Dialysis Market Research - $$

I participated in a research discussion for caretakers of dialysis patients recently and it was a bit emotionally taxing (in a good way).  Some of the questions asked had me revisiting emotions I keep locked away and buried so I can face our future.  I could have easily fluffed the answers, but that's just not me.  I was quite frank and candid about my life and how dialysis effects me and my family.

At first he asked questions that was already answered amongst the group.  How old are you again?  How many years?  I was starting to lose confidence in this being of any benefit.  But, he was able to summarize exactly how I feel sometimes.  I was talking about some everyday life scenarios and sometimes it's frustrating when he is exhausted after therapy.  He said 'it sounds like your are resentful, but also guilty'.  I wasn't offended.  Should I have been?  Because  I think I am.  I am resentful when he has slept in until 12:30pm and I've been up since 5:30am with both kids for 4 days in a row.  But, then I feel guilty for feeling resentful since dialysis is kicking his ass and he's doing the best he can.  I hope that my raw emotional answers help to make a better process for those about to start this journey.


I resent the disease.  Not him.  I am frustrated with the disease and the struggles it gives us each day.  Not him.  Although I b!t3h and complain ("vent") sometimes, and it sound like it's directed at The Husband, it truly never is about him.  It's the disease. 

Making a Vacation with No Money

I love having the opportunity to be with my son everyday for the first year of his life.  I'm able to do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.  Breastfeed on demand.  Make him fresh baby food.  Watch both my boys learn to interact and love each other.  But, the maternity leave budget really reduces our fun money.

We go out often, but a vacation where we go on a plane, to a 5-star somewhere, and eat well everyday is not on the books this year.  Welcome the idea of a Staycation.  We stay at home for our vacation.  Woohoo! (enter sarcasm here)  It doesn't have to be total crap.  With a smaller vacation budget we'll just do stuff in and around the city like a tourist.  Hello theme parks, water parks, Science Centre, Zoo, CN Tower, The Falls, beaches, picnics, etc  Perhaps Great Wolf Lodge can be worked in.  Although, from what I've heard from other parents, my kids may be too young to enjoy all the amenities.  Definitely a cottage is a must. 

It's not where you go on vacation (this is what I tell myself to keep the illusion alive), it's the state of mind.  I don't want to look at a clock to be at some scheduled activity.  I don't want to cook.  I want to go to places I don't normally go to.

One of my grandiose plans for this summer is to create a backyard oasis.  Hammock, garden, pool (not sure if just a kiddy one or a small above ground one), sandbox, bbq area, and a swinging chair so Franklin and I can watch the kids play while we swing together and chat.

Nom. Nom. Nom.  That's me eating an awesome steak cooked by the hubby and my money buying all my summer dreams.
[polldaddy poll=5014389]

RUN! It's Suburbia

I  understand the need for an escape.  From all the responsibilities, bills, dialysis, children, housework, lack of sleep, etc.  Some want to escape from reality all the time.  Maybe that’s why people need an intervention.  Walking around in a haze all the time is not limited to being drunk or high.  Know any workoholics who are gone 50-70 hrs a week?  It might not seem enjoyable for some, but getting away from the dead-end marriage and whiny kids might be an escape for some.


I am looking for that path to flee the mundane life that has become my suburbia.  It’s not always where I feel so stuck, but with a maternity budget and two kids while living out in the sticks, life can feel dry as corn nuts at times.  It just feels so cliche to go for a day at the spa.  Been there.  Done that.  Not a big deal anymore.  Went to Zumba, belly dancing, etc.  Meh.  Going out for a decadent lunch always tastes good, but reeks havoc on my belly, butt and thighs.   I’m still breastfeeding, so a glass of wine (which I don’t drink anyway) is not an option.  Blogging was my ‘drug’ of choice for a bit, but even that has grown a bit boring.  Retail therapy is a great buzz, but doesn’t last long and just creates more headaches when the credit card bill comes in.

Now, I’m talking big picture.  But, even during the day a few minutes just to stop and smell the roses is required.  For you working stiffs, it’s a coffee/snack/smoke break.  Maybe it’s a walk around to your cubicle buddy for some  chit-chat about everything and nothing.  For me, it’s a bubble bath.  It’s very few and far between, but a good book, tunes, and a hot bubble bath sounds like a great escape for at least 30 minutes.
I live in suburbia.  Does that mean I have to have an affair? LOL  I already own the home, mini-van, husband and kids.  Perhaps a charitable organization could benefit from my idle hands.

