Don't call!

A drunken dial at 12:30am?!  Really??  Come on, dude.  It's one thing to be leaving a message on my cell phone, but it's just disrespectful to be ringing up my house when my babies are asleep with your dramatics.  You are not even family nor a friend.  You are an acquaintance who's trying to leap and bound into my inner circle when I barely know you.  If that's not wrong enough, you call another day at 8:10am.  When I get calls this late or this early I immediately worry it's some emergency from a loved one.  Why else will someone be calling at these ridiculous hours?  Then you do a drop-in in the middle of the afternoon pissed drunk.  I do not want my children around that.  Nor do I want to be around that.   Have a pint or three on a patio on a beautiful sunny day.  But, don't just drop by, slurring your words and staggering at 3pm on my doorstep Mr. Acquaintance.

Don't get me wrong.  In my youth and single days, the late calls would be fine.  Depending on the party, nobody heading out until after 12am anyway.  But, I'm married with children now.  Nobody pre-drinking, gettin' dressed to impress, and hangin' with their peoples before heading out, up in this crib.   How about I call you at 5:30am ish when my baby awakens and ring you down?

If my family needs me, I don't care what time it is.  Call me.  Nieces and cousins, this means YOU!  I'd rather you wake me up and call if you feel things are about to start to get out of hand.  Your ride home starts drinking?  Some dude starting to make you feel uncomfortable and aggressive?  You stuck in the middle of nowhere and have no way of getting home?  A bunch of cowards are gathering and you feel like you might get jumped?  CALL ME  or CALL 911!  There is no restriction of time when you are in need my dear loved ones.

Now for those who call 10 times a day, just leave a  message!  I might be taking a rare nap with the kids and can't come to the phone.  I don't need to hear it ring 3 times in an hour.  If it's an emergency then by all means.  Keep calling to wake me up.  But, when I wake up to answer, it's not an emergency.  I'm pissed!  Just because you are family doesn't mean you shouldn't have boundaries.  grrr..


I've had telemarketers call several days in a row to buy long distance.  I asked to  be taken off their calling list.  I listed my number for the do-not-call list.  I try to just be respectful and calmly, but firmly say I'm not interested.  But, by the 5th day in a row, I'm just going to hang up.  By the 7th-day I'm being rude.   By the 9-th day I'm yelling at you to stop F'ing calling!  Poor Telemarketer.  Your job sucks.  It's an automatic dialer that calls.  You get verbally abused and hated.  Hopefully, it spurns you on to get a better job or more education.

When is it too late to be calling?  I know you just want to chat, but didn't your mother teach you any respect?

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High Gas Prices will Only go Higher

My goodness!  Prices for gas is just utterly ridiculous.  It's bad enough that a vacation where I get on a plane is probably not going to happen this year, but even just driving is so expensive.  $75 to fill up my tank on my family mobile.  And that was at $1.34/L.   I feel for those who require premium.  Not really for those who drive an SUV, because those gas guzzlers were a bad choice in the first place!

There are a few reasons I live out in the sticks.  The big one was we were able to get more house for our mortgage.  But, having my family near by is even bigger now that I have my kids.  The bigger back yard, the young families in the area and newer amenities helped sway our decision from moving from downtown.  I still miss downtown life.  But, for now, this works for now.  You HAVE TO drive when you live up here.  There's some sort of transit system, but I don't know what it's like.   Just to go out for a drive can eat up a 1/4 tank of gas!

But, what really gets me riled up is why the heck is gas so expensive?!  And why is tax on gas so high, yet our roads are brutal!   The toll highway is a joke.  The government had a guaranteed money-maker, but let that go.  The government has ridiculous idea of taking down the Gardiner Expressway to beautify the lakeshore.  Where the hell is all that traffic going to go?!  Anyone get stuck in that ugly traffic mess during rush hour or when there's an event?  

Way to plan Government.  Urban planning for the sticks should include a comprehensible transit system.  Amenities within walking distance.  Reasonable gas prices.  You know the gas mongers are price-fixing and lining their pockets along with yours.  I now have less money to buy other things.  i.e. groceries, shoes, etc

My Mother's Day was spent like this...

