommy.  It's the same thing son. Please!  uh...OK!

Whether it is an egg sandwich, chips, etc, doesn't someone else's seem to taste better.   I usually get something different than whatever Franklin orders so we can 'share' or at least a couple of bites.  It's like having two meals in one!  It takes me forever to decide and I usually feel like I ordered the wrong one and everyone else's food looks better.  Sometimes there are just too many choices and it all looks good.

But, besides food, on some days it feels like everything else is better for the other person.  Be it job, spouse, lawn, car, house, etc  I guess that's how the saying "grass is always greener on the other side" came from.  That emotion that the other guys is always winning.  Well, if you could just love what you have now, you'll always be the winner.  I'm not saying to settle, but while you're striving to get the bigger house, nicer car, longer vacation, brand name purse, clothes, shoes, etc love what you have now until that day comes.

 

Someone will always be richer, skinnier, have a bigger house, smaller ankles, longer legs, smaller/bigger boobs, better job, etc.  But, for me, my husband, kids, family, friends, body, sex life, clothes, shoes, house, cars, teeth, breath, eyebrows, nails, hair, furniture, vacations, and life are perfect.  Too much, too little, non-existent.  I love it all.

Lighten your Life's Load

Whether it is a grudge, a negative emotion, a loved one, or even a ratty old sweater from your old boyfriend from high school, letting go is never easy.  But, letting all that emotion and/or junk (sometimes it's both) just stay in  your head and heart is like letting it all live rent free while mooching off of your kindness, generosity, and space, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

As I drive and somebody cuts me off and then slows down, I'm PISSED!  I ride them.  I zoom pass them and flip them the bird.  And even after all that is said and done, I'm still driving too aggressively.  Let it go!
Ever have a relationship/friendship that just sucked the life out of you?  Your friend borrowed your favourite whatever and never gave it back.  Then she confesses she actually lost/damaged it.  Let it go!  He's a great guy, just not a great boyfriend.  As much as you think you are perfect for each other, you fight more than you are happy together.  Let him go!

I had many sentimental items from passed loves.  Letters he'd leave in my locker, poems about his undying love, dried flowers from all the birthdays, anniversaries, valentines, and just-because days, dolls he won me from The Ex, clothes I've borrowed when it was cold, books that you thought I'd enjoy, etc  Combine that with my hoarderness and I have way too much stuff.   Time to Let it go!

Sometimes I'm too quick to let go.  I'm sure if I stuck by some people, I'd still have them in my life.  But, I have enough drama I certainly don't need any extra.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not a fair-weather friend.  I will do all that I can to help you, but I need you to also help yourself first.  I don't tolerate slackers very well.  There's time to slack.  I'm far from a workaholic these days.  I recognize what's a priority for right now.  Definitely different then in our youth when we lived in an apartment downtown with no kids.  Maybe some people I've let go too quickly without giving them a real chance to stay in my life.  But, why live with regrets.  I make the best decision based on the information I had at the time. 
I don't hold on to dead weight.  It just slows me down.

Thank You Stranger for ....

Every time I approach the doors at the mall the gesture usually remains unappreciated.  I am holding the door open for my toddler to walk through, but since you are right behind I guess I'm holding the door open for you also.  Now, trust me, I'm already a little annoyed that you are not holding the door open for  me as I am holding an infant in my arms, but at least just hold it for yourself while I go in.  But, to add insult to tired arms, you go right through and don't even say thank you.  How about those door jerks who walk right through your door as you are trying to get in?   Mother Tuckers!

While driving, the common 'thank you' is a wave of the hand to the other driver.  To acknowledge them in some way that they can see.  Now, if I let you into the lane be courteous and give me a wave.  I didn't have to let you in.  The left lane to get onto DVP North is always backed up.  You know this.  So, why do you think it's ok to drive up on the right lane, turn your blinker on to get into the lane, and hold up traffic?  I don't care that people are honking.  I'm not the one blocking traffic.  YOU ARE!  I've been waiting patiently all the way at the back for 4 lights already.  So SCREW YOU!  But, I let you in because my son is asking why the cars are honking.  And then you don't even give me the hand wave.  Mother Tucker!