I need to be inspired.  Motivated.  A spark from within that I can act upon.  I have several business ideas.  I think one of them needs to be revisited.  If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense/cents.  Let’s see how long that lasts.  I need a vacation and get away from this rut.

Back Yard Oasis - The Dream

I’m talking gardening people.  Thought it was something else since this one comes after my post about body hair care? HA!  Durrrty minds.

Anyway, I don’t have something that erotic to talk about.  Just plain ol’ gardening.  My Mom has a beautiful garden with tons of roses, flowers, apples, scotch bonnet peppers, etc.  The lovely roses I think are the best.  They smell so good and she has so many colours.

Since I’m on mat. leave during this summer I might as well try my green thumb.  Or more like my death thumb.  All my flowers and plants die.  I even had 4 fighter fish!  They are supposed to be easy to care for.  Yeah right.  I remember I wanted to help Franklin out since he always changed the water.  I wanted to surprise him and complete the chore.  While I’m changing the water I want only the best for my fish, so I pull out the britta from the fridge.  Clean water.  If it’s good enough for me to drink, it’s good enough for my beloved fighter.  Filler up.   As soon as I pour the fish back into his clean home, he instantly dies and is floating.  woops!  The second time around I wanted the fighter fish to have a buddy.  Now I know enough about fish that putting two together would not be a good idea.  So I bought a small gold fish to keep him company.  Don’t you know the bully started bumping him.  One morning the gold fish is kinda floating at the top, but I have to go out and figure I’ll tend to it when I get back.  Well, I’m gone  all weekend.  When I get back both fish are dead!  Did you know, as soon as a fish dies, it’s body gives off toxins effecting the water.  Bye bye fighter fish 2.  It was your own darn fault!

But, I digress.  Gardening.  Right.  Seems it should be easy.  Maybe a couple of flowers for the front of the house and a few herbs and veggies in the back.  Franklin would to build some sort of gardening area and he’s not the most handiest of men (sorry  babe.  but, you know it’s true).  And although the flowers that bloom only once are prettier, I’d rather go with the ones that bloom every year.  This is starting to sound overwhelming and expensive.    I think I just blogged myself out of the idea.  But would love to make some type of backyard oasis.  A  hammock near by (love those things!) A swinging chair.  Kiddies playing in the little pool or sandbox.  Husband bbqing.  I love summer.  Even more while I’m on mat. leave.

Not sure if it’s a man thing, but Franklin though loves his lawn.  Spends hours each week!  He loves to check the height of the grass by placing a golf ball on it.  lol  He is definitely a golf nut.  It’s nice to walk in without shoes and feel the grass between your toes.  It’s like a nice thick carpet.  (I’m still talking gardening dirty people) LOL

Do you do any gardening?  If yes, what do you grow?

Body Hair Maintenance

As the warm weather makes an appearance intermittently I bust out the flip-flops.  I hate wearing socks.  But, seeing my dry heals and crusty nails shames me to put on some socks and shoes again.  I  need a pedicure.  STAT!  But, that's just part of the 'spring cleaning' needed.  Legs and arm pits are going to be exposed.  Living in this winter wonderland I think we grow our leg hairs to keep warm.  Well, that's what I tell The Husband.  But, my break is almost over.   It's time to decide how to do some body hair maintenance.

For my eyebrows, I prefer threading.  I don't mind waxing.  But, had one bad experience, so 'once bitten.  twice shy'.   The woman didn't have a taunt hold of my eyebrow before pulling the wax off and ended up ripping my tender skin where my eyelid was.  OUCH!  For my legs and armpits, it's shaving.  And the other places I will not mention.  I want to be able to look you in the eye, is all I"m sayin'.

I'm not sure who has the lessor evil in body hair maintenance.  Men or Women?  Men who have facial hair will have to shave almost everyday.  Where as woman can get by with a few weeks in between, albeit more places.  One times many or many times one.  hmmm.  I'd be lying if I said I was on top of it.  My hair needs a trim.  My legs need a lawn mower.  My eyebrows definitely could use some shaping.   And you could probably braid my arm pits. LMAO!  TMI?!

Baby Milestones

This time around I wasn't as neurotic.  Been there.  Done that.  My attitude was "he hasn't turned over yet.  Whew.  Now, I can still put him down and go to the bathroom real fast without worrying".   LOL  But, thankfully he is hitting them as expected.  My baby is crawling!  Pulling himself up!  and sporting two bumps in his gums. 

It is bitter sweet to see my children grow into big little people.  Particularly, my youngest.  He may be my last of the little ones.  I will never experience this again, so it is even more treasured.   I don't know how to describe it but, this overwhelming feeling that swells your heart to the point of tears in your eyes and happiness on your lips.  

I wanted to do somethings differently this time around.  First kid it was a bit or trial and error, but this time I was going to master putting this baby to sleep on his own.  Ha!  Nope.  Oh I know the theory.  Recognize the cues.  i.e. rubbing eyes, yawn, sleepy eyes.  Put him in the bed sleepy, but not asleep.  That way he'll fall asleep on his own.  Nope!   Of course when I talk to some other moms who were more successful with the sleep routine, they had their little ones sleeping on their own and sleeping 6 hrs within the first month.  Ah well.  Third times the charm right?

There are tons of charts online.  This one shows charts from birth to age 3. 

So far we're on point for the first 6 months:

Child's Age	Mastered Skills (most kids can do)	Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)	Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
1 month	Lifts head when lying on tummy Responds to sound Stares at faces	Follows objects briefly with eyes Vocalizes: oohs and aahs Can see black-and-white patterns	Smiles, laughs Holds head at 45-degree angle
2 months	Vocalizes: gurgles and coos Follows objects across field of vision Notices his hands Holds head up for short periods	Smiles, laughs Holds head at 45-degree angle Makes smoother movements	Holds head steady Can bear weight on legs Lifts head and shoulders when lying on tummy (mini-pushup)
3 months	Recognizes your face and scent Holds head steady Visually tracks moving objects	Squeals, gurgles, coos Blows bubbles Recognizes your voice Does mini-pushup	Rolls over, from tummy to back Turns toward loud sounds Can bring hands together, bats at toys
4 months	Smiles, laughs Can bear weight on legs Coos when you talk to him	Can grasp a toy Rolls over, from tummy to back	Imitates sounds: "baba," "dada" Cuts first tooth May be ready for solid foods
5 months	Distinguishes between bold colors Plays with his hands and feet	Recognizes own name Turns toward new sounds Rolls over in both directions	Sits momentarily without support Mouths objects Separation anxiety may begin
6 months	Turns toward sounds and voices Imitates sounds Rolls over in both directions	Is ready for solid foods Sits without support Mouths objects Passes objects from hand tohand	Lunges forward or starts crawling Jabbers or combines syllables Drags objects toward himself

Easter - Who's family?

I have not instilled the mythical creature of The Easter Bunny into my sons life yet.  We do not wake up in the morning and hunt for eggs.  I did organize the first egg hunt at my parents house, but then dropped off the duties.  For me, it has a bit more of a religious tone to it than the commercialized glitz of chocolate bunnies.  We never did anything like hunting for rabbits or dying eggs when I was young (immigrant childhood again!).  So, to me, it's not that big of a deal.  But, fortunately, my brother and his wife were kind enough to buy mini eggs for all the kids and hid them during our Easter family get together this year.  The kids had so much  fun.

For those who have a significant other as part of their life, trying to see all families during any special occasion takes careful planning and organizing.   Even with all of that, it still might not work out.  Franklin and I are lucky that we are able to split up our holidays between our parents.   This year it worked out again.  Friday for us.  Saturday for one.  Sunday for the other.  We had to move things around.  And fortunately, everything worked out.  Originally, it would have been lunch at one, dinner at another on the same day.  But, that's no good for anyone.  You don't get to fully enjoy the day with one family.   We'd have to leave his parent's place early to head back uptown to my family's dinner.   We'd be too full from his mom's cooking to enjoy my mom's cooking. 

Now, if you have parents who are divorced it's just that much more difficult to enjoy everyone's company.  Mom's family side.  Dad's family side.  Partner's Mom's family side.  Partner's Dad's family side.  And if you should have kids, when do you squeeze in family time?! 

Then if you're still young and have no kids, when do you squeeze in the party time?  Recover from the debauchery time?

I was able to squeeze in some baking.  Mini blueberry Bundt cakes.  Banana muffin caps.  Banana chocolate chip mini loaves.  Snack mix.  Not traditional, but I wanted to use my new pans.  I think some mini-square Blondies are up next.  Or maybe peanut butter mini-squares with chocolate chips.  Fundgey something for sure.

On a brighter side.  MORE EASTER EATS continues!  Bun and Cheese!