Can Borrow Your ...

Whether it's a pen, book, clothes, money, car, shoes, purse, cd, ipod, DS, gaming system, toy, movie, pan, record, skates, toboggan, car seat, WHATEVER! If you want to borrow people's items, there are two golden rules:

1. return the item in the same condition you borrowed it, in a timely manner or agreed time frame
2. do not constantly borrow it.  if it's more than twice in a month, it's time
   

Follow these rules and family/friends/neighbours/co-workers will be more likely to lend it to you without the stinky attitude that can come with an item when they reluctantly lend it to you when they really don't want to.
My mom has quite a collection of cartoons since she helped raise all of the grandchildren.  Now, when we leave sometimes Marcus is watching one of the movies.  We are not waiting till it's over, so in typical toddler dramatics he cries.  I HAVE TO watch this movie.  I've been there.  But, I just don't cry outwardly.  My mom is kind enough to let us take it home to watch the rest.  This has happened several times.  So, on one of her visits to our place she asked about the movies.  Marcus didn't want to give them back!  oh baby! sigh.

Someone else was venting to me about a neighbour of his.  His buddy borrowed his snow blower so often, he felt comfortable to just go into the garage and help himself without asking anymore.  See rule 2, neighbour guy.  I'm guilty of this too.  We've borrowed our neighbours snow blower a few times last season.  I felt guilty each time.  They are so freaking expensive!  We are lucky to have great neighbours, and JD offered his garage code so we can just help ourselves whenever we need it.  Thank you very much, but, I'd rather not.  We will get one.  I don't want to be 'the neighbour' that borrows stuff and breaking rule 2.  I think that's why we're such good friends/neighbours.  We don't impose.  Or maybe that's my Asian upbringing.  IDK.  But, when the snow was ridiculous, we asked all the same.

Now, if you follow rule 1 and 2, people won't hesitate to lend it to you because they know they'll get it back.  It's when you have to think 'do I really want to give away aka lend' depending on the borrower, that will have everyone thinking twice. 

Don't ruin someone's generous and kind nature for the rest of us.

Grass is always greener

As we eat our fried egg sandwiches with cheese, Marcus wants to have a bite of mine.  Sure.  Have a bite of mine.  Eat yours.  Just eat up buddy.   Yours is so good mommy.  It's the same thing son.  Can I have yours mommy?  It's the same thing son.  Can we trade then mommy.  It's the same thing son. Please!  uh...OK!

Whether it is an egg sandwich, chips, etc, doesn't someone else's seem to taste better.   I usually get something different than whatever Franklin orders so we can 'share' or at least a couple of bites.  It's like having two meals in one!  It takes me forever to decide and I usually feel like I ordered the wrong one and everyone else's food looks better.  Sometimes there are just too many choices and it all looks good.

But, besides food, on some days it feels like everything else is better for the other person.  Be it job, spouse, lawn, car, house, etc  I guess that's how the saying "grass is always greener on the other side" came from.  That emotion that the other guys is always winning.  Well, if you could just love what you have now, you'll always be the winner.  I'm not saying to settle, but while you're striving to get the bigger house, nicer car, longer vacation, brand name purse, clothes, shoes, etc love what you have now until that day comes.

 

Someone will always be richer, skinnier, have a bigger house, smaller ankles, longer legs, smaller/bigger boobs, better job, etc.  But, for me, my husband, kids, family, friends, body, sex life, clothes, shoes, house, cars, teeth, breath, eyebrows, nails, hair, furniture, vacations, and life are perfect.  Too much, too little, non-existent.  I love it all.

Lighten your Life's Load

Whether it is a grudge, a negative emotion, a loved one, or even a ratty old sweater from your old boyfriend from high school, letting go is never easy.  But, letting all that emotion and/or junk (sometimes it's both) just stay in  your head and heart is like letting it all live rent free while mooching off of your kindness, generosity, and space, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

As I drive and somebody cuts me off and then slows down, I'm PISSED!  I ride them.  I zoom pass them and flip them the bird.  And even after all that is said and done, I'm still driving too aggressively.  Let it go!
Ever have a relationship/friendship that just sucked the life out of you?  Your friend borrowed your favourite whatever and never gave it back.  Then she confesses she actually lost/damaged it.  Let it go!  He's a great guy, just not a great boyfriend.  As much as you think you are perfect for each other, you fight more than you are happy together.  Let him go!

I had many sentimental items from passed loves.  Letters he'd leave in my locker, poems about his undying love, dried flowers from all the birthdays, anniversaries, valentines, and just-because days, dolls he won me from The Ex, clothes I've borrowed when it was cold, books that you thought I'd enjoy, etc  Combine that with my hoarderness and I have way too much stuff.   Time to Let it go!