If I hold the elevator so you can get in rather than waiting for the next one, a simple Thank You would be nice.  Considering I hear the rest of the people in the elevator give me stink-eye to the back of my head and give a collective sigh as I stick my hand out to hold the elevator doors from closing on your face.  But, you breeze in as if I'm the elevator jockey waiting to be of service to hold the elevator doors and press your floor number.  Mother Tucker!

Just the other day I let someone go ahead of me since I had a cart full of groceries and they had relatively little.  I appreciate you are not one of those ding dongs who do not know how to count and still try and sneak into the 15 items or fewer lines.  So, I let offer to let you go ahead of me.  I get "sure".  No thank you tagged on to the end.  Just "sure".  Mother Tucker!

People.  Pay it Forward.  Hold the door for someone.  Let someone in.  Say THANK YOU!  Do I dare say, pay for the coffee for the next person behind you?  Yah right...

SAY SOMETHING!

 

• zipper's down
• have something in your teeth
• have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe
• dress is tucked into your pantyhose and we can see everything
• boob leaked breast milk and you have a wet spot on your shirt
• toupee/wig is crooked
• shirt is buttoned wrong
• shirt is on backward
• tire is looking a bit flat
• gas cap/lid is not closed
• back light on your car is out

I get people do not get involved anymore when it comes to strangers, but come on.  How is it going to hurt you if you tell the person you just met at the get together/party/gathering that they have something stuck in their teeth?  I had a bit of spinach dip, chatted with my fellow dip eater at the buffet table and went to wash my hands.  I am pissed!  Why didn't that jerkstore say something!?  I will try and give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe it got stuck with the last bit that I ate and they didn't see it.  Yah.  Sure.  That's what I tell myself so I don't give cut-eye to the uppity biatch.

I assume it is common courtesy to mention something to someone, even complete strangers, when the above bulleted list above happens.   Just the other day at the parenting centre I take the kids to sometimes (really awesome.  sand table. water table. painting. tons of toys. snack. gym time. story and singing time.  check out Ontario Early Years centres for a great drop in place where your kids can play with others) I mentioned to this grandmother that her zipper was down.  She was embarrassed and gave a self-depreciating comment about being too fat.  I said, it happens to all of us.  GAK!  I hope she understood I meant that we all have had our zippers down in public once, not that we all have been fat at one time.  Although her frosty demeanor later in the afternoon could be explained now.  hmm....whatever!

Now, the tire looking a little flat, or the light being out on someone's car might be a little too far for some.  but, hey, that's a safety concern.  And if you are o the receiving end of the news, be thankful, or get it fixed so you won't have to hear about it.  

I get that we have to be polite.  But, I think we've taken the whole 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all' saying a bit too far. 

SAY SOMETHING!

Friendship Worth My Time

You meet tons of people.  Few cross over from friendly acquaintance to  being REAL friends.  You’ve got acquaintances, party friends you see every weekend, work peoples you do lunch with, neighbours you are friendly with, friends of friends,bar buddies,  etc.  But, what I mean are REAL friends that you can expose your biggest fear to, that you feel just as close today as you were months/years ago when you last saw/spoke to them,that you would trust your children with.


Like a fresh relationship, especially as an adult, you don’t know if this passing acquaintance will become a true friendship outside the environment you know them for.  and that’s ok.  Sometimes people are just nice to chat with during the hour workout or at your kid’s activity or at the party or at the dog park or at the bar.
I met a beautiful group of ladies when my first was growing from baby to toddler.  There was 10 in total.  Warm, kind, funny, successful, good looking group we were.  It was like a Benetton ad. (anyone remember those or am I dating myself again? lol) We’d meet once a week as we took turns hosting.  Then slowly we each went back to work.  With precious little time between work, kids, and life we saw each other less and less.

For those technically savvy, we have been able to keep up with the milestones and for the most part everyday life.  For a few, we still have playdates with snacks/lunch.  I’m sure with the combination of warm weather, maternity leave, and summer break we’ll see each other more.

I was lucky enough to see one of the ladies last night.  My heart actually ached a bit when we saw her and her husband.  I miss her and her family.  She is a beautiful person and her husband and Franklin share the machismo jokes.  Wish she lived closer.