The story that is the epitome of being a mom, my Mother’s Day was spent taking care of my family.  Everyone in the house is sick with fever and a raspy cough.  EVERYONE.  It has been a difficult week for all.  But, even though I am sick also, with fever, phlem in my chest, headache, interrupted sleep all week, and body exhaustion, I am the ‘healthiest’ to take care of my babies and husband.  I have had offers to come over and visit to help, but this is contagious, and I definitely do not want to pass this virus on to anyone else. So even though baby 2 woke up at 12am, 2am, 4:45am, 6am, and baby 1 woke up at 4am, and 6:30am, I have to try to not pass out and put on my nurse’s hat.  I take temperatures, write it down so I can remember I last gave them their meds and tempra/advil, see how their temperatures are trending, and try to remember so I stay on top of it.  Lord knows I won’t remember.

No breakfast in bed made by The Husband and my children.  No sleeping in.  No carefree day to enjoy the sunshine.  FML

But, then I get calls from my loved ones that also want to send some mother’s day love.  And that reminds me, that it’s not the breakfast in bed on one particular day.  It’s the “I love you mommy” out of the blue.  It’s the big smiles and hand claps when I look you in my baby’s eyes.  The hugs of love that feels better than any medicine.  The joy I feel when they are happy and feeling better.  I ‘WoW’ I still feel when my toddler can communicate like a little adult and express how he feels.  “I feel sick” never hurt so much.  The pride I feel when they hit another milestone or master a new skill.  Watching the joy in their face when they want to show you EVERYTHING!

Anyone can give birth.  If you stayed away from the alcohol, drugs, and all the other bad stuff that could harm your baby during pregnancy, then kudos to you for taking the first good step.  But this thing being a GOOD mom is a life long dance.  There are many steps to take, learn, and master.
To all the unselfish moms out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for a ponytail, long showers for quick ones, late nights for early mornings, and designer bags for diaper bags and wouldn’t change a thing.  I will make countless sacrifices without complaint (well, maybe a little).  I  don’t care what I gave up because I LOVE what I got in return…..Gift of a child, I LOVE being a GOOD MOM ♥

I will be the nurse, chef, launderer, diaper changer, cow that gives milk, kisser of boo boos, good cop, bad cop, cleaner, chauffeur, story teller, financial adviser, cleaner, teacher, confidant, and parent.

This mother’s day is not only to reflect on my life as a mom, but to cherish the undying love, patience, sacrifice, and concern my has for me all my life.  My mom has taught me how to be strong.  She shows her love through food.  And trust that she loves all her children and it shows. LOL  Even when she was going through Chemo and Radiation at the same time for cancer, she never complained.  It had to be done and she did it.  She is modest and never brags.  Even when she cooks THE BEST food and other people’s children tell their parents.  I’m still learning that.  I am so lucky to have her.  I hope I never disappoint her.

Now to go make some jello with fruit for the little guy’s belly.

Road Rage Triggers

I had to drive down a bit of ways to get to an appointment.  And maybe it’s because it’s the ‘burbs or I just don’t drive as much as I used to, but where in the world have all the good drivers gone?  I am surrounded by idiots!  Here are just a few things that always seem to happen when I’m in a rush:

1. stuck behind someone who is going below the speed limit in the LEFT lane
2. driving beside someone in the right lane that drives exactly beside you
3. someone does a quick right turn into my lane and doesn’t quickly speed up once in the lane
4. we can make the light if the driver would maintain his speed, but instead he slams the break on the yellow
5. pedestrians who walk against THEIR lights and end up waiting 3 light changes
6. pedestrians who stand on the road on the corner when I’m trying to make a right

After reaching another red light because of the slow driver in front of me, I had to fight the urge to get out of my car and go up to her vehicle to yell at her to get the hell outta the lane.  Then head over to the idiot in the right lane beside her to let me in so I can pass.  These two were holding up traffic for 6 lights!
When I saw the two speed limits in Montreal, I figured it would be worse driving.  But, they get out of the way!  So, I don’t think it’s a speed limit issue.  It’s a driving attitude/common courtesy issue.
There are somethings that I just ASSUME.

1. If you get passed on your right -hand side, you are going too slow.  GET OUT OF THE WAY!
2. Don’t stand too close to the corner when waiting to cross.  Cars making a right could clip you.  It’s just not safe.  DIDN’T YOUR MAMA TEACH YOU ANYTHING?!
3. The left lane is for PASSING.  Don’t drive the speed limit in the left lane. GRRR!

I understand that people should get speeding tickets for going TOO FAST, but how about the idiots who are driving TOO SLOW?!  THEY cause accidents too!

Dialysis Market Research - $$

I participated in a research discussion for caretakers of dialysis patients recently and it was a bit emotionally taxing (in a good way).  Some of the questions asked had me revisiting emotions I keep locked away and buried so I can face our future.  I could have easily fluffed the answers, but that's just not me.  I was quite frank and candid about my life and how dialysis effects me and my family.