Sometimes I'm too quick to let go.  I'm sure if I stuck by some people, I'd still have them in my life.  But, I have enough drama I certainly don't need any extra.  Don't get me wrong.  I am not a fair-weather friend.  I will do all that I can to help you, but I need you to also help yourself first.  I don't tolerate slackers very well.  There's time to slack.  I'm far from a workaholic these days.  I recognize what's a priority for right now.  Definitely different then in our youth when we lived in an apartment downtown with no kids.  Maybe some people I've let go too quickly without giving them a real chance to stay in my life.  But, why live with regrets.  I make the best decision based on the information I had at the time. 
I don't hold on to dead weight.  It just slows me down.

Thank You Stranger for ....

Every time I approach the doors at the mall the gesture usually remains unappreciated.  I am holding the door open for my toddler to walk through, but since you are right behind I guess I'm holding the door open for you also.  Now, trust me, I'm already a little annoyed that you are not holding the door open for  me as I am holding an infant in my arms, but at least just hold it for yourself while I go in.  But, to add insult to tired arms, you go right through and don't even say thank you.  How about those door jerks who walk right through your door as you are trying to get in?   Mother Tuckers!

While driving, the common 'thank you' is a wave of the hand to the other driver.  To acknowledge them in some way that they can see.  Now, if I let you into the lane be courteous and give me a wave.  I didn't have to let you in.  The left lane to get onto DVP North is always backed up.  You know this.  So, why do you think it's ok to drive up on the right lane, turn your blinker on to get into the lane, and hold up traffic?  I don't care that people are honking.  I'm not the one blocking traffic.  YOU ARE!  I've been waiting patiently all the way at the back for 4 lights already.  So SCREW YOU!  But, I let you in because my son is asking why the cars are honking.  And then you don't even give me the hand wave.  Mother Tucker!

If I hold the elevator so you can get in rather than waiting for the next one, a simple Thank You would be nice.  Considering I hear the rest of the people in the elevator give me stink-eye to the back of my head and give a collective sigh as I stick my hand out to hold the elevator doors from closing on your face.  But, you breeze in as if I'm the elevator jockey waiting to be of service to hold the elevator doors and press your floor number.  Mother Tucker!

Just the other day I let someone go ahead of me since I had a cart full of groceries and they had relatively little.  I appreciate you are not one of those ding dongs who do not know how to count and still try and sneak into the 15 items or fewer lines.  So, I let offer to let you go ahead of me.  I get "sure".  No thank you tagged on to the end.  Just "sure".  Mother Tucker!

People.  Pay it Forward.  Hold the door for someone.  Let someone in.  Say THANK YOU!  Do I dare say, pay for the coffee for the next person behind you?  Yah right...

SAY SOMETHING!

 

• zipper's down
• have something in your teeth
• have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe
• dress is tucked into your pantyhose and we can see everything
• boob leaked breast milk and you have a wet spot on your shirt
• toupee/wig is crooked
• shirt is buttoned wrong
• shirt is on backward
• tire is looking a bit flat
• gas cap/lid is not closed
• back light on your car is out

I get people do not get involved anymore when it comes to strangers, but come on.  How is it going to hurt you if you tell the person you just met at the get together/party/gathering that they have something stuck in their teeth?  I had a bit of spinach dip, chatted with my fellow dip eater at the buffet table and went to wash my hands.  I am pissed!  Why didn't that jerkstore say something!?  I will try and give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe it got stuck with the last bit that I ate and they didn't see it.  Yah.  Sure.  That's what I tell myself so I don't give cut-eye to the uppity biatch.

I assume it is common courtesy to mention something to someone, even complete strangers, when the above bulleted list above happens.   Just the other day at the parenting centre I take the kids to sometimes (really awesome.  sand table. water table. painting. tons of toys. snack. gym time. story and singing time.  check out Ontario Early Years centres for a great drop in place where your kids can play with others) I mentioned to this grandmother that her zipper was down.  She was embarrassed and gave a self-depreciating comment about being too fat.  I said, it happens to all of us.  GAK!  I hope she understood I meant that we all have had our zippers down in public once, not that we all have been fat at one time.  Although her frosty demeanor later in the afternoon could be explained now.  hmm....whatever!

Now, the tire looking a little flat, or the light being out on someone's car might be a little too far for some.  but, hey, that's a safety concern.  And if you are o the receiving end of the news, be thankful, or get it fixed so you won't have to hear about it.  

I get that we have to be polite.  But, I think we've taken the whole 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all' saying a bit too far. 

SAY SOMETHING!

Friendship Worth My Time

You meet tons of people.  Few cross over from friendly acquaintance to  being REAL friends.  You’ve got acquaintances, party friends you see every weekend, work peoples you do lunch with, neighbours you are friendly with, friends of friends,bar buddies,  etc.  But, what I mean are REAL friends that you can expose your biggest fear to, that you feel just as close today as you were months/years ago when you last saw/spoke to them,that you would trust your children with.


Like a fresh relationship, especially as an adult, you don’t know if this passing acquaintance will become a true friendship outside the environment you know them for.  and that’s ok.  Sometimes people are just nice to chat with during the hour workout or at your kid’s activity or at the party or at the dog park or at the bar.
I met a beautiful group of ladies when my first was growing from baby to toddler.  There was 10 in total.  Warm, kind, funny, successful, good looking group we were.  It was like a Benetton ad. (anyone remember those or am I dating myself again? lol) We’d meet once a week as we took turns hosting.  Then slowly we each went back to work.  With precious little time between work, kids, and life we saw each other less and less.

For those technically savvy, we have been able to keep up with the milestones and for the most part everyday life.  For a few, we still have playdates with snacks/lunch.  I’m sure with the combination of warm weather, maternity leave, and summer break we’ll see each other more.

I was lucky enough to see one of the ladies last night.  My heart actually ached a bit when we saw her and her husband.  I miss her and her family.  She is a beautiful person and her husband and Franklin share the machismo jokes.  Wish she lived closer.

We have another couple that we love hanging out with.  The husbands, us wives, and the children all get along.  It is so rare to find that.  It’s so uncanny how much our lives are similar.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, has been with her husband since high school, and is a generous, kind soul.

Have to include my ketchup girl.  So insightful and thoughtful.  I will always remember her asking me outside the YMCA if everything was all right.  I was caught off guard.  She didn't know that Franklin was having a bad time and I was wearing my everything-is-great mask.  How did she know?  I was touched.  Someone close to her in her family also had kidney problems and had gone through dialysis before so she actually knew some of the life I had to live.   I am thankful.

And I’d fail as a friend if I didn’t include my elementary school friend who runs deep in my heart.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, funny, understanding, cool, beautiful, righteous chick.

Be it a moms group, a chance meeting at a garage sale, or through friends, I am lucky to have have crossed paths with these people and so many more I could list (if I haven’t listed you, it’s not because you are any less a true friend. and as a true friend, you already know that).  Not everyone ‘gets’ me.  But, I think everyone can say that.  You either ‘click’ or you don’t.

I’ve been ‘friends’ with tons of people in this life time, but very few do I open my life to.   I wouldn’t make plans for years because so many things have been canceled due to Franklin’s health.  I’m sure they all understood, but I just couldn’t deal with it.  I didn’t want anyone’s pity.  Nor could I handle the mounting number of disappointments.  It’s just easier to call on the fly when we have a ‘good’ day.

Fortunately, Franklin’s slowly have many more better days (the past 2 months excluded) and I want to make plans again.  Plans to make the time for the special people worth the effort it takes to arrange it.  Special people who will still love us and understand if we have something come up….again.  Special people who are worth the 1.5 hr drive to spend the day with.  Special friends who are REAL friends.

Don’t let life’s hiccups and busy schedules make everyday pass by so quickly.   You just never know what will happen tomorrow.  Make the time and effort it takes to enjoy the people in your life today.  They are worth it.  And so are you.

“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”
– Charles Caleb Colton

Golf Widow Season

As the warm weather approaches, golfing is in the air.  Not for me.  Franklin ruined it for me.  The first time he takes me out, he takes me to one of the longest courses.  I would like to think he was trying to impress me with the beautiful course, but the cynic in me suspects he wanted to show off his golfing skills and in turn ruin my first impression of the game to which I thought it was so boring that I would never come again.  Oh I tried to go again.  He’d say “you were complaining before the 9th hole!”.  Well, you got what you wanted Frank.  I won’t go.  Years later he wants me to come.  “I’ll bring you to a shorter course”; “I’ll take you to the clubhouse for lunch”; “We can spend the day in the beautiful weather and get exercise”.
OooOOOoo..exercise outdoors to enjoy the weather.  He knows me too well.  After years of being scarred from that first outing, I may just give it another chance.  NOT!

He loves the game.  Even watches it as one of his top five shows on tv.  He gets out and gets exercise and he’s happy.  So we balance his love of golf with our need to enjoy the day as a family.  For many golf widows they might not be as understanding.  I am because it’s not just about golf.  It’s about a few hours out of the day where his mind is clear of all of life’s stresses.  End Stage Renal Failure. Dialysis. Blood Pressure.  Liquid intake.  Mortgage, property tax, Hydro, cable, internet, phone, water, cell phone, credit cards…bills.

I’d be lying if I said I was ALWAYS supportive about him going everyday.  But, after a couple of days of seeing how miserable he is I just kick him out the door with his clubs.  When he’s happy life is just better.  For him and the rest of the family.  Happy Husband.  Happy family.  It works both ways (as compared to my happy wife, happy life post.

Although the cost of a golf membership is not cheap, the benefits to his health mentally and physically are worth it.  (That’s what I tell myself when I look at our bank account)
Having him happy and with more muscle is a win-win for him and me.

GAME ON!