We have another couple that we love hanging out with.  The husbands, us wives, and the children all get along.  It is so rare to find that.  It’s so uncanny how much our lives are similar.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, has been with her husband since high school, and is a generous, kind soul.

Have to include my ketchup girl.  So insightful and thoughtful.  I will always remember her asking me outside the YMCA if everything was all right.  I was caught off guard.  She didn't know that Franklin was having a bad time and I was wearing my everything-is-great mask.  How did she know?  I was touched.  Someone close to her in her family also had kidney problems and had gone through dialysis before so she actually knew some of the life I had to live.   I am thankful.

And I’d fail as a friend if I didn’t include my elementary school friend who runs deep in my heart.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, funny, understanding, cool, beautiful, righteous chick.

Be it a moms group, a chance meeting at a garage sale, or through friends, I am lucky to have have crossed paths with these people and so many more I could list (if I haven’t listed you, it’s not because you are any less a true friend. and as a true friend, you already know that).  Not everyone ‘gets’ me.  But, I think everyone can say that.  You either ‘click’ or you don’t.

I’ve been ‘friends’ with tons of people in this life time, but very few do I open my life to.   I wouldn’t make plans for years because so many things have been canceled due to Franklin’s health.  I’m sure they all understood, but I just couldn’t deal with it.  I didn’t want anyone’s pity.  Nor could I handle the mounting number of disappointments.  It’s just easier to call on the fly when we have a ‘good’ day.

Fortunately, Franklin’s slowly have many more better days (the past 2 months excluded) and I want to make plans again.  Plans to make the time for the special people worth the effort it takes to arrange it.  Special people who will still love us and understand if we have something come up….again.  Special people who are worth the 1.5 hr drive to spend the day with.  Special friends who are REAL friends.

Don’t let life’s hiccups and busy schedules make everyday pass by so quickly.   You just never know what will happen tomorrow.  Make the time and effort it takes to enjoy the people in your life today.  They are worth it.  And so are you.

“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”
– Charles Caleb Colton

Golf Widow Season

As the warm weather approaches, golfing is in the air.  Not for me.  Franklin ruined it for me.  The first time he takes me out, he takes me to one of the longest courses.  I would like to think he was trying to impress me with the beautiful course, but the cynic in me suspects he wanted to show off his golfing skills and in turn ruin my first impression of the game to which I thought it was so boring that I would never come again.  Oh I tried to go again.  He’d say “you were complaining before the 9th hole!”.  Well, you got what you wanted Frank.  I won’t go.  Years later he wants me to come.  “I’ll bring you to a shorter course”; “I’ll take you to the clubhouse for lunch”; “We can spend the day in the beautiful weather and get exercise”.
OooOOOoo..exercise outdoors to enjoy the weather.  He knows me too well.  After years of being scarred from that first outing, I may just give it another chance.  NOT!

He loves the game.  Even watches it as one of his top five shows on tv.  He gets out and gets exercise and he’s happy.  So we balance his love of golf with our need to enjoy the day as a family.  For many golf widows they might not be as understanding.  I am because it’s not just about golf.  It’s about a few hours out of the day where his mind is clear of all of life’s stresses.  End Stage Renal Failure. Dialysis. Blood Pressure.  Liquid intake.  Mortgage, property tax, Hydro, cable, internet, phone, water, cell phone, credit cards…bills.

I’d be lying if I said I was ALWAYS supportive about him going everyday.  But, after a couple of days of seeing how miserable he is I just kick him out the door with his clubs.  When he’s happy life is just better.  For him and the rest of the family.  Happy Husband.  Happy family.  It works both ways (as compared to my happy wife, happy life post.

Although the cost of a golf membership is not cheap, the benefits to his health mentally and physically are worth it.  (That’s what I tell myself when I look at our bank account)
Having him happy and with more muscle is a win-win for him and me.

GAME ON!

You are FIRED!

With social networking, particularly Facebook, it seems that employers can do a little detective work before investing in a potential employee.  But, should companies be allowed to fire employees for what they do outside of work time?  I still don’t understand how people do not have high security on their profile.  I guess they don’t mind anyone trolling through their wall, seeing their pictures, reading their likes and groups listed.   They don’t mind the stalkers, perverts, potential employers, head hunters, trollers, or weirdos going through their online identity.  I guess I just have too much to hide.  Although I do have a public blog, so who am I to judge?!

