SAY SOMETHING!

 

• zipper's down
• have something in your teeth
• have toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe
• dress is tucked into your pantyhose and we can see everything
• boob leaked breast milk and you have a wet spot on your shirt
• toupee/wig is crooked
• shirt is buttoned wrong
• shirt is on backward
• tire is looking a bit flat
• gas cap/lid is not closed
• back light on your car is out

I get people do not get involved anymore when it comes to strangers, but come on.  How is it going to hurt you if you tell the person you just met at the get together/party/gathering that they have something stuck in their teeth?  I had a bit of spinach dip, chatted with my fellow dip eater at the buffet table and went to wash my hands.  I am pissed!  Why didn't that jerkstore say something!?  I will try and give them the benefit of the doubt and maybe it got stuck with the last bit that I ate and they didn't see it.  Yah.  Sure.  That's what I tell myself so I don't give cut-eye to the uppity biatch.

I assume it is common courtesy to mention something to someone, even complete strangers, when the above bulleted list above happens.   Just the other day at the parenting centre I take the kids to sometimes (really awesome.  sand table. water table. painting. tons of toys. snack. gym time. story and singing time.  check out Ontario Early Years centres for a great drop in place where your kids can play with others) I mentioned to this grandmother that her zipper was down.  She was embarrassed and gave a self-depreciating comment about being too fat.  I said, it happens to all of us.  GAK!  I hope she understood I meant that we all have had our zippers down in public once, not that we all have been fat at one time.  Although her frosty demeanor later in the afternoon could be explained now.  hmm....whatever!

Now, the tire looking a little flat, or the light being out on someone's car might be a little too far for some.  but, hey, that's a safety concern.  And if you are o the receiving end of the news, be thankful, or get it fixed so you won't have to hear about it.  

I get that we have to be polite.  But, I think we've taken the whole 'if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all' saying a bit too far. 

SAY SOMETHING!

Friendship Worth My Time

You meet tons of people.  Few cross over from friendly acquaintance to  being REAL friends.  You’ve got acquaintances, party friends you see every weekend, work peoples you do lunch with, neighbours you are friendly with, friends of friends,bar buddies,  etc.  But, what I mean are REAL friends that you can expose your biggest fear to, that you feel just as close today as you were months/years ago when you last saw/spoke to them,that you would trust your children with.


Like a fresh relationship, especially as an adult, you don’t know if this passing acquaintance will become a true friendship outside the environment you know them for.  and that’s ok.  Sometimes people are just nice to chat with during the hour workout or at your kid’s activity or at the party or at the dog park or at the bar.
I met a beautiful group of ladies when my first was growing from baby to toddler.  There was 10 in total.  Warm, kind, funny, successful, good looking group we were.  It was like a Benetton ad. (anyone remember those or am I dating myself again? lol) We’d meet once a week as we took turns hosting.  Then slowly we each went back to work.  With precious little time between work, kids, and life we saw each other less and less.

For those technically savvy, we have been able to keep up with the milestones and for the most part everyday life.  For a few, we still have playdates with snacks/lunch.  I’m sure with the combination of warm weather, maternity leave, and summer break we’ll see each other more.

I was lucky enough to see one of the ladies last night.  My heart actually ached a bit when we saw her and her husband.  I miss her and her family.  She is a beautiful person and her husband and Franklin share the machismo jokes.  Wish she lived closer.

We have another couple that we love hanging out with.  The husbands, us wives, and the children all get along.  It is so rare to find that.  It’s so uncanny how much our lives are similar.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, has been with her husband since high school, and is a generous, kind soul.

Have to include my ketchup girl.  So insightful and thoughtful.  I will always remember her asking me outside the YMCA if everything was all right.  I was caught off guard.  She didn't know that Franklin was having a bad time and I was wearing my everything-is-great mask.  How did she know?  I was touched.  Someone close to her in her family also had kidney problems and had gone through dialysis before so she actually knew some of the life I had to live.   I am thankful.

And I’d fail as a friend if I didn’t include my elementary school friend who runs deep in my heart.  She is also Jamaican Chinese, funny, understanding, cool, beautiful, righteous chick.

Be it a moms group, a chance meeting at a garage sale, or through friends, I am lucky to have have crossed paths with these people and so many more I could list (if I haven’t listed you, it’s not because you are any less a true friend. and as a true friend, you already know that).  Not everyone ‘gets’ me.  But, I think everyone can say that.  You either ‘click’ or you don’t.

I’ve been ‘friends’ with tons of people in this life time, but very few do I open my life to.   I wouldn’t make plans for years because so many things have been canceled due to Franklin’s health.  I’m sure they all understood, but I just couldn’t deal with it.  I didn’t want anyone’s pity.  Nor could I handle the mounting number of disappointments.  It’s just easier to call on the fly when we have a ‘good’ day.