At first he asked questions that was already answered amongst the group.  How old are you again?  How many years?  I was starting to lose confidence in this being of any benefit.  But, he was able to summarize exactly how I feel sometimes.  I was talking about some everyday life scenarios and sometimes it's frustrating when he is exhausted after therapy.  He said 'it sounds like your are resentful, but also guilty'.  I wasn't offended.  Should I have been?  Because  I think I am.  I am resentful when he has slept in until 12:30pm and I've been up since 5:30am with both kids for 4 days in a row.  But, then I feel guilty for feeling resentful since dialysis is kicking his ass and he's doing the best he can.  I hope that my raw emotional answers help to make a better process for those about to start this journey.


I resent the disease.  Not him.  I am frustrated with the disease and the struggles it gives us each day.  Not him.  Although I b!t3h and complain ("vent") sometimes, and it sound like it's directed at The Husband, it truly never is about him.  It's the disease. 

Making a Vacation with No Money

I love having the opportunity to be with my son everyday for the first year of his life.  I'm able to do things I wouldn't be able to do otherwise.  Breastfeed on demand.  Make him fresh baby food.  Watch both my boys learn to interact and love each other.  But, the maternity leave budget really reduces our fun money.

We go out often, but a vacation where we go on a plane, to a 5-star somewhere, and eat well everyday is not on the books this year.  Welcome the idea of a Staycation.  We stay at home for our vacation.  Woohoo! (enter sarcasm here)  It doesn't have to be total crap.  With a smaller vacation budget we'll just do stuff in and around the city like a tourist.  Hello theme parks, water parks, Science Centre, Zoo, CN Tower, The Falls, beaches, picnics, etc  Perhaps Great Wolf Lodge can be worked in.  Although, from what I've heard from other parents, my kids may be too young to enjoy all the amenities.  Definitely a cottage is a must. 

It's not where you go on vacation (this is what I tell myself to keep the illusion alive), it's the state of mind.  I don't want to look at a clock to be at some scheduled activity.  I don't want to cook.  I want to go to places I don't normally go to.

One of my grandiose plans for this summer is to create a backyard oasis.  Hammock, garden, pool (not sure if just a kiddy one or a small above ground one), sandbox, bbq area, and a swinging chair so Franklin and I can watch the kids play while we swing together and chat.

Nom. Nom. Nom.  That's me eating an awesome steak cooked by the hubby and my money buying all my summer dreams.
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RUN! It's Suburbia

I  understand the need for an escape.  From all the responsibilities, bills, dialysis, children, housework, lack of sleep, etc.  Some want to escape from reality all the time.  Maybe that’s why people need an intervention.  Walking around in a haze all the time is not limited to being drunk or high.  Know any workoholics who are gone 50-70 hrs a week?  It might not seem enjoyable for some, but getting away from the dead-end marriage and whiny kids might be an escape for some.


I am looking for that path to flee the mundane life that has become my suburbia.  It’s not always where I feel so stuck, but with a maternity budget and two kids while living out in the sticks, life can feel dry as corn nuts at times.  It just feels so cliche to go for a day at the spa.  Been there.  Done that.  Not a big deal anymore.  Went to Zumba, belly dancing, etc.  Meh.  Going out for a decadent lunch always tastes good, but reeks havoc on my belly, butt and thighs.   I’m still breastfeeding, so a glass of wine (which I don’t drink anyway) is not an option.  Blogging was my ‘drug’ of choice for a bit, but even that has grown a bit boring.  Retail therapy is a great buzz, but doesn’t last long and just creates more headaches when the credit card bill comes in.

Now, I’m talking big picture.  But, even during the day a few minutes just to stop and smell the roses is required.  For you working stiffs, it’s a coffee/snack/smoke break.  Maybe it’s a walk around to your cubicle buddy for some  chit-chat about everything and nothing.  For me, it’s a bubble bath.  It’s very few and far between, but a good book, tunes, and a hot bubble bath sounds like a great escape for at least 30 minutes.
I live in suburbia.  Does that mean I have to have an affair? LOL  I already own the home, mini-van, husband and kids.  Perhaps a charitable organization could benefit from my idle hands.

I need to be inspired.  Motivated.  A spark from within that I can act upon.  I have several business ideas.  I think one of them needs to be revisited.  If it don’t make dollars, it don’t make sense/cents.  Let’s see how long that lasts.  I need a vacation and get away from this rut.