You never want to run into your boss while you are getting wasted at the local pub.  It’s almost as weird as seeing your teacher outside of the classroom setting.  But, when you see another side of them that you are normally not privy to, it can be quite the eye opener.

Now, I do not entirely agree with firing someone for what they do outside of work, but it does lend to what type of person they are.  If some dude is addicted to crack and he drives a school bus, I think I would support random drug testing and getting them fired.  How about the chiropractor who has an addiction to Oxycontin?  Are they really the modest, diligent, conservative individual when you see pictures of them in a ho-esque outfit with white powder on the outside rim of their nose and HUGE dilated pupils?  Maybe at work they ARE that person, but now that I know you can be that other person too, I’m not sure I can take your word of commitment seriously.  You are just masquerading as a hardworker, when really you are a Pepsi head that comes in late 3 times a week.

Maybe you can balance both the party and the work world.  Many people can.  Who doesn’t need a break after a long, hard week?  Why should you be punished for what you do on your own time when it doesn’t effect your work?  You’re a Project Manager/Web Designer/Instructor/Accountant/Tech Support/Analyst/etc.  No on is going to die if I go to a 3-day rave and go directly to work Monday.
It’s a slippery slope.  But, somethings are just so obvious.

But, if you’re killed someone due to Drinking and Driving, I don’t want you driving the subway.  If you’ve O.D. but were brought back, I don’t think you should work as a counselor at a rehab clinic.  If you leave your elderly mom in an uninsulated garage while you live in the house, your compassion and empathy are not meeting standards required to work as a director at an old age home.

But, once your honour/character comes into question, people will deal with you differently.  Even those who say they don’t judge people.  In the back of your mind you wonder if you can trust them after you read on thedirty.com that they blah, blah, blah.  Which probably isn’t true, but that’s how haters hate with their rumours.

Don’t be your own idiot that sabotages yourself.  Pictures of you toking, hitting the bong, snorting a line, etc is for you and your friends.  Make sure you lock down your profile.  Create groups with restricted access.  Un-tag yourself.  In this digital age, those embarrassing photos in your youth/now will come back to haunt you as they live on forever.

Mid-Point Weigh in: It's not looking good

Well we're in the long hall of things.  I haven't been able to go to my exercise classes for several weeks due to Franklin's health complications.  I could just use that as a scapegoat (which I TOTALLY AM), but if I was being honest, I could still exercise at home.  I have a couple of Richard Simmond DVDs.  Anyone feel to send me some exercise DVDs that they swear by send me a message via the CONTACT ME page on this blog.  My big butt needs all the help I can get! LOL

So, as I'm chatting with Franklin this morning (don't you love the morning chats before the kids wake up?) and it went something like this:

Me:  If I eat sensibly today I might have a chance to win the big weigh in today ($20)
Him: You should be eating sensibly every day
Me:  It's been a little hard lately (rolls eyes) I feel like giving up.

Him:  Don't give up.  You're doing REALLY good.
Me:  mmmhhmmm
Him:  Your brother's probably just lost water.  But, you've made a real difference.  Really.  You can tell the difference from when you first started.  You're smaller.  You look good (wiggles eyebrows)
Me:  Ok.  Shut up now.  Your compliments are bordering on insults.  So, Thank You and STFU now.
Us: (DWL)
(On queue, children wake up)

The ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza, burgers, double-double coffee, late night dinners, bowls of sugary cereal instead of my usual  Shreddies with blueberries and skim milk for breakfast, these past few weeks are not going to help matters.  I haven't gained (thank goodness), but I may have only lost 1/2-1 lb if I'm lucky.
We'll see soon enough.

Don't let others dictate your self-worth

No, I'm not talking 'self love' as Tweet sings it (listen to the song.  good beat).  I'm talking about loving yourself completely. O.k.  Tweet's saying that too.  LOL  I love how Wikipedia defines self-love.  "Self-love is the strong sense of respect for and confidence in oneself.  Self-love can be taught in childhood through honesty, acceptance and unconditional love."

But, seriously, don't let anyone's actions and inaction, or words dictate what your self-worth is valued at.  You work hard at being a good person.  You turn the other cheek to all the adversaries you face.  You make choices that although you don't want to make them, you know it is for the best.  I'm not here to say thank you for not stealing, sleeping with some loser guy who tells you he loves you or spends a little cash on you to make you think you are special, or staying in school and making your best effort.  Those are expected.  You ARE special.   At first glance, particularly when you are young, you feel very 'lucky' to have someone buy you things.  Nothing in life is free.  Sadly, a large percent of young male hormones are motivated by something.  Is all I'm saying....something.

I wish I could explain other people's actions.  Why they choose the things they do.  How it affects people.  Short term and long-term.  But, I can't.  I can't control what they do.  But, I can focus on the positives in my life to know what they do will not bring me down or make me question my value.  I have those who love me.  Who support me.  Who are proud of me.  Those are the ones I will focus on.  Those are the ones who will fill me heart.  If I let the self-doubt creep in, I will shatter and cry.  I just don't want to be there.  Ever again.

I won't lie and say there are not moments of vulnerability.  But, when those moments creep into you conscience, remember that you are never alone.  You are a good person.  You try your best.  Be proud of yourself.  No matter what mistakes (I prefer to call them a life lesson.  No one is perfect.  Mistakes have to happen to learn what works and what doesn't), you are still a fantastic, hardworking, funny, loving, honest, special, person.

Bad Breath

Please do not talk directly at me. 

Stinky breath.  Sometimes it's you.  Sometimes it's the other person.  How do you tell them without being offensive?  I know it's me when I see someone do the old finger-under-the-nose bit.  Really?  The finger you've had up your butt smells better than my breath?  I better try and inhale while I talk with my stank mouth.  haha

Sometimes you just know your breath is not at its freshest.  You've had some garlic, durian, onions or the old smoking and coffee combo.  But, if you haven't opened your mouth for a couple of hours because you're working hard at your desk, then your mouth bacteria has been building up.   You better hope the next person
that you talk to is on the phone!

When someone offers me gum I ALWAYS take it.  They might be just being nice and sharing, but it could be that my breath stinks and I need it.  You should take it too!  I'm just saying...

On t.v. they always show people waking up in the morning and 'getting busy'.  Is that real??  Morning breath is the most lethal of dragon breath.  The plaque.  The hours for the bacteria in your mouth to multiply.   Sometimes I will blow my bad morning breath to wake Franklin up.  Never funny to him.  Although I'm cracking up.  That's love.  Or it's been to gether too long.  Probably both. 

What's worse is when someone is a close talker that has bad breath.  You can feel their breath on your cheeks and the stink makes your eye water.  And to top it off, if they are an acquaintance or worse, at an job interview where you have to be pleasant, how do you fake it and still get the job?


If you are a good friend, I am not above calling you out straight up.  With an exaggerated "DAAAAAAAMN".    That is a real friend.  Someone who will tell you when you need help.  Not, nodding polity and excuse myself to throw-up behind your back. 

If you can't tell me to my face, please offer me gum. :)

Check Please!

I love going out to eat.  Sharing a good meal and good conversation is just a win win situation for the body and the mind.  Should a decadent dessert follow, my lips will not say no.  Now, when the bill comes, who pays what?  Your entree might have cost x.xx, but did you factor in tax AND tip?  Don't just round up on your subtotal.   

Now if we just take the bill and divide it up by the number of people at the table, that could work most of the time.  But, for those who prefer to have several drinks with their meal, y'all are making out like bandits!  I don't usually drink too much.  One or two very rarely.  And for those who get a full meal (alcoholic beverage, appetizer, entree, dessert, coffee), and your companion only has an entree, is splitting the bill in half fair?
Sometimes it's just easier to get separate bills.

Now, with family it's different.  We just divide between families.  Four families, than divide by four.  Regardless of the number of people in a family.  For that I think it all works out.  Nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, and grandparents.  It's family. 

This reminds me of that episode on Friends about splitting the bill.  So true.

Now, lets say you go to get take out.  Everyone seems to have dispersed while you wait except you.  Bathroom.  Buy alcohol next door.  Buy pantyhose at the Shoppers next door.  The food is ready and you pay the $100+ bill.  You figure everyone will chip in at some point.  But, as the night wears on no one has offered up any cash.  Do you say something?  Do you just catch them next time?  I hate that. 

Let's take it that same idea, but apply it to concert tickets (or something just as expensive).   Buying tickets for several people and then trying to collect from them all is just a hassle and expensive.  Don't make me have to chase you down.  Remind you several times.  And then 'forget' about it.  You are being a total dead beat douche bag.   Sound familiar?  Are you that person??  If someone other than you takes on the responsibility to put it on their credit card or pay for the total, you should pay them back asap.  What makes you so special that we have to pay for every interaction with you??  You wonder why no one volunteers to rent the car for the road trip?  Because of idiots.  Are we grown?  Are we adults?  Maybe I just know too many "ghetto" people.   When I ask for the money up front, it's because I've been burned too many times.  Thanks deadbeats.  You've ruined my generosity for most.

Victims of Rape are NEVER to Blame

Today, Toronto, Ontario, Canada held a ‘SlutWalk’, attracting 1500 participants that was sparked by an officer that told a York University law class on Jan. 24 that “women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”  There’s tons of quotes that were documented in the news, but one in part in particular that also outraged me was by Police Chief Bill Blair.  “I don’t think the officer meant any offense,”.
The cop who said it is dead wrong, but the fact that the police chief sweeps it under the rug that he didn’t mean any offense and that the officer is “inexperienced” and added that he uttered “something stupid and he’s apologized” just condones this type of outdated, ridiculous, outrages, condescending attitude.  He has put words to his assumptions about victims who have been raped.  And his boss who sets the tone for the organization gives it a ‘boys will be boys’ juvenile acceptance.

This is not a passing attitude lately.  Florida Republican State Representative Kathleen Passidomo said:
“There was an article about an 11-year-old girl who was gang raped in Texas by 18 young men because she was dressed like a 21-year-old prostitute. And her parents let her attend school like that. And I think it’s incumbent upon us to create some areas where students can be safe in school and show up in proper attire so what happened in Texas doesn’t happen to our students.” (quoted from the frisky.com)

I don’t care what the hell someone is wearing no one wants to be raped.  If it was their daughter, sister, aunt, mom, grandmother, or friend, would they still feel the same way?  The fact that they utter those words proves their true feelings, assumptions, and misconceptions about why woman are raped. These idiots are the ones who hold power after the horrific ordeal.  They are the ones who make the laws that the idiots have to follow.  This is a trickle effect that I thought was eradicated.

Currently in the trial of Christopher Hurd who brutally raped Loretta Lavalley pleaded guilty of murdering her, but not to first-degree murder (intent to kill).  This poor woman's rape was recorded for 18 minutes during her 911 call and her screams, pleading for her life, and even the police banging on the door are recorded.  His defense is that he was under the influence of drugs.  You spoke to police officer just minutes before you committed the heinous crime!  You were sober and coherent enough to explain yourself.  Someone please kill this guy.

Woman, as far as you think we have evolved in society, think again.    A 14-yr old girl was charged with adultery, not rape, and was lashed to death in Bangladesh. It was only 92 years ago, in 1918, when women had the same voting rights as men in federal elections.

I am quite passionate of my disdain for the attitudes and actions that condone rape.  I was ranting to a few fellows I know, and they tried to agree that the officer meant to warn the young university girls, and he was not a total a-hole.  Their comparison was someone should not pin $100 dollar bills to their body and walk down a ghetto area at 3am and think they won’t be robbed.   Really?!  OMG!

Let’s focus our energy on telling men to keep their penis in their pants, and when someone says NO, it means NO.  If the person is underage, yes still means no.  They are too young to consent.  It gave me the creeps when I was young and some “old” man would check me out.  It’s not a compliment you dirty mofo.  And if someone is so intoxicated, their yes, should mean no to you.  Their silence from being passed out is no.

Teach your sons.  School your brothers Do not sit silently when you hear your buddies joke.  Rape is not joke.

Over Scheduled

My schedule would consist of eating, sleeping, and playing over at my cousins house.  They were my best friends.  I wasn’t allowed to sleep over at people’s houses.  Thank goodness they just lived one street down from me.  But, I guess this is typical of an immigrants upbringing?  It was for me.