Fortunately, Franklin’s slowly have many more better days (the past 2 months excluded) and I want to make plans again.  Plans to make the time for the special people worth the effort it takes to arrange it.  Special people who will still love us and understand if we have something come up….again.  Special people who are worth the 1.5 hr drive to spend the day with.  Special friends who are REAL friends.

Don’t let life’s hiccups and busy schedules make everyday pass by so quickly.   You just never know what will happen tomorrow.  Make the time and effort it takes to enjoy the people in your life today.  They are worth it.  And so are you.

“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.”
– Charles Caleb Colton

Golf Widow Season

As the warm weather approaches, golfing is in the air.  Not for me.  Franklin ruined it for me.  The first time he takes me out, he takes me to one of the longest courses.  I would like to think he was trying to impress me with the beautiful course, but the cynic in me suspects he wanted to show off his golfing skills and in turn ruin my first impression of the game to which I thought it was so boring that I would never come again.  Oh I tried to go again.  He’d say “you were complaining before the 9th hole!”.  Well, you got what you wanted Frank.  I won’t go.  Years later he wants me to come.  “I’ll bring you to a shorter course”; “I’ll take you to the clubhouse for lunch”; “We can spend the day in the beautiful weather and get exercise”.
OooOOOoo..exercise outdoors to enjoy the weather.  He knows me too well.  After years of being scarred from that first outing, I may just give it another chance.  NOT!

He loves the game.  Even watches it as one of his top five shows on tv.  He gets out and gets exercise and he’s happy.  So we balance his love of golf with our need to enjoy the day as a family.  For many golf widows they might not be as understanding.  I am because it’s not just about golf.  It’s about a few hours out of the day where his mind is clear of all of life’s stresses.  End Stage Renal Failure. Dialysis. Blood Pressure.  Liquid intake.  Mortgage, property tax, Hydro, cable, internet, phone, water, cell phone, credit cards…bills.

I’d be lying if I said I was ALWAYS supportive about him going everyday.  But, after a couple of days of seeing how miserable he is I just kick him out the door with his clubs.  When he’s happy life is just better.  For him and the rest of the family.  Happy Husband.  Happy family.  It works both ways (as compared to my happy wife, happy life post.

Although the cost of a golf membership is not cheap, the benefits to his health mentally and physically are worth it.  (That’s what I tell myself when I look at our bank account)
Having him happy and with more muscle is a win-win for him and me.

GAME ON!

You are FIRED!

With social networking, particularly Facebook, it seems that employers can do a little detective work before investing in a potential employee.  But, should companies be allowed to fire employees for what they do outside of work time?  I still don’t understand how people do not have high security on their profile.  I guess they don’t mind anyone trolling through their wall, seeing their pictures, reading their likes and groups listed.   They don’t mind the stalkers, perverts, potential employers, head hunters, trollers, or weirdos going through their online identity.  I guess I just have too much to hide.  Although I do have a public blog, so who am I to judge?!

You never want to run into your boss while you are getting wasted at the local pub.  It’s almost as weird as seeing your teacher outside of the classroom setting.  But, when you see another side of them that you are normally not privy to, it can be quite the eye opener.

Now, I do not entirely agree with firing someone for what they do outside of work, but it does lend to what type of person they are.  If some dude is addicted to crack and he drives a school bus, I think I would support random drug testing and getting them fired.  How about the chiropractor who has an addiction to Oxycontin?  Are they really the modest, diligent, conservative individual when you see pictures of them in a ho-esque outfit with white powder on the outside rim of their nose and HUGE dilated pupils?  Maybe at work they ARE that person, but now that I know you can be that other person too, I’m not sure I can take your word of commitment seriously.  You are just masquerading as a hardworker, when really you are a Pepsi head that comes in late 3 times a week.

Maybe you can balance both the party and the work world.  Many people can.  Who doesn’t need a break after a long, hard week?  Why should you be punished for what you do on your own time when it doesn’t effect your work?  You’re a Project Manager/Web Designer/Instructor/Accountant/Tech Support/Analyst/etc.  No on is going to die if I go to a 3-day rave and go directly to work Monday.
It’s a slippery slope.  But, somethings are just so obvious.

But, if you’re killed someone due to Drinking and Driving, I don’t want you driving the subway.  If you’ve O.D. but were brought back, I don’t think you should work as a counselor at a rehab clinic.  If you leave your elderly mom in an uninsulated garage while you live in the house, your compassion and empathy are not meeting standards required to work as a director at an old age home.

But, once your honour/character comes into question, people will deal with you differently.  Even those who say they don’t judge people.  In the back of your mind you wonder if you can trust them after you read on thedirty.com that they blah, blah, blah.  Which probably isn’t true, but that’s how haters hate with their rumours.

Don’t be your own idiot that sabotages yourself.  Pictures of you toking, hitting the bong, snorting a line, etc is for you and your friends.  Make sure you lock down your profile.  Create groups with restricted access.  Un-tag yourself.  In this digital age, those embarrassing photos in your youth/now will come back to haunt you as they live on forever.