I don’t recall the obscene amount of homework in elementary school as they have today.  I see my niece have homework everyday and she’s only in grade 2!  We gradually got into ballet, jazz, gymnastics, piano lessons, and guitar lessons.  Not all

Allergic Reaction

Scary.  If it is only one word I could use to describe seeing my baby’s eyes start to swell, red blotches appear on his cheeks, neck, arms, behind his ears, around his lips and the irritable crying and scratching of his face.
It couldn’t be the banana.  He’s had it before.  Not his favourite compared to the sweet potato, but he didn’t have a reaction like this.  If I was to play Columbo (he was an old detective from a show back in the day), I would deduce that it was the Milupa rice cereal that I mixed in with the banana.  It was the first time that I’ve used it.  When I introduced rice cereal for the first time before, I used a different brand.  Gerber I think.  I can’t recall since it was my mom who did some grocery shopping for me for a couple of weeks while I had both kids and Franklin was going through his complications.
Considering Franklin had allergies when he was young (he grew out of all of them, but he did have to take allergy needles once a week for several years)  I have been following the general rule when introducing food to your baby.  Feeding him one food every 4-7 days to see if there is a reaction before introducing a new food.  Once all foods (except honey, peanuts, high nitrate vegetables, etc) are sampled, you can start combining foods.  Then the flavour bonanza really begins.

But, I digress.  We first called Emergency.  Then they directed us to telehealth (1-866-797-0000) to speak to a registered nurse to help us decipher if we should go to Emergency, doctor’s office, or stay put.  Since his breathing did not seem impaired and after several other questions, she recommended giving him Benedryl.  We decided to go to the doctor’s office.  Emergency would be several hours, his breathing did not seem impaired, his lips were not turning blue, and I wanted to at least have a medical professional see him.
As soon as he saw him, our doctor said ordered for us to have him tested for allergies right away and get him some benedryl.  Stop feeding him bananas, the new rice cereal, and avocado (he had some a little bit of blotches on his skin).  Seeing him in the daylight, he looked worse that I thought.  Both of his eyes were red and swollen.  But, at least he was not crying and was laughy baby again.  The doctor said to give him 7ml.  The benedryl bottle said 2.5ml/dose.  We gave him  5ml.  After a few hrs he was looking better.  His eyes were still a bit swollen, but he seemed to be on the mend.
I am not looking forward to him going through an allergy test when he is so young.  It is a necessary evil to scratch his tender skin.

Now, I’m a little freaked out to move onto the next food.  Hopefully, butternut squash is not a problem.
Gave him another dose (3ml) and it’s almost all cleared up.  Thank God.

This makes me re-think the ‘no nuts at school’ rules they have.  Is it fair?  How about if it’s one kid out of a school of 100?  I remember some of the teenage baby-mama’s I knew who would complain right left and centre.  They would argue that peanut butter was the only thing their kid would eat or it was the only thing that would be affordable for them since the baby-daddy didn’t pay up.  Why stop only allowing peanuts?  Should they ban other foods also?

I just know that I support it.  Peanuts are in many snacks or may be in a contact due to the way it is made in the factory.  It’s not worth the risk to our little kid’s life.  I pray Lucas doesn’t have that problem.  Carrying around an epi pen to save his life sounds very scary.  I feel for those kids and parents now.  You just never know what or when it may happen.

The Birth

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Well, last week at least.   I'm still sleep deprived.

well, here's the short version:

6 lbs 11 onces. born at 11:54pm.  epidural AND a top up! From first contraction to birth - 28 hrs

The long version:

I went in on Sunday to have them gel me to ripen the cervix at 4:30pm...then went home.
Labour pains started at 8pm
Water broke at 11pm
Labour pains was every 4 minutes and lasting 1 minute long by 12:30. went to hospital
Was only 1 cm. They cannot admit until 3cm. walked around hospital for 2 hrs. Now only 1.5 cm. Went home
Tried to sleep and breath through the pain every 4 minutes.
Called in 7:30 am to hospital to confirm to come in for 8am inducement.
8:30 am at hospital
10 am epidural
Franklin is tired as shit and didn't do any dialysis the night before. He tries to sleep in the room.
He goes to get food from the caf.
He goes home at 2pm to do an Exchange (manual dialysis) and comes back.
He looks even worse. I'm still labouring on. He goes home at 8pm to do another Exchange.
At 8pm I am now at 6cm and they say it can start moving quite quickly now. Franklin's not back!!


My brother Alex comes to visit. He asks if I have a back up. He saw franklin and he doesn't look well. he's at home puking. Yikes!
Call Wendy (my ex-sister-in-law). He can't get a hold of her. double yikes!
Call Sila (Alex's girlfriend in Mississauga). Ask her if she wants to come, but, if Franklin comes back, he's my first choice.
Wendy and Sila both come. Alex is relieved cause he didn't want to come in, but would if I was by myself.
I get top up of Epidural cause I can start to feel the contractions and I don't want to wait until it really hurts and it's too late to get a top up.
11pm - Dr. says we are finally at 8 cm. We can wait a bit for the Epidural to wear off a bit. Nope!! let's try NOW! Ask the doc, if i'm a few minutes past midnight, can we fudge the birth certificate...nope.
All I remember is Wendy saying it's 11:15...11:30...11:45! 11:45! Wendy and Sila each hold a leg...I push...
Baby is born 11:54pm.



Call franklin....we have a son...waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

I remember walking in that morning asking the nurse to knock me out and wake me when we're done. the contractions all night were painful. but, now I can't even remember any of that. I just know I can't stop looking at him and am filled with so much love.



i go home on thurs. franklin is holding the baby and fell down the stairs on saturday morning. jesus!! thank god the baby is ok. franklin is on the ground screaming. he can't breath. i call 911. i pray he hasn't broken his
back. thank goodness there's no internal bleeding or anything broken. he's just super sore and can barely move. greaaaaaaat.

anyways, time for a feeding! and another diaper change....agaaaaaaaain.

ttyl!

Your Wish is My Command

On one's birthday you can have anything you want. For some its birthday weekend, then it turns into birthday week, and I've even seen some people celebrate their birth month!  The ridiculous.  The selfish.  The outrages.  It's all yours for the taking.

My wishes used to be a getaway.  Montreal was a favourite.  The cottage was a good one too.  And of course the end of summer jam would top it off.  A nice dinner had to be in there.  And a great gift.  Jewelry preferably.  Oh how easy the husband had it back then.  The wish list these days are a bit different.

Now, for my son, unless he will physically get hurt, almost anything goes.  A sprinkled donut, pop rock candy, root beer float, time with his Godfather, 3 books to bed, stay up past his bedtime, on top of the Medieval Times, Spidey cake, and tons of presents, over the weekend.  It was nice to have our loved ones call and wish him a happy birthday.  He was so happy.  He doesn't totally get the concept.  He kept singing happy birthday mommy.  LOL

If it is your birthday, ask for all that your heart's desire.  You only get that once a year without looking like a total selfish jerk.

Question:  Reader, please leave a comment and share what was the best/craziest/cheapest/most  expensive/weirdest/worse thing you got for your birthday.  Should be some laughs :)

Should boys play with 'girl' toys or activities?

Companies buy commercial air time to be exposed to their target market for their product.  Well, watch any Treehouse or Disney TV and the commercials are mesmerizing.  I see my son's pupil dilate and the "I want that" begins.  Even for the Strawberry Shortcake dolls.

When I signed Marcus up for some extra activities to take him to while I'm on maternity leave, there was so much to choose from.  I wanted to choose just a few so he can be exposed to different activities and figure out what he likes, but not too many where it's hectic.  Ballet was one that I wanted to stick him in.  All the males in my family were not very supportive.  Not my father, husband, or brothers.  Jeeze.  A man who knows how to move on the dance floor is hawt, right?!

How about if he chooses to become a nurse?   Although giggles were had in "Meet the Fockers" where Greg is stigmatized for being a nurse and not a doctor  in the movie, I'm sure it's not that far off in real life.

Be it toys, activities, careers, I won't even get into dressing (the 80s was quite the mascara era for boys and girls alike), males seem to get the short end of the stick.  If a girl plays with 'boy' toys, then she's a tomboy, but if a boy plays with 'girl' toys he's called a sissy.

Not FAIR!