Mid-Point Weigh in: It's not looking good

Well we're in the long hall of things.  I haven't been able to go to my exercise classes for several weeks due to Franklin's health complications.  I could just use that as a scapegoat (which I TOTALLY AM), but if I was being honest, I could still exercise at home.  I have a couple of Richard Simmond DVDs.  Anyone feel to send me some exercise DVDs that they swear by send me a message via the CONTACT ME page on this blog.  My big butt needs all the help I can get! LOL

So, as I'm chatting with Franklin this morning (don't you love the morning chats before the kids wake up?) and it went something like this:

Me:  If I eat sensibly today I might have a chance to win the big weigh in today ($20)
Him: You should be eating sensibly every day
Me:  It's been a little hard lately (rolls eyes) I feel like giving up.

Him:  Don't give up.  You're doing REALLY good.
Me:  mmmhhmmm
Him:  Your brother's probably just lost water.  But, you've made a real difference.  Really.  You can tell the difference from when you first started.  You're smaller.  You look good (wiggles eyebrows)
Me:  Ok.  Shut up now.  Your compliments are bordering on insults.  So, Thank You and STFU now.
Us: (DWL)
(On queue, children wake up)

The ice cream, cake, cookies, pizza, burgers, double-double coffee, late night dinners, bowls of sugary cereal instead of my usual  Shreddies with blueberries and skim milk for breakfast, these past few weeks are not going to help matters.  I haven't gained (thank goodness), but I may have only lost 1/2-1 lb if I'm lucky.
We'll see soon enough.

Don't let others dictate your self-worth

No, I'm not talking 'self love' as Tweet sings it (listen to the song.  good beat).  I'm talking about loving yourself completely. O.k.  Tweet's saying that too.  LOL  I love how Wikipedia defines self-love.  "Self-love is the strong sense of respect for and confidence in oneself.  Self-love can be taught in childhood through honesty, acceptance and unconditional love."

But, seriously, don't let anyone's actions and inaction, or words dictate what your self-worth is valued at.  You work hard at being a good person.  You turn the other cheek to all the adversaries you face.  You make choices that although you don't want to make them, you know it is for the best.  I'm not here to say thank you for not stealing, sleeping with some loser guy who tells you he loves you or spends a little cash on you to make you think you are special, or staying in school and making your best effort.  Those are expected.  You ARE special.   At first glance, particularly when you are young, you feel very 'lucky' to have someone buy you things.  Nothing in life is free.  Sadly, a large percent of young male hormones are motivated by something.  Is all I'm saying....something.

I wish I could explain other people's actions.  Why they choose the things they do.  How it affects people.  Short term and long-term.  But, I can't.  I can't control what they do.  But, I can focus on the positives in my life to know what they do will not bring me down or make me question my value.  I have those who love me.  Who support me.  Who are proud of me.  Those are the ones I will focus on.  Those are the ones who will fill me heart.  If I let the self-doubt creep in, I will shatter and cry.  I just don't want to be there.  Ever again.

I won't lie and say there are not moments of vulnerability.  But, when those moments creep into you conscience, remember that you are never alone.  You are a good person.  You try your best.  Be proud of yourself.  No matter what mistakes (I prefer to call them a life lesson.  No one is perfect.  Mistakes have to happen to learn what works and what doesn't), you are still a fantastic, hardworking, funny, loving, honest, special, person.

Bad Breath

Please do not talk directly at me. 

Stinky breath.  Sometimes it's you.  Sometimes it's the other person.  How do you tell them without being offensive?  I know it's me when I see someone do the old finger-under-the-nose bit.  Really?  The finger you've had up your butt smells better than my breath?  I better try and inhale while I talk with my stank mouth.  haha

Sometimes you just know your breath is not at its freshest.  You've had some garlic, durian, onions or the old smoking and coffee combo.  But, if you haven't opened your mouth for a couple of hours because you're working hard at your desk, then your mouth bacteria has been building up.   You better hope the next person
that you talk to is on the phone!

When someone offers me gum I ALWAYS take it.  They might be just being nice and sharing, but it could be that my breath stinks and I need it.  You should take it too!  I'm just saying...

On t.v. they always show people waking up in the morning and 'getting busy'.  Is that real??  Morning breath is the most lethal of dragon breath.  The plaque.  The hours for the bacteria in your mouth to multiply.   Sometimes I will blow my bad morning breath to wake Franklin up.  Never funny to him.  Although I'm cracking up.  That's love.  Or it's been to gether too long.  Probably both. 

What's worse is when someone is a close talker that has bad breath.  You can feel their breath on your cheeks and the stink makes your eye water.  And to top it off, if they are an acquaintance or worse, at an job interview where you have to be pleasant, how do you fake it and still get the job?


If you are a good friend, I am not above calling you out straight up.  With an exaggerated "DAAAAAAAMN".    That is a real friend.  Someone who will tell you when you need help.  Not, nodding polity and excuse myself to throw-up behind your back. 

If you can't tell me to my face, please offer me gum